Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I attempted to post this a few times but I ended up deleting it before posting because what I am about to say just sounds so odd to me.
My ex and I have been broken up for about 6 months but the past month I realized to stop seeing him altogether. He wanted to have me in his life, be there for him have someone to see when he wanted and talk to whenever he needed but NOT continue being together. Finally I got some strength to realize I couldn't have in my life just half way. If it wasn't going to lead to anything I couldn't keep putting my heart through that.
The first week was HELL. I cried like a basket case. I couldn't sleep. I stayed awake all night and when I finally got any sleep I dreamed about him. I felt like every hour was brutal to get through and what I felt that week was so horrible even thinking about it now is hard. soon I got used to not hearing from him. I managed to fall asleep without those goodnight phone calls from him. I started figuring out what I wanted from life. I started seeing a therapist weekly. I started to spend more time with my family again. Somehow I started to adjust. Today for the first time in so long I had dinner/drinks with friends. I actually had an alright time. I got through dinner without mentioning him once. I feel my mind is slowly getting used to not having him around. So why is the thought of forgetting him altogether scaring me ? I was MISERABLE when I lost him. I prayed every night I could/would forget him. I wanted to be free from that emotional hell. So why is the thought of loosing all those deep feelings and emotions scaring me. Why is the thought of being GREAT without him something I am fearing. why am I afraid to get to a place where I will feel nothing for him.....this was the goal and I am slowly making progress to get there. why is my heart fighting that feeling? is something wrong with me? I feel so ashamed and confused. Who would feel like this? I don't want to go back to feeling pain. I don't want to feel that hell but feeling nothing for him somehow also does scare me and I don't really have an answer for this. Even though I don't call him, text him or see him I guess I have still held on to these memories of him and the feelings I had. Healing and moving on requires putting those aside and I feel that is the last bit my mind is able to hold on to. It is almost 2 am maybe I am not even making any sense but I hope I was able to somewhat express what I am feeling. I hope everyone doesn't think I am totally insane for this feeling!
My ex and I have been broken up for about 6 months but the past month I realized to stop seeing him altogether. He wanted to have me in his life, be there for him have someone to see when he wanted and talk to whenever he needed but NOT continue being together. Finally I got some strength to realize I couldn't have in my life just half way. If it wasn't going to lead to anything I couldn't keep putting my heart through that.
The first week was HELL. I cried like a basket case. I couldn't sleep. I stayed awake all night and when I finally got any sleep I dreamed about him. I felt like every hour was brutal to get through and what I felt that week was so horrible even thinking about it now is hard. soon I got used to not hearing from him. I managed to fall asleep without those goodnight phone calls from him. I started figuring out what I wanted from life. I started seeing a therapist weekly. I started to spend more time with my family again. Somehow I started to adjust. Today for the first time in so long I had dinner/drinks with friends. I actually had an alright time. I got through dinner without mentioning him once. I feel my mind is slowly getting used to not having him around. So why is the thought of forgetting him altogether scaring me ? I was MISERABLE when I lost him. I prayed every night I could/would forget him. I wanted to be free from that emotional hell. So why is the thought of loosing all those deep feelings and emotions scaring me. Why is the thought of being GREAT without him something I am fearing. why am I afraid to get to a place where I will feel nothing for him.....this was the goal and I am slowly making progress to get there. why is my heart fighting that feeling? is something wrong with me? I feel so ashamed and confused. Who would feel like this? I don't want to go back to feeling pain. I don't want to feel that hell but feeling nothing for him somehow also does scare me and I don't really have an answer for this. Even though I don't call him, text him or see him I guess I have still held on to these memories of him and the feelings I had. Healing and moving on requires putting those aside and I feel that is the last bit my mind is able to hold on to. It is almost 2 am maybe I am not even making any sense but I hope I was able to somewhat express what I am feeling. I hope everyone doesn't think I am totally insane for this feeling!
It's scary. But it's OK. I think this is normal.....you know the Goyte song - somebody that I used to know............play that one....
Great song and yeah funny how it works...as time goes on they just start slipping away but it's really a good thing. It's healing and enables us to move on. Good luck :)
I think the reason this feel so confusing for us is because we have accepted that we don't want that person back. We are at the stage where going back is no longer an option and we can clearly see that. I don't think we are in denial any longer or fighting that feeling. The crazy moments of doing anything and everything to win them back has passed. So we have moved forward In this process, yet the letting go of those memories is a constant struggle/fight in the brain. Moving on and letting go of even the sadness means this person will be nothing more then a distant memory . That is sort of scary. To think you may really forget all those moments and the connection you had. I think everyone who responded is so correct with that theory. Seeing these comments was a light bulb moment. I may not be able to change how I am feeling right now but I think with everyone's help I am starting to understand it better. Hang in there trish! I think it will take the mind and heart time to catch up with each other and get on the same page totally. I wish there was a way to know how this would all turn out but I guess only time can really tell. In the meantime not keeping your feelings in and sharing can actually help. Even my 2 am post that I felt strange about posting has truly helped!! every little bit of support always counts! thank you everyone
something have a plan in place to replace these thought even if its 2, or 3 in the morning I find this is when all kind of thought will surf
The best to you.
we become woven together the longer the marriage the longer it takes to get over it.
All the best.