Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I was up all night thinking about my ex and what went wrong with our relationship. You would think, after almost 4 years apart, I'd be over it by now.
I was up anyway, so I went on Facebook to look at the last bit of communication from almost 2 years ago.
When I went to pull up our last conversation, I noticed she had a new last name.
I was floored.
I know, from our last FB conversation, she was in one serious relationship for 2 years where she was physically and emotionally abused, similar to her 1st marriage. That had ended sometime prior to our FB chats.
There was part of me that was hopeful these chats may lead to talking like we used to, and at least be friends. But, a few months later her FB status said she was in a relationship. Just like several times before since we broke up, she'd contact me when she was between relationships, we even had gotten back together a couple of the times, but all communication would stop when she'd start dating someone new.
So I stopped communicating with her.
Part of it was because I didnt want to cause trouble for her, but part of it was also disappointment because I thought the way our conversations were going, there was maybe a chance she still had feelings for me.
I guess that wasnt true. I never heard from her again
.
From time to time I would check out her FB page to see how she was, but didnt leave a message.
I hadnt checked for almost a year, as I was trying to move on and not think about her.
But, like I said, I had been thinking about her, so I decided to pull up those old conversations
And there it was.
The final kick in the crotch.
But, I cant be pissed at her for moving on with her life.
I AM pissed at myself for wasting so much time missing her while she was bouncing from one relationship to another and having no problem getting over me.
Shes been in 5 relationships, that I know of, since we split close to 4 years ago.
Ive been in NONE.
What an idiot!
Thinking that she really did love me and that someday wed be together again.
How could I be so stupid?
I was up anyway, so I went on Facebook to look at the last bit of communication from almost 2 years ago.
When I went to pull up our last conversation, I noticed she had a new last name.
I was floored.
I know, from our last FB conversation, she was in one serious relationship for 2 years where she was physically and emotionally abused, similar to her 1st marriage. That had ended sometime prior to our FB chats.
There was part of me that was hopeful these chats may lead to talking like we used to, and at least be friends. But, a few months later her FB status said she was in a relationship. Just like several times before since we broke up, she'd contact me when she was between relationships, we even had gotten back together a couple of the times, but all communication would stop when she'd start dating someone new.
So I stopped communicating with her.
Part of it was because I didnt want to cause trouble for her, but part of it was also disappointment because I thought the way our conversations were going, there was maybe a chance she still had feelings for me.
I guess that wasnt true. I never heard from her again
.
From time to time I would check out her FB page to see how she was, but didnt leave a message.
I hadnt checked for almost a year, as I was trying to move on and not think about her.
But, like I said, I had been thinking about her, so I decided to pull up those old conversations
And there it was.
The final kick in the crotch.
But, I cant be pissed at her for moving on with her life.
I AM pissed at myself for wasting so much time missing her while she was bouncing from one relationship to another and having no problem getting over me.
Shes been in 5 relationships, that I know of, since we split close to 4 years ago.
Ive been in NONE.
What an idiot!
Thinking that she really did love me and that someday wed be together again.
How could I be so stupid?
I understand it hurts you. But, as you pointed out, she "bounces" from one to the next...which indicates she has a low maturity level and needs men to take care of her. I think people need down time in between relationships to reassess their situation, see what they want, etc. Continuing to jump around and fill a void only leaves you alone or unhappy, imo.
Look at this as your closure....instead of kicking your own ass for loving her so long, look at it now like you have an answer. It's not the answer you wanted, but it could very well be the answer that's best for you. Take care.
You have had no relationships which in many ways is good. We all need quiet after a divorce. Need time to re evaluate, get our feet on the floor again etc. You said she 'bounces'. Bouncing from so many relationships in so little a time is not good. She is trying to fill a void that cannot be filled. It will leave her unhappy, unsatisified etc.
Did you need her to do this for your closure? you have a very definate answer. I can tell by your post it is not what you wanted but please now, start working more on you.
It's time to get the heck off Facebook. Facebook has been on this board so many times were people have gotten so hurt by it and it's time to unfriend and get the heck off her Facebook. You deluded yourself long enough and she moved on and kept moving on. While you stayed in the same place, waiting for her to return to you.
Now you have to start the process that you should have started when you were first separated and going through the divorce. No contact, no texting, no looking at her Facebook, get her off your Facebook and get yourself off her Facebook. NO LOOKING AT HER FACEBOOK because there are consequences to it and you just learned the consequences and they bite you hard and hurt.
Get into classes for photography, art classes, biking, hiking, exercise classes, etc. so that you get your mind focused onto something else and get yourself out among other people.
I would not date until you find that you no long pine for her and that you are able to feel positive about yourself without her and you being alone. Otherwise, it is a rebound relationship and it will end poorly.
GET GOING because you have a lot of ground to cover.
So sorry you have been waiting for her fruitlessly.
The others have good advice, go cold turkey no contact and fill your life with other things. I can't add anything to that.
I know it doesn't stop the pain of missing her and wanting back what you had though. Or the hurting that she has gone.