See if she'll go to a mediator (there are lawyer or accountant mediators)..it'll be a lot less expensive and you guys will end up a lot happier with the settlement.

We were planning on going to a mediator. But now, I don't know. Really mad at her right now. She won't even admit that she agreed to the no alimony. She doesn't remember. I don't know if she can keep any promises.

If the agreement was made in the presence of an attorney or through an attorney then it's called a Rule 69 agreement and she can't back out. If she tries, you just go in front of a judge and he will decide (and probably tell her she's wrong).

I'm in a similar situation. My stbx said he'd give me the house if he paid no alimony or child support, and no community property gets sold, but now he keeps (for the 3rd time) making lists of more "stuff" he wants, or he's not signing over the deed. He keeps going back on his word. If he doesn't sign the papers this week, then I'm taking him to court. I hate to do it, but he's left me no choice. I've had no financial support for more than 5 months and he's gotten everything he's asked for.

It's an awful feeling, I'm so sorry you're hurting. Give it time, the anger will lessen.

Thanks smiley. She wants the house and alimony. Child support is non negotiable in Nj. She was so agreeable before she saw the lawyer, she knows lawyers only see dollar signs the more the couples fight. She is so unbelievable.

It seems to me that some of your anger is misplaced. While I understand that lawyers may not be your favorite people, a lawyer is not to blame for your current situation. Your wife is the one who made an agreement with you and is now reneging. If it becomes necessary for you to lawyer up your lawyer is going to be your best advocate during a very trying time. It's going to be that much tougher if you have an adverbial relationship with both your wife and your lawyer.

I think he probably means in general when it comes to lawyers. I hate doctors in general, but I like mine.

That's rough..good luck

Seems rare that the friendliness and agreeable nature of people in the beginning lasts. I haven't seen it yet. My ex turned onto somebody else in court. I didn't think he could get much worse, but he did. I know you are frustrated it's justified and I am glad you are venting and getting it out. Hang in there ((((Hugs)))))

Have you seen a lawyer yet?

She might have initially agreed not knowing what's the average settlement in your state. Or she could be going for blood.

What my ex and I did was each go to a lawyer to see what to expect...then we sat down and made an agreement. We then had the lawyers draw it up. Each lawyer then made changes, so it got sent back and forth a couple times, and we each had time to read it carefully and think about it. THEN we both signed.

We never had a mediator, or went to court. Total cost was less then $5k (for both of us).

We each might have gotten a better deal in court. We each might have gotten worse. But without a doubt we each spent a whole lot less on lawyers and we came out of it all still talking to each other. (important since we have 2 kids).

I have seen several lawyers, I haven't picked one yet. But all of them agree that the more agreeable both parties are, the quicker and cheaper the divorce. I have told them what we have agreed on and they all said that it was very reasonable. I told how much the house is worth, it will be paid off soon, how much she and I make and how much my retirement has. I don't know about her retirement accounts. From what I told them everything should work out. If I give her the house, that is like paying her alimony upfront. But now, her lawyer wants her to ask for more, because she is "ENTITLED". She is the one that wants the divorce not me, and I have to give her more. That is her problem, if she feels entitled to something, she thinks she deserves to get it no matter the cost and aggrevation.

She screwed me. She waited until I signed the lease to tell me she wants alimony. I specifically asked the lawyers if moving out will go against me. They said no, because we agreed on no alimony and she is getting the house anyway. She is sneaky.

You have a lot of anger, but I will tell you that my ex husband (he had an attorney) had a lot of anger during divorce and he made a lot of bad decisions to threaten me and do other things that caused him real problems. So it's time to take deep breaths and learn some relaxation techniques so you don't do or say something you regret.

I will tell you that if your wife has retained an attorney for divorce, then I strongly suggest you also retain an attorney and do it now. I have worked in law offices for most of my life (not as an attorney) and I wouldn't want to see you try to go in for a divorce up against an attorney. They appear so often in front of the same judges that they know what these judges want to see, and what the judges will tolerate. Plus it also means they will be preparing all the documents and will put things in documents that you need your own attorney overseeing.

Also when both parties have retirement/401-K accounts, they both have to provide accountings of them and usually (depending on the state) each spouse may be entitled to half of both. So get an attorney.

You may probably be able to bring up that you had an oral agreement, signed a lease as a result, she reneged and now you are at a disadvantage and that disadvantage has to be reasonable and a good one.

Good luck and many hugs.

Whatever expectations you may have in the upcoming divorce......I assure you that it will be worse.....beyond your expectations.

Therefore, you must be mentally prepared as the former poster suggested.