I hope you soon see it was the right decision

What you are feeling is only natural - what ifs and maybes are bound to happen. Your children will adapt to whatever happens - there are lots of things you can do with them that cost nothing but love. I can't comment on whether you made the right decision, only you know that but it will become clearer - the petition arriving in the post has just knocked you off balance for a while

Just because you filed doesn't make it your "fault" that your marriage ended in divorce. What are you supposed to do, stay with a man who is having an affair?

They will still have two parents, as long as he doesn't jump ship on parenting. And even if he does (as mine has) you can still help them be as whole as possible.

It's terrifying to file, but I think once you get past the terror, you will see you had no choice. I mean, you did, but seriously, what kind of marriage would that be? Wouldn't you still be worried that he could leave you at any moment?

You will be able to offer your children a peaceful place to grow up, and a mother who is strong and emotionally more healthy than she could be in a crappy marriage.

Hang in there! And try to let go of a tiny bit of the guilt....just a little at a time.

Most of us have had those moments where we are lying awake at night, wondering if we did the right thing.

I sure thought this. When I knew my ex was involved in the affair, I even toyed with the notion of turning a blind eye and pretending it wasn't happening. I didn't want to face being 49 years old and starting over. I didn't want the financial hassles, the loss of security, the emotional upheaval.

But those thoughts only lasted a short time.
I realized that having self-respect was more important than being secure and comfortable. At the end of the day, I have to like the person looking back at me in the mirror.

Divorce is scary, but you will make it through and thrive. Your kids will be okay too. Think of what they would have learned had you stayed with someone you couldn't trust.

Hugs!!!

Right with you on the all-consuming-fear. You got my got my vote on "did the right thing by filing". I suspect that, deep down, past the fear/self-imposed guilt, you know you could not have done any differently. You are setting the example/teaching your children self respect and respect for others. Priceless. Yay you! (((((((((((llmt)))))))))).

(((Llmt)))
I know how scary the financial aspect can be, I'm living it myself. But children are resilient and they can and will adjust to the change. It is a far better alternative than staying in an unhealthy marriage. And the love and devotion you have for your children is far more valuable than this financial crunch, which in the grand scheme of things is really only a temporary setback. In my case, I don't have two nickels to rub together, but it doesn't matter to my son at all. He just wants his dad. you will persevere, and your kids will have a strong dedicated mom to look up to. They already do.

Huge hugs,
SD40

llmt.......you are worth so much more than to be used and abused. By filing are keeping your self respect (as already mentioned).

And don't you think you deserve to find someone who loves you and respects you?

If you stay married to this guy, then the right guy won't be able to enter your life.

Yes it will be hard for the children, but that's not your fault...it's his..end of story. And the children will grow up seeing a mother who didnt allow herself to be walked over.

I support your decision..so don't feel guilty. He was the one who took a blow torch to your marriage.

your fear is leading your thoughts. life is certainly going to change financially, but.... if you have a roof over your head and the bills are paid and there is no extra, thats a good start. if you stay with him, and he is still seeing her what does that say about your self-respect? if your children have your love, understanding, gentleness, attention and time then it's a win/win. i'm sure there will be some sadness for them. stop feeling guilty. what would you advice a friend to do? what would you advice a daughter to do, or a son who's wife was cheating? sometimes it's better for a child to have one great parent. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

{{{{{{{{LLMT}}}}}}}}}} - sooooooo wish there were words to make all of your fears about being a single Mom disappear.....but SD40 above, IMHO is dead on!! The things your kids need most from you is to be happy!! My sons knew that it was financially a strain...... but they adjusted fine really....... and the peace of knowing that they could come home daily with friends and NOT worry about emotional chaos, angry words, etc soon transformed our home into the neighborhood place to hang out. For weekend entertainment, my sons have all night poker tournaments, or online video game tournaments.......and something I do is grill ribs, steaks, or hamburgers, or fix pepper bacon and blueberry waffles at about 3 in the morning......... doesn't cost anything but a few hours of sleep (good thing that I worked 12 hr shifts in the ICU and learned to go without sleep for 36 to 40 hrs huh?) .....and their friends think it is amazing!! Their friends parents know that the boys are all safe and sound at my house.....no one worries... Another single Mom friend of mine here in OKC has makeover parties with her daughters and their friends......parafin dips to hands and feet, manicures and pedicures....experimenting with makeup.....hair styles........ Also museums, nature parks, trips to an area lake, free outdoor concerts in parks, indoor climbing gym, are things we enjoy here!! Giant hugs of support!! Cindi

(((((((((((LLMT))))))))))))
I know exactly where you are right now. I did turn a blind eye to the affair, for a very long time. I tried everything within my power to make our marriage work. I lost so much sleep over his decision. I am the product of divorced parents who couldn't get along AT ALL. So much so, that my father decided to leave the state and have no contact with his children. I wanted so much more for my own children. So I was willing to let him have his cake and eat it, too. For two years before he left, I was an emotional wreck, always trying to be "good enough" for him. In the end, that was what I couldn't handle anymore. Am I broke, yeah, do I still squeeze my budget to the limit, yeah. A converation I had with my daughter a couple months after he left allowed me to see that I did the right thing. The child is way too smart for an eleven year old, but it took her telling me I deserved better to realize that I made the right decision. So, I know how badly this is hurting you, I know that you want better for your boys and that you are second guessing yourself right now. But, honey, how long do you think you would be able to live with all the self doubt HE has caused. You are strong enough to do this, in the end the easy way (turning a blind eye and not going through with the divorce) will destroy you. The way it is now, it will only make you realize how strong you truly are. You can get through this, and we are right here to help you along the way! Love you! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((LLMT)))))))))))))))))))))))))

F**K...I just hate this..and I know I do it to myself. I talked with him today and I told him I just wanted him to say "I will do anything for you" but he said that even if we move...later on down the road I might say "it's just not working"..he is right...Idon't know I wouldn't say that. My trust is shattered. He said everytime he was on the phone he should not have to justify who it was or if he left to go to the store to justify that...I know I would want that. He sees her at work everyday and talks and texts her 1000+ texts...so yes..they are still seeing each oher in my book. When asked if he loves her...he says sometimes yes..sometimes no. That still is too wishy washy for me...it should be no...I need to let go b/c my health is being affected now. Thank you so much for all your wishes and advice. I just hope my decision won't bite me in he ass b/c I seem to always make the wrong ones...always, which is why I am questioning this.

"I seem to always make the wrong ones" - time to make the right one my lovely for your sake not his

I know how you are feeling. A lot of us do. This is not easy. It's a horrible situation....but it will improve. Your love is enough for your kids for right now. Don't think of the future as a whole....take it one day at a time. I know how scary the future looks right now...it scares me to death and keeps me up nights worrying. But we aren't helping ourselves or our kids.
Most people on here will tell you ....baby steps. And trust in yourself.
It also helps to have a conversation with the Man Upstairs.

Please keep us updated and if you ever want to talk, we are ALL here.
Sue

llmt, if you are just emotionally broken on a consistent basis, how good is that for the kids. You will teach them that their girlfriends, and future wives should take any crap they dish out... just like Mommy did when Daddy did it. As scary as the future is, I think it's the lesser of the two evils.

Moving forward that is.