Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Feeling drained

All4meNow
All4meNow

I think I've cried for the last few hours nonstop. I know I am emotionally exhausted over the issues with my upcoming divorce. I had a couple of realky good days, even went out for lunch with my girlfriends. After just getting all my thoughts out on the table, I felt so much better about myself. I felt like I had turned a corner on this divorce roller coaster. 


However, not even two days later after arguing with my stbx, I feel even lower than I've ever felt. I dont understand why I allow him this much control over me and my emotions. He is the one that walked out on me and our two kids,he is the 35 yo that cheated with an 18 yo girl. He makes me feel like I'm not good enough, and I won't find someone when I've got two kids. (his words not mine) 


Lord have mercy the last thing on my mind is finding someone else. But I dont even know where to start when I am ready, I've been married practically my entire adult life to one man. I don't know what I want anymore, but I do know I dont want to be alone forever. I enjoy having someone be there for me, who also lets me be there for them. I miss the friendship I thought I had in my stbx, now I'm afraid after everything I may not ever find that again or ever be ready for that period. I'm sorry for my 5 a.m. rambling, its just been a rough night. 

MontgomeryDad
MontgomeryDad
It's ok. We've all been there. Going through the same exact thing myself. We haven't let our boys know everything yet but last night, my wife says to me, out loud, in front of our 6 year old, that we are getting a divorce. Could not believe she did that. She later apologized but you can't take that back. I've probably cried every day for the last 2 months. I thought losing my parents both within the last 3 years would be the toughest thing to go through, but this added on has made it impossible to do anything. I am completely drained, and when I wake up every morning, the first thing I want to do is cry.

What I want to tell you is you are not alone. A lot of us here are feeling your exact emotions. And the only thing I can say is that you deserve better, and I am certain you will find it. I know it doesn't seem like it., but there are plenty of men looking for the same exact things you are. Just know that when you find that, and you will, it will be a million times better than pining for someone who refuses to love you unconditionally. You'll find that best friend and new love of your life when you're ready. Don't feel rushed, and go at whatever pace you feel comfortable with. Even though it may not seem like it, you'll be happy again.
Koko
Koko
I feel the same exact way -in fact I think I posted the same thing last night. To be the one told they want a divorce from you is devastating. I went through our entire 10 years of marriage and wondered if he even loved me and what point that love died. But the fact of the matter is it's gone and I cannot let him bring me down than he already did. I may never meet someone else but I will be happy that I have a career and two beautiful happy kids.
All4meNow
All4meNow
Thank you guys. I have a career that I worked my butt off to achieve. I've got two amazing kids (16 & 11). Many days they are my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. I hate that after everything thats happened these last few weeks I allow him this much control over me emotionally. One minute I go from crying, not knowing how I'll ever make it through this. And the next I feel great ready to meet this divorce head on and not give into his verbal abuse.
CrushedDad
CrushedDad
I understand how you're feeling. I vacillate between utter despair and confidence that this will end soon and I won't be alone. I cry and she gets angry. I regret and she gets nasty. Eventually this has to get better for all of us.
All4meNow
All4meNow
Lord I hope so. I really just want out of this marriage with as much of my sanity in tact as possible. Back and forth over what we each want in the divorce is really taking a toll on me emotionally. Honestly at this point as long as I keep primary custody of the kids and he pays what little amount of child support he says he will pay I would be happy. Hell at this point I'll even settle for no child support just to be done with this back and forth
basnime
basnime
Relief, resolution and peace is what we strive for. ((Hugs))
MontgomeryDad
MontgomeryDad
Our back and forth will begin Wednesday, at mediation. Taking the day off work to prepare myself for the utter nightmare that will be. She's leaving me, and she wants primary custody and the house. My life is spinning out of control. Can't come to grips with any of it.

Sounds like you have a plan, and I really hope everything goes your way.
All4meNow
All4meNow
I have a plan but I've realized nothing goes as planned. Heck he just texted me and said that the kids and I will have to leave the house if I seek the full child support. Really not the start to my morning I wanted
MontgomeryDad
MontgomeryDad
He really doesn't get to make that decision. Don't let him have control over everything. That's what I have done, and it has come back to bite me, over and over and over again. Please don't make the same mistake I have. Stick to the plan you want, and hopefully, you two can meet in the middle somewhere, preferably closer to what you want.
Koko
Koko
What really? He would kick his own kids out of the house? Talk to your lawyer. He can't threaten like that I don't think.

But yes I am so tired of crying and being okay then crying and then being okay. Hopefully we'lol all be okay all the time soon.
All4meNow
All4meNow
Technically his parents own the house so legally they can evict me as long as they give me 60 days to find a place. However, if I settle for less than half the support he would have to pay then I can stay. Ugh....I cant afford to run out and get a new place and move a household along with two kids. But I can get the divorce now and child support can always be reevaluated through the state child support agency. At least that would get me divorced without a huge mess that he is threatening. And I would have the time I need to save and find a place to live before the child support increases.
NJ400
NJ400
Funny I a
Bongo
Bongo
You are not alone. I. Going through a nasty divorce too. Not my choice it was his. After 10 yrs he too found some 28 yr old to get me to leave and hes 45. Then after all that crap with the 28 yr old he has his ex back and is now living in our home with her two 4yr old twins in my son room. We have had our problems but this tops it off. Hurting thia much is an understatement at this point. Im a mess and my son is devasted too. I try to get up everyday and tell myself if he did not want us why be so hurt. But it does not go away for now. Just letting u know I know how u feel helps me. I know he gave me a huge gift by doing this cause he never wanted us if the ex was always in his back pocket. I get up everyday for my little guy. He needs me to be there since the only dad he knows up and left us. He knows. He says daddy cheated and took our home away. The sickest part is he had these women around my son before he even talked about a divorce. I believe in God and I know I did everything as a giod wife and it was not enough for him. I aslo know God wont bless something like what ge ia doing. Hope this helps it does me.
All4meNow
All4meNow
Bong, yes it helps. I hate you and your son are going through this. Nothing is easy about any of this . My kids 16 and 11 found out about their dads cheating. I tried keeping this from them, but they saw him texting this girl and asked about it. I refuse to lie to them about anything, but kept it on a level they could understand. They know mom will always be honest and truthful no matter what.