It's been a month since I last saw him and ended things. I get my bouts of sadness from time to time. I'm hoping it lessens as time goes on. I can feel that its getting there gradually. Keep yourself busy and surround yourself with loved ones. It's easier to get through the days.

3 years, and I still think about her. She did some pretty horrible things to me, but I have my part of the responsibility too. I think when a break up ends into a big fight they leave us with many unresolved feelings that can haunt us for years. I hate that.

Thank you for your replies. This is so hard.

It’s so hard when you feel like this person is the love of your life but they cannot be trusted. I will never be able to trust this person.

It's really hard. You share everything with this one person and suddenly they become a stranger. It's so bizarre. This is my first break up, so things were very hard when it first happened. I'm still trying to get used to it--him not being there. I've purchased break-up books and write in my journal everyday to express how I'm feeling. It really helps.

It’s been 5 years. One year for every five years you had been together is what they say. It is hard. It seems to get better as time goes by.

Can you please recommend me a book. I will try the journal as well. Thank you

I think the abuse and the fighting was so great that it was almost a relief when he left. My situation was probably way different than yours. I had 3 young children who became my main focus. actually it wasnt till months later and I healed from some of the hurt that I realized I still loved him! In any case, it just takes time to make adjustments to your "new" way of living. Don't try to rush it. On the other hand, take some steps to "move on"....volunteer, get out with friends, get your focus other places. There is life after a break-up. Time will heal if you let it. Don't cling to the what ifs and I should haves.......gently take your time and let go.

I’ve been planing on doing a lot of house cleaning and yard work this weekend to keep busy. I don’t really have friends since I made my husband my main focus. I need to see how I could make friends with people again. Right now it feels like I will never be able to let him go but I have hope with all the kind words I have gotten and reply’s from other stories I have read on here.

Once you deep down truly understand that the changes you're undergoing are for the best for you, then it becomes easier to accept, adjust, and move on. There is no timeframe - if the 1 year for every 5 were true, I'd be suffering for the next 6 years. Fact is, I'm pretty much over him, it probably took 2 years, but it happened while still married, I just hung on to the official marriage too long. There was no trust, then no respect and finally no love, so really it was for the best. If you don't trust your ex, it's for the best, IMO. Take your time to grieve, but know that it will get easier.

Takes awhile, ya go from someone with you you speak and talk to daily... too No Contact. It can be unsettling if ya let it get to you. Better to not let it get to you or keep it on your mind, stay active. Tire yourself out with activities & socialize, you may find yourself sleeping better and reminising about him or her less.

I think your right jojored. I’ve made myself go through some tough unforgivable things with him for twelve years. I forgave and forgave but the trust never came back. It got to the point where it felt normal not to trust my husband but I realize now this is not a good thing and it is not normal. I stayed because I loved him even though it was hell going through these feelings and repeated behavior.

Justchuch508 I know that I haven’t been able to have good nights sleep for about 5 years now maybe a little longer. That is one thing I am looking forward to , that after all this pain I would finally get a good nights sleep. I will definitely try to stay active. I can’t let this destroy my soul even though it feels like it has already.

Thank you for asking this question. I'm only 17 days out but I'm glad for the insight.

I have been in breakups before. Sometimes the pain feels surreal. And yet I return.....I go into another relationship. It's like, I must be a complete idiot to do it again. Like putting my hand on a hot stove, again. Anyway, after this breakup, I am older now and am thinking about NEVER going back in. It's a matter of pleasure vs. pain. I can look back now see some things - like my part in it all (well, at least I can see a LITTLE bit of that). My M.O. is to place all/most of the blame on the doorstep of the other person. Love is tough. Sorry for my rambling.......