Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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shatteredagain 12/27/2016

Hi,

I've been dating a man for almost 4 yrs now. He is 40 years old and has two children. I am 32. Our relationship was beautiful. I felt so happy and lucky to truly feel the love. He told me in the beginning that he doesn't really want any more children but with me he would have one. I felt so loved. A year passed and we had a stupid argument and I asked him if he really ment it when he said he'd have a baby with me. He said no and that perhaps I should find a different guy. I felt deceived and hurt that he would be able to discard me just like that. I stayed with him becuase I'd rather be with a man I love than have a baby. He was enough for me. I found out he was having sex with this other woman in the early stages of us dating. It broke me again. He's explanation was that we just were not sure what we were in those first few months. I forgave him and 15 mins later we were happy again. Down the road I realized he's been texting his ex girlfriend telling her he misses her. I broke down and left. Next morning he came over showering me with love and apologies. I forgave him and months later I moved in with him. Up and down.. We fought after christmas last year and I decided to move out. He didn't try to stop me. Once I left he messaged me some nasty messages and the apologized again. I spend this christmas alone.. Because he broke up with me over a text and reached out to me just before christmas asking me yo spend it with him. Pretty much giving me an ultimatum. I couldn't do it. But now I'm doubting myself.. Did I f... things up? Should I have tried harder? I know I am not perfect and I made mistakes in that relationship as well. However I was always faithfull and always wanted to fight for him. These feelings of doubt are killing me slowely. Please help.

steppingovertheedge 12/27/2016

Short answer, based on what you've written here: I think you made the right move. He sounds like a liar and a manipulator. You deserve better.

mirandac 12/27/2016

If i was you i would seek therapy to talk it out
And have them help you cope better and point
you in the right Direction.

That guy has major red flags and why would
You want to stay?

If there is NO respect there is no love. That one
I learned the hard way when my ex started acting
Out disrespectfully. HUGS

jimthzz 12/27/2016

Be glad you are not with him!

He would have strung you along until yo could not have a child anymore.

Find a guy that wants you and wants children and has no children already. AND is closer in age to yourself.

Alone 12/27/2016

Leave him. He's not good enough for you. You deserve someone who has figured out his own life. This guy hasn't. FYI I married someone like this 10 years ago and our whole marriage has been up and down. We are now in breakup mode.

Amaranthine 12/27/2016

Don't torture yourself with doubts. You can walk away from this knowing you gave it several attempts. Seems like he was never fully committed, whilst you were sure he was the one for you. It was HIM that needed to try harder! He strung you along about the future, you were on and off a few times, he was physically unfaithful in the early days and then he was texting his ex! You deserved BETTER.

Whilst you're still in this mind space of doubting yourself, you're vulnerable to him trying to get back together with you. But what for? More of the same? You need time and space to gain perspective. Don't rush back to him if/when he comes a calling.

Wishing you well.

Poison 12/27/2016

Don't let material and physical love overshadow the emotional abuse he seems to be putting you through. Love doesn't operate this way. You may want to seek counseling to determine why having this man in your life. I understand the feeling of uncertainty and the need to hold onto someone you invested yourself into but at some point you have to ask yourself, is this the type of love you want for the rest of your life?

jab27 12/27/2016

I think you absolutely did the right thing. I had the talk about having/wanting children with my stbx when we first started dating as I already had a broken engagement due to this (I have always wanted kids). He agreed but 15 years and 3 children later (1 planned) I can tell you he changed a lot once we had kids, has not spent a lot of family time with us, has not taught them the normal "Dad" things, and has said numerous times to me over the years "you are the one who wanted all these kids!" Trust me - you dont want to have to keep asking your spouse to spend time with you and your kids or to hear those words...it's not fair to you or your future kids. You should find someone that loves you and wants kids just like jimthzz said. Don't keep wasting your time on someone who is not treating you right already and is playing games with you - you do deserve better. The right guy will come along.....make a list of qualities and things you want in a man and focus your energies on that rather than wasting more time on the wrong guy.

shatteredagain 12/27/2016

Hi Everyone,

I want to say thank you for talking this time and giving me advice. You have no idea how much reading your posts helps. It's difficult to understand why this person just won't realize how good life could be. I do really love him and this morning was one of the worst morning yet. Panic struck me. But then I hit the treadmill and sweated out. I figure that if my body can handle it, so can my heart. I could definitely live without children if only he would show me the love I deserve. Thank you so much everyone for your compassion. Bless you all!

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