First of all, I am very sorry this happened. 41 years is a long time then lose a spouse. This however, is not the end for you. I don't know your age but, I imagine you are younger than I am. I have seen elderly people find true happiness in their later years. I knew a coupe in their 80's who got married and they treated each other like teenagers in love. Life deals some pretty tough things at times but, we can rise about it. With God's help, you can still find happiness and have a productive life of happiness.

My father died at 94 and my mom was 71 She felt her life had ended but, she got involved in the community, stayed faithful to her church and lived another 20 years of happiness and joy with friends and neighbors. Mom's situation was different than yours but, both of you have had a loss of a spouse.

I will be praying for you.

I'm so sorry you feel this bad Pepper. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Life is so hard some times.

Hello Peppa

Sorry to hear of this - 41 years is a very long time and that would hurt very much since you have invested so much of your life in the other person. It is very hard to let go.

Firstly you are not the fool for holding on - it just means you were faithful and trying to support your partner. It is not a reflection on you nor should it be something you allow to affect your self esteem. People do things for their reasons and sometimes it really hurts. It is also very cruel when the other person is mean or purposely keeps you in the dark and confused about things (I had this myself, so I know how much that hurts).

Why not get around some good friends and take some time for yourself and re-evaluate your qualities - you must have some very nice qualities if he was with you for 41 years, yes? Write them down, and then think how many other other nice worthy men out there would love to be with someone with those same qualities. I promise you they are all still there, it's just when you are feeling low, it is often hard to see them. But you are you, you cannot be anyone else, so you know they are there still. Get around positive people you know who build you up and who care about you. Forget the ones who would make you feel bad. In a little while you will come to realise life goes on, and we only ever have control over one thing alone: our own feelings towards ourselves and how we treat ourselves. The rest is commentary. I hope this helps you:)

I can only good luck and we wish you well. I am sure it is very hard. However, your life and happiness cannot be wholly dependent upon him, and you are entitled to look for fulfillment elsewhere whether it is in travel, groups, work, reading, or something else.

thank you for your comments... The truth is, I don't feel much like doing anything....I think I am in a state of shock. If a psychiatric hospital was the place to go, I would go, however, I was in one time, overnight when my aunt passed away, just stayed one night because it was awful, and the doctor let me leave. I have enough cash to go to a hotel for awhile. I live in a 3 level house, and I hate it, more and more each day. I would like to just walk away from this home. The present social worker said I should stay here, but I don't agree. And the one before her, said "you'll figure it out". How could I figure it out when I am in this state of mind. Forget about family, no support from anyone of them. I just don't want to be in this house. I need some sort of person to actually help me evaluate this situation, to step up tot he plate with me. I got rid of the social worker who kept saying "I'll figure it out". If I could figure it out, who needed him.. How do people figure things out when they are an emotional wreck? Will welcome all replies....Thank you.

Hi Pepper,
My heart hurts for you...I just "celebrated" my 20th anniversary and my husband told me wants a divorce. I can truly empathize with how you're feeling because I never imagined I'd be in the place where I'm at after 20 years and working so hard in counseling...Like you, I don't want to have to "start over" - I feel like marriage is a sacred vow and unless there is abuse, both parties should take the responsibility to work on things together. Marriage was never meant to be easy. Hugs and prayers to you.