Yep. It sucks because I always used to like to be alone. Now I just feel so dependent; part of why I'm here. I don't like that feeling either. I'm going through a rough patch. I kind of feel broken, outside of just relationships, and it's hard for me to go outside and do anything with other people. I'm in a new city where I don't really know anyone my age. I'm forcing myself to go to 4 events over the next 4 days to meet people, which is totally outside of my comfort zone at the moment. I think it should help.

Did you go through a rough break up?

Today...yep. My son was to come over today but stbx has a way of manipulating people to get what she wants including her kids. I've never seen anything like it. He's staying home because he needs to cut the lawn. Stbx can do nothing on her own. Needs others to do it for her. Her craziness continues.

Yep, I'm with you.
The worst part is that I still live with my ex. We've decided financially that it makes more sense to co-exist for now and also for the benefit of my 5 year old. I have no family that live close by and I feel like I've let go of all of my friendships (except superficially - we still text the odd time, etc but I never have the opportunity to go out with them and socialize). My ex works opposite shifts to me - it's good because we never have to be around each other but the down side is that I'm always either at work or taking care of my son. I find myself feeling lonely, for sure.

I'm feeling pretty alone this weekend. I know I'm better off alone. I know who and what she is now but I'm missing being held and holding someone.

SKIN HUNGER IS REAL.

The absence is PAINFULLY noticeable.

Skin hunger turns painfully. Be careful with that urge. It can get us in a bigger mess.

Go to a day spa lostandrejected.

Get a massage and a facial

Don't be afraid. No one will call you a metrosexual.

You too hugabus.

And I'm talking about about a lovely, herbal tea serving spa gentlemen.

Not Madam Lings downtown in the industrial district

Thanks everyone. Anyone have any suggestions on how to stop excessive thinking ? I drives my anxiety
Constantly. Thanks

Meditation? Or I find keeping busy helps. Maybe talk to your doctor about going on an anti-anxiety med short-term? I add caution with that as some of them can be addicting. Getting off of benzos, for example, is hell. Others do not seem to cause that problem so look into it if you feel that is a route you want to investigate.
Good luck to you. I find shutting my brain down one of the hardest things to do.....

Thanks Dandelion: I actually just got back from the barber where I got a haircut and beard cleanup which was cathartic on its own. Just doing something that ultimately was FOR me.

I'm not opposed to getting a massage, I've had them before; and I'm completely comfortable with my sexuality.

bees2000: I hear what you're saying, though that won't be an issue. I've been with 1 person in my life and I'm not going to up that count until I find someone new I'm going to share the rest of my life with. That's something that has always been important to me and something I'm not going to share with just anyone.

I'll see my boys in a couple of days and be able to give them both big hugs. Both of them still LOVE curling up on my lap and resting against my chest. I hope that desire doesn't go away for either of them for a LONG time as it's the best part of the day for me.

Some times are harder than others where I just want to hold hands, or put my hand on her back or kiss her cheek. I've programmed myself over 18 years to want this connection to those I love. The ex being the one who has had it for the longest. It'll take me some time to re-program my mind (and skin) that she never gets that again and that it will be shared with my kids and in the future my new adventure partner in life.

hugabus: That was a HUGE problem for me. I found the best way to stop excessive thinking was to focus on the current moment at hand.

The best way I've found to do this is to head outside and sit down. Start focusing on the world around you. Close your eyes and try to listen to the sounds around you. See if you can hear the wind, distant cars and birds. Feel the wind blowing against you, the sun against your skin. Feel the weight of the hair on your head, how your socks are tight around your ankles, how your pants feel as you rest your hand on your leg. Take in the spring air and see if you can identify the scents you're smelling (good and bad). Pay attention to what you're tasting, not just when eating; pay attention to how your saliva tastes in your mouth. Open your eyes and take in what's going on around you, the wind blowing through the trees, the shape of clouds, cars passing by.

You CAN do this inside but I always have better luck out in nature where there's more going on.

In the BAD times you may only be able to pay attention to the current moment for a couple of seconds before the future or past intrude. Start over and try again.

One of the things that does this automatically for me is golfing, I don't know what it is but I can shut off my mind and just concentrate on being outside and enjoying it 100% of the time. Try and find something to do that lets you do this without putting in a concerted effort.

I also like taking my dogs for a walk, putting in some earbuds and singing along as I walk around. 1. Clear any music out of your player that reminds you of times spent with your ex. 2. Girls like guys out walking their dogs, you don't have to respond to any flirting (I would strongly advise you not to) but it will do wonders for your ego. 3. It's perfectly OK to look like a crazy person in their own world singing music out loud.

There is a reason alcoholics take things 1 day at a time. You can't change the past. You don't know what the future holds for you. You CAN pay attention to what is happening RIGHT NOW though.

Start doing things that are FOR you. Work out, eat healthy, get some dental work done, quit tobacco, go see a movie, join a bowling or pool league, learn an instrument, go to a movie. It doesn't matter what it is just start doing things where you're the beneficiary.

You are going to need as many boosts to your self-worth as you can especially as you move past the initial shock of things and start to go into the withdrawal stage of grief where you start second guessing everything and blaming yourself. (This will happen, realize your feelings are LYING to you!)

As an added benefit to distracting you these self-worth things are going to start making positive changes in your life. Eating healthy and working out changed my physique and gave me SO much more energy. Quitting tobacco was a necessary thing I've been needing to do for a long time. Joining a pool league let me meet a bunch of new people and kept me busy focusing on other things. Learning guitar lets me focus on something new and creative, I'm HORRIBLE and loving it. Going to a movie lets me escape reality for a couple of hours and enjoy something different.

Yes i can't bare this pain I'm feeling. Missing my kids and my wife even no she failed for a divorce no contact whatsoever. That is what she wants not me 15 years can't believe she is doing this to me . All because of here controlling mom ..

Some great advice everyone.
I was just prescribed celexa
and Klonopin recently. I'm really concerned about getting hooked on them I'm breaking them in 4th's trying
Not to use them much. Wish me luck

Yeah, be VERY careful with those. I wouldn't use them for over 60 days regardless of the dose you're on.

If you feel you need to be on something longer term use those until you can build up a tolerance to one of the longer lasting less addictive alternatives out there.

Even then those I would recommend using those as a crutch while you get some professional help rather than to just mask a problem.

I've been going to individual
counseling for 6 months went to hypnotherapy ongoing . Have a phone counselor through my EAP
At work. We went together to 2 different marriage counselors Anthem is setting me up to cognitive
behavior therapy..I'm a hard nut to crack .. The celexa and
Klonopin are just recent things. I'm trying. I've been on Ambien for sleep also
Thanks God for FMLA also

I was the kid that never had many friends. I was always fine being off doing my own thing. When I met my wife, we clicked. I felt like I met my soul mate. After all of these years It kills me not being in contact with her. Not having her to share my day with. Not hear how she is, or what our kids are up to. Then you throw in the lack of physical touch / intimacy... It feels like my check and gut are being ripped apart, (reminds me of the scene in the Alien movie where the Alien burst out of the chest, which reminds me, I need to rewatch that... thanks I found an activity for tonight!). Then on top of all of that missing, throw in the silence of the apartment (NO Kids, no dog, no cat, nothing) It is eerily quiet.

Yeah it's painfully lonely.