I don't know anything about a mediator to tell you but I do agree that these days society has made marriage a joke almost, for better or for worse and working on things is not what people do these days , people just leave . When people take vows do they just go through the motions ? They seem to put no thought into what the vow is. Although I know there are legitimate reasons for divorce sometimes I just think people just throw their marriage away to quickly because society talks about divorce like your breaking up with a fling . Like you got an old car and why not get a new one life is short. It's very sad.

I agree with you - once trust is destroyed by infidelity, it is near impossible to restore - if the BS is even sincere about reforming.

Mediation can be a less expensive way to reach agreement on division of assets and liabilities, visitation schedules, etc. However, it is far from cheap. It will work best if you are both able to be level-headed and amicable in the process.

Lawyers cost more. They are necessary if one party is working on cheating the other, if there is danger to a child, if immediate financial support is needed and the xtbx won't honer an interim support agreement, etc.

As for me, when my wayward spouse asked for divorce, I did all the paperwork myself. The whole divorce cost me around $250. However, that'd not for everyone. My stbx at the time was very cooperative and worked toward an equal division. Even so, I regret I didn't put more work into the visitation plan. We left holidays open to mutually agreeable division based primarily on my son't preference. That hasn't worked out well for me as he has all his step-sisters and her family at the house for holiday parties, whereas I have just me - not as fun for him.

These are just my thoughts. Hope it helps some.

You ask if marriage is a joke these days. My wife and I are starting our divorce process. I've been thinking a lot about marriage and divorce lately. The key failure in our relationship was communications and understanding. Not understanding the signs of affection that we were both giving and not understanding the signs of affection that we both needed. Being unable to really communicate in a simple way those things that we really needed.

I spoke with my Mother at length about growing up and family. She grew up in a very poor home where her father, her uncle and her two aunts all raised their families under the same roof. She mentioned to me, "we were poor, but we were happy because we never knew we were poor"

I think today's society projects false fantasy images of what life is like. The news reports daily about celebrities ending their marriages and then getting together with some other celebrity a few weeks later. Popular film and literature projects the most romantic of guys to be Edward Cullens who can read their women's emotions perfectly and pine for her when she is away. Women are projected as strong, independent Angela Jole types with great bodies and strong sexual appetite.

None of these images show the man who has to work 60 hours a week to keep his family fed, or the woman who is up all night breastfeeding her infant baby and then going off to work at 6:30 in the morning. None of the news programs show the devastated children of those celebrities going through the divorce. Nor do the celebrities have to sell their house and possessions as part of the divorce process.

My mom said that they were poor but happy because they didn't know they were poor. I think people today have a good chance to be married and happy, but they are told by our society that they can do better.

I think people sometimes need to level set what life and marriage is all about. It's hard work. I also think people need to communicate and understand each other more. I wish society taught us how to understand and communicate, rather than projecting false expectations of life and relationships.

Cheating is so easy now for everybody. Anyone can go online and portray themselves as single when in fact they are married with kids..
I have been divorced for a long time and have gotten over it, he cheated on me. The divorce was so hard on me..It's so cliche that time heals all wounds and it does. I have recently broken up with my 3 year live in boyfriend and kicked him out just this past summer. He was a raging alcoholic and that is why it is over. It's hard to get over any kind of break up but I am more relieved than anything.
All you guys on here. I am sorry that we all are suffering our own losses but aren't any of you feeling like me in that you are relieved not to be in it?

It seems like no one is serious about the vows. They're just something repeated as part of the ceremony. Technology does make it easier to cheat than ever, but also easier to get caught. Text messaging allows people to have emotional affairs, that can progress. 25 years ago if you wanted to flirt with someone you had to do it in person, or on a phone. You reconnected with your old friends by bumping into them at the store. Facebook makes it's too easy, cell phones make it too easy. My wife was able to talk everyday to her fling without leaving the house or doing anything suspicious. Affairs used to almost always involve a coworker because that's where you were 40hrs a week. Now it could be just about anybody.

What I find the most disturbing is how people can have affairs without thinking of the consequences it will have on their children when they get caught.

We went with a mediator and it was quite painless. More importantly, we also saw a good financial advisor in a tax consulting office and that helped us greatly. They got our numbers and figured what we'd need in my settlement and how to achieve it through our 401k, retirement, alimony and QDRO. They were amazing at crunching the numbers and setting up a plan on how to do it all. They have all the answers that will affect your taxes and how much you'll need to save to pay taxes next year on what you get this year.They connected with our mediator and typed everything up. We signed and only one of us needed to be at court on the day our divorce was granted. Super easy and cheaper than having separate lawyers. If you can amicably make decisions together, mediation is the way to go.

We used a mediator and then we each brought the agreement to our own lawyer to finalize. It worked well for us. I would not have been able to do it alone - I was too devastated. The mediator was an impartial 3rd party which kept the interaction with the ex bearable. And, she called "bullshit" when it was needed. She was great at setting up the issues in a way that made the "fair" outcome clear. But, both sides have to be willing to be fair.

Another reason it worked for me was that the mediator worked to craft an agreement that "worked for us", as opposed to the legal 50-50. where I live, you can't negotiate the child support. - that is legally given. But, everything else can be negotiated. My ex cheated on me and walked out on me. I make a good salary, he hasn't worked in over 9 years. I have pension, he doesn't. I believe I got a better financial outcome thru mediation than I would have thru a lawyer.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. My first husband cheated on me, and I didn't trust him anymore. I broke it off right away, that was a long time ago for me.
Just the other day I was thinking, doesn't anybody stay together anymore. My mon and dad were married at 18 and my dad passed away 4 years ago this coming January, and they stayed married and true to each other the whole time.
As for mediation, I really don't have all the facts for it, but if you have a lot of possessions and are afraid of the divorce not being fair, maybe you will want some professional help with the divorce. That's just my opinion. I do hope you can start feeling better soon and you do deserve to be treated with respect and love. Big (((hugs))) to you