Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Ex wife on her way over

kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Sooooo been 15 months since split, 7 months since I've even seen my ex wife. She and I texted about her helping our daughter with her room as our daughter K still lives with me, she's 18 now. I wanted to test myself, a where I'm at after all this time very limited contact and no actual visual as K is graduating on the 11th of this month and I want to gauge my reaction before the big night not during lol. I feel pretty good about things, I'm not hung up on her anymore and we can text/email about our daughter civilly so I figured let's see what happens. I am happy with the single life though finally, no more dealing with other people's drama and arguments and money problems etc etc but I am curious how I react emotionally. I think I'll be ok. I don't have that heart stop when I get a text or email anymore from her. It's taken some time but we shall see here shortly when she arrives. I'm pretty confident I'll be ok, but I do want to see where
I'm at 2-3 days after. If I experience a setback I won't sit with her at grad night but hopefully I've moved on. Take care all!
dclaus
dclaus
Good luck, sounds like you are pretty stable so you will do well.. :-)
broken234
broken234
Good luck! You always had pretty sound advice. I think you will do fine.
EmotionalCutter
EmotionalCutter
Best of luck! Your posts always seem full of strength & resolve to move forward. I imagine you'll be fine, but if you find it's harder than you thought, don't beat yourself up. You're human & emotions are unpredictable. Hugs to you. We'll all be anticipating your update!
athletic4ws
athletic4ws
You've got this Coop.. Let us know how it goes!
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
So far really good. The time apart is just essential. We are getting along fine but are both focused on the task. My advice to those who are struggling it takes many months to a year or more to get where I'm at. I'm not struggling at all. We both have our daughters interest at the forefront. Hopefully we can remain civil as we have these past months and work together for our daughter. I am better off apart from her as she is with me. Can we be friends? Maybe way later. But for now I can see we can cooperate in k's best interest so I'm at peace. And still happy being single :)
sja
sja
Awesome that things went well, coop, but honestly, there was no doubt in my mind that you would have an issue. You have made your peace and healed from the situation. You know who you are and are a complete person without her. You may be able to be friends, someday. In the beginning, my ex and I had a hard time attending functions for our daughter, especially for him, but after a year it wasn't so bad. Now at almost 3 years since we've been together and 2.5 since being divorced, we are truly friends rooting on our 6 year old.

We attended our daughters track and field day at school on Saturday, our parents were there and caught up with each other(they hadn't seen each other in years) and he and I cheered our daughter on from the sidelines together and took her around to the various booths and games together and had fun watching her have fun. BTW, she took 5th place out of the entire 1st Grade, so we were elated!
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
SJA great story! And yes it really just takes time huh? Last year I wouldn't been able to do this but I'm so much more comfortable now being on my own. The 7-8 months not seeing her has been completely necessary. Not ready for "friendship" but cordial and pleasant toward each other I can see now. I'm content.
steppingovertheedge
steppingovertheedge
You kick ass man, I doubt I would be at that point in 7-8 months. Hopefully I'd be moving on but being even cordial - I don't know. But my wife's cheating pattern has been extensive. I have a crapload of anger and loathing to deal with.

Good for you though!
sja
sja
Yeah, coop, friendship is possible, but don't forget, my situation is entirely different than yours. No cheating, so there was none of the extra crap to deal with. I think you are at a great spot, really. In all seriousness, my ex is my best friend when it comes to our daughter and her wellbeing. She's young, though, and you and your ex probably don't have to have the amount of contact we do. I'm sure as our daughter gets older and we are not in contact as much, things will be different, but I am so glad we get along like we do.
mynewnormal
mynewnormal
attitude is everything :)

thats so awesome that you've found peace.. you give the rest of us hope for a light at the end of this horrific tunnel we're in.. when I know my ex is coming over to pick up the kids I try soo hard to get myself psyched out and strong and keep my face unreadable.. cold if you will, just say what needs to be said, keep it simple.. if I'm having a good day, its awesome!.. but more often then not, the minute he walks in the door, my heart just drops.. and I crumble inside.. but it is getting easier.. I truly believe time is the secret here.. I just hope my timeline follows yours, I REALLY dont want to feel this way in another 6 months.. thanks for your story, like I said, gives me hope!
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Yeah to everyone responding I just wanted to get this experience memorialized. It was a test to see my response and gear up for grad night. I'm pleased so far. Im extremely happy with my life where it is being single and I completely recommend a long long time of very limited or no contact with as much no visual contact as possible. You HAVE to create that distance. You absolutely have to do the work to DETACH. I made sure it was extremely limited contact with good period of no contact at all. It's difficult but now I can interact with her as co parents with a common goal. A year ago? No freaking way! Now it's weird but kind of entertaining now. I guess because I'm content without her and not pining and agonizing anymore.
So there's hope for everyone because believe me I was destroyed after this breakup and after 15 months it's pretty damn good. Take care everyone, believe me you WILL get there.
neverceases
neverceases
It's been well over a year since I've seen the ex; no texting in that long either. We've only exchanged maybe 4 or 5 business type emails concerning our children or tying up loose ends with the divorce but we haven't even had an email in months. We've definitely been no contact (my choice) as much as humanly possible.

Even so, I can't say that I have any desire to be friends with him and I honestly don't see that ever happening in this lifetime. Civil at required events sure, but friends? I just don't see it.

The way I figure it, we've spent enough time in life together so I'm done now! No hard feelings, I just don't see the point. I've definitely moved on because I don't mourn the relationship at all anymore but I recognize he was not good for my well being. Plus I would always be leery of him just trying to use me for something he needs. Better to keep that genie in the bottle but that's just me.

lemaym1.wordpress.com/
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Never ceases I totally get it, it's not my first choice but we do have kids and a daughter we both are extremely close to and want her succeed after high school. Believe me it's all about her now. I've really worked on NC and very limited h LC. I want to be able to talk about our kids cordially. I don't want her back I know it wouldnt work. So far we are getting along as co parents and that works for me great. She's been a huge help today and if she can contribute with our daughter I'm all for it as long as I don't get hurt. My feelings took complete priority for 15 months.
So far so good.
tailspin916
tailspin916
My first wife and I divorced when my daughter was 2, daughter is 16 now. She cheated on me, which is why we got divorced. She justifies this by saying she married him, so what she did was not as bad, because it was "destiny." Whatever, anyway I digressed. To this day, the simple thought of her still makes me sick. Every time I get a text from her I still cringe. LOL.....but seriously, yeah, I do still cringe.
ChiTownBear
ChiTownBear
*two thumbs up*