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Ever feel like when someone appologizes to you, that it's more about their needs or agenda, than for compassion or sincerity for you and your feelings? The actual remorse for something they've done seems to be missing...
My ex does this... When he appologizes, it doesn't really seem from remorse or empathy. It somehow seems more for his own agenda, and it's more frustrating than the thing he's appologizing about.
My ex does this... When he appologizes, it doesn't really seem from remorse or empathy. It somehow seems more for his own agenda, and it's more frustrating than the thing he's appologizing about.
deleted_user
i must admit my apologizing was my codependent way of making things nice and usually had a lot of saracasm attached. at this point if my stbx apologized it would be a victory and basically hell would freeze over. so no worry about that..i am sure
deleted_user
Well I never heard a single nice word out of my ex-s lips since we split, all he has done has been to lie and bad mouth me. Take it at face value and move on.
deleted_user
i keep hearing "I'm sorry this is hard on you.." Really? I don't think so....
deleted_user
He NEVER apologized. Guess that is an agenda all it's own.
deleted_user
Yeah,I know what you mean my stbx apologized to me. What he said was "I'm sorry things happened this way". Because after 26 yrs of marriage instead of telling me, he was unhappy and wanted a divorce or heaven forbin go to counseling. He told me he had sex with some else and that I needed to get checked for a STD. He apologized to me 3 days later. What a great guy!!! (sarcasm)
deleted_user
It's their way of justifying that what they've done is ok.
deleted_user
Absolutely! My x never willingly apologized for major oversights/inconsiderate acts (like going out and getting drunk one night and coming home at 3 a.m. when I had made dinner and missing our Christmas celebration. Whenever I said my feelings were hurt itf there was an apology (which was rare) it was along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel that way." Darn! Sometimes I wonder if loking at this site makes me more angry!
deleted_user
My ex apologized by saying the following "i'm sorry, my intent wasn't to hurt you". WTH? His intent was to get pleasure....my pain was never given a moments thought!
deleted_user
my ex is the same, its come to point now where when she bothers to say "sorry" i pretty much walk away saying: yup, your sorry. your about the "sorriest" person i know. LOL
deleted_user
I think they apologise to releave themselves of guilt, I mean why would one be sorry for doing something they thought was right, they just want us to say it's ok that you screwed me over so they can go on without a guilty concious. Thats what I think.
deleted_user
Well, I've never gotten one, so I don't know. It would be nice to actually hear an "I'm Sorry" from him. I think it's because he thinks that he doesn't owe me "anything".
deleted_user
I guess the truth here is that the person receiving the apology Knows the difference. If they have an agenda you smell it. It discounts the meaningfulness and the sincerity. If your sorry is sorry it doesn't relieve the pain. Being honest and authentic means something it builds trust and conveys love. Not much of this happening in divorce sadly enough.
MsBlank1
I know what you mean rose.My stbx says he's sorry,but to me it's just lip service.I always say words without actions are just words. So I usually feel he never means it.ouch!!!
deleted_user
Mine apologizes so much, but keeps repeating the behavior. I have told him to never say those words to me again, because they mean nothing. I wanted actions to say I'm sorry, he just could never do that.
deleted_user
Yes... I would rather see behavior change then the damn apology each and every week. We have been apart for 5 months...divorced for 2... and still he does things to me EVERY week that requires him to apologize.... I SO SICK OF IT!!! An apology from a serial apoligizer means NOTHING.....
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