I'm in my 40's now. Passion isn't a major concern of mine anymore. I've found that passion fades.

If you were 80 would you still expect passion? Probably not.

The better measures are love, consideration and teamwork. These are the thing that old couples enjoy after sex and passion fizzle out.

I've found that being a good spouse is a job. You want to be married to someone who does a good job. They work, they contribute, they're kind, they're a good parent.

Have you tried a regular "date night?" My parents started that practice in the 1990's and it really made all the difference. It helps you remember why you love(d) this person.

My wife and I are struggling right now but it's more on her end as far as her not knowing what she wants.
She told me last year after 8 years of marriage that we were struggling. She wanted to find her independence. I was able to find out that she met a friend and over the course of some time found out she had feelings for him. By the end of the year she thanked me for sticking by her side through that tough time all to find out that 6 months later, last month, that she didnt think she was true to herself and didn't find her true feelings. Round two as I call it.
I sound a little different than your husband in this situation because I want nothing more than to hold her and take care of her and have her tell me she loves me again...that hasn't happened in awhile.
However if you truly feel that it's not going to work be 100% honest with him. Do not string him along.
I know i need to let her go so I can see if she will truly miss me but I am scared as hell that she will just go....at the same time raising our two kids together.
Best of luck to you. As i am trying to get through to my wife, Follow your heart. It will hurt like hell if she leaves me but I will be at peace if that's what she needs to find her true happiness. I am angry at her for what she has done but at the same time she has lost her way and life is too short to be miserable every day. I wish her and you the best of luck.

its great to know you recognize you want growth in your relationship. so many resources available.

sometimes answers are simple, you were attracted to the chase with your wife - that can be recaptured. planning dates with your wife is one way but certainly just one of many. by the way feeling like an asshole isn't all bad, as its you recognizing you want to make your relationship better. counselling is just one way to do so.

I appreciate your feedback. I guess I'm not so concerned about the passion, so much as being completely platonic and feeling just like roommates from before we got married. We pressured ourselves into marrying because of religious beliefs. Now I'm having feelings for my friend but I don't want to be "that girl" who thinks grass is greener on the other side because I realize it's generally not. I hate the idea of being disloyal to my partner but I also resent the idea of staying in a marriage that we both rushed into because of guilt.

The more I write, the more I wonder if I'm overthinking things. :(

I understand where you're coming from. At 25 sometimes the prospect of marriage and starting new is exciting which is why you have to be certain before you commit.

I too was in the same position 20 years ago. Imarried my friend without truly loving him.

Whilst I have two lovely kids and everything a girl could want it hasn't given me the happiness I truly crave.

The feelings you have for your friend may seem real but are you really prepared to give up on your marriage without trying?

I've lived with these feelings for 20 year's and to my dismay got entangled in an emotional affair.

Pease be honest about how you're feeling as it's other people's emotions at stake. It won't be easy but honesty is the best policy.

I'm not proud of the way I handled things but I do wonder where my life would've taken me if we'd separated all those years ago.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you're young and able to turn things around without too much heartache.

You obviously have something missing in your relationship but are you willing to fix it, if so be honest with yourself and him.

Please don't waste time thinking it will get better, trust me it won't, in fact the opposite will happen, you'll only end up resenting him more.

Temptation is all too easy especially if you feel your life isn't going where you think it should go.

Even if your friendship outside your marriage comes to nothing I can almost guarantee you'll be looking elsewhere.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not judging you. We all crave a certain kind of love but isn't it better to be free to experience it rather than playing with someones heart, speaking from experience here and really not proud of it!

If he's really not meeting your emotional needs PLEASE be honest about what you want.

Good luck!

You know. I don't think you were too young. we live in a time in history where young people are confused about relationships. I mean you guys dated 3 years. You made a choice, made commitments, and now are struggling. I don't think that means quit. I think that means go to work. I am in a marriage that has survived an affair. I would have never thought you could stay in a marriage after that and actually restore feelings for the person who had been unfaithful, but I am here to tell you-if you have two people who are willing and desire to make it work-you can restore, rekindle, create, whatever you want to call it, feelings for one another. It takes WORK and commitment. You said you married for religious reasons, I know from personal experience that God will work with those who work with Him. I prayed diligently for God to help restore my feelings for my husband and teach us how to make our marriage work and I am amazed to tell you that He did-with our combined effort working with Him. Hopeful for you both.

overthinking will draw you down every time - step back, occupy yourself and reset your mind