Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Est3lle 02/01/2012

Ok - so me and my ex split up December 2011 - it was a bad relationship on and off for 4 years but I am struggling to move on and keep on looking at his twitter account!!! I know it is not benefitting me but I guess a small part of me just wants to know what he is up to!!!

I still feel really disapointed about the whole relationship! He was cheating on me all the time - using dating websites and a catalogue of bad stuff - I also saw on his twitter - thingsIregret and he said that he took her out the other week now realises what he missed out on - I think he took his ex out before we split!!!

What is wrong with me!!

stillbitterjaded 02/01/2012

We all do it. We SHOULDN'T, but we do.

My suggestion is to delete it. My favourite analogy - when you hitting yourself in the head with a hammer, it hurts. To ease the pain, you don't get a smaller hammer, a wooden hammer instead of a iron hammer, the only way to make it stop hurting is to STOP with the hammer!

This is what you are doing...you can only run face first into a cement wall so many times before you figure out it hurts. Turn away from the wall.

deleted_user 02/01/2012

I think it's completely normal to want to look. You're curious and you want to satisfy that curiosity.

Unfortunately, the twitter feed is wide open for everyone to see unless he makes his account private. You know exactly where it is and can find it any second of the day.

The only way to NOT let this affect you is to stop looking. Only you can make that happen. If you're having trouble keeping yourself from looking, make up a list of things you will do or other websites you will check instead of looking at his twitter feed. Then make sure you do them.

deleted_user 02/01/2012

oh yes, well all do this, I am extremely guilty of this. It's a compulsion, because it allows us to still feel like we are a part of their life and we know what is going on, even if what we find hurts us(99% of the time, it will). I was just talking to my therapist about this and she mentioned that it has to do with anxiety, like most compulsions and addictions. It's hard, but you have to learn to stop. I had access to my ex's facebook, and I would sign into his account. I fessed up and asked him to change his password because I had no self control.... and you know what? I felt better. I found out I didn't need to know what was going on, it allowed me to move forward.

deleted_user 02/01/2012

I can honestly say that this is something I never did. I simply didn't want to know and in the long run, it totally sped up my recovery. But I totally understand the compulsion to look. Giving in to that desire, while understandable, simply prolongs your own pain. I'm sorry you're hurting.

StillBitter, I absolutely loved your analogy about the hammers (i.e., when you're hitting YOURSELF in the head with a hammer, it hurts). Absolutely fitting analogy.

Est3lle 02/01/2012

Thanks for your responses!!!!

Urrggghh why can life not be more simple!!! or perhaps that would be too boring!!!

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