I had a major epiphany last night. This entire so-called support system is nothing more than emotional masturbation. It is a Dumping Ground of Despair and wallowing in agony and (self) pity. It's marketed as a place of Collective Strength but frankly I don't think anyone's getting stronger at all. some of these people have been on this site for two years and more and are still pining over their exes. I am one of them granted it's only been about a month and a week for me but I've already made this realization, nobody here is getting stronger, its just a bunch of back -pats and hang- in- theres and these are random strangers who you assume are who they say they are. How many of these profiles are simply trolls or people who masquerade among those who are wallowing in legitimate suffering because some people just get a kick out of seeing car wrecks and that's what this place is full of: Emotional car accidents. Some people, in order to feel good about their own lives will deliberately misrepresent themselves just so they can slip amongst the herd amd observe the damage so they can feel better about their own dull lives and say "well at least I'm not them." how many these people are qualified to actually be dispensing information and advice? These are things you have to seriously consider. I do not believe any of these people are professionals some of them are fakes and some of them are other people who are emotionally stuck in life and they're not in the position to be able to help anybody because they can't even help themselves. Every second we spend on sites like this is a second that we are taking away from our real lives. Some of us have children who depend on us and I understand sometimes you are just banging out a couple of messages on down time but think about how much more you could accomplish if you spent all of this time on anything constructive, whether it's cleaning your house, or managing your bank account/bills, or just meditating. Take a moment to sit back and become introspective. I understand things are what you make them, but that goes both ways. I'll explain. I've been wallowing over my wife who was treated me like shit for the last couple of years and started cheating on me about a year ago convinced me I was crazy and sent me to therapy which I went to in order to help our relationship and it turned out I was not crazy I was right all along. Emotional abusers and manipulators are everywhere in society and they see weak people coming a mile away, and by weak I mean optimistic, emotionally vulnerable, genuine human beings who have the naive expectation that if you just give someone a chance they'll do the right thing and unfortunately the world is not that way. Turn on the news and you will see nothing but Carnage and con artists and death and all kinds of terrible stuff.  This isn't about blasting the media,  this is about understanding what is real in life. A lot of us have a lot going on, we have shit to do we have lives to rebuild and taking time away from The Real World so we can go into the virtual world and pour out our hearts assuming we even are who we say we are is nothing but wasted time. Its way easier to sit in front of a computer screen than running errands, managing a family, or looking inside and fixing ourselves. "None but ourselves can free our mind" -Marley. Our life clocks are ticking away, we are losing sand in the Hourglass every second of every day. I do not believe I will be logging on to this site much if at all anymore. For those of you pining over your ex's who have betrayed you, you have to realize the real problem is you. That includes me. I have concocted a fantasy in my mind about who I thought this person was and I allowed them to manipulate me and control me for the last decade. I've lost my entire twenties to this woman. And it's not her fault she's a devious bitch. You can't ask the crocodile why is it eating you, its just their nature. The real question is why are you letting it? We have all made mistakes in judgment, we have allowed ourselves to become emotionally vulnerable around people who didn't deserve it because we wanted to believe they are who we thought they were and eventually the cookie crumbled and all was revealed to be dust not sugar and flour. I'm not saying we deserve to be cheated on what I am saying is we have allowed ourselves to, and put ourselves in the position to be used to be stepped on and to be taken advantage of.  I'm not saying we deserved it, life is not about what you deserve. To borrow a house of cards quote we are all entitled to nothing. I'm getting a little existential here but it is all real and it's all true. Let me reiterate every second we spend away from our real lives allowing ourselves to suffer is time we don't have. We don't have this luxury. For those of you in the breakups and divorce Group take a glance at the widows and widowers group and I'm going to tell you right now some of them I know for a fact are fake profiles, but some of them are real. Some of these people have lost their loved ones at a time they felt was too early and one day that's going to be us..both losing and being lost, and it's going to come sooner than we're going to want it, and sooner than we think. No one has ever sat in the Cancer hospice Ward and thought to themselves I wish I just had more time to blog and post. I get what the idea of this forum is supposed to be, but how its actually used, for the people that this attracts, whether it's the car-wreck watchers or the people with legitimate sorrow in their hearts I say to you go out and live your lives and DO something. Make, build, create, grow and help to grow and that is how you will heal. I came to this realization in 4 weeks some of these people have been on the site for years and they keep going on and on about how they can't go on, and how they're so upset, and they're so distraught and I'm sure they are, but there are seven freaking billion people in the world(and always growing) there's work to be done, and there are quite a few fish in the pond. Some of them are sharks and barracudas and that's just the way it is.  Get yourself out of the house and DO.  I cannot guarantee you will even be "successful" in life, the only guarantee in life in death. You have to put yourself in the position that gives you the greatest chance for being happy, or even just content. And sitting in your homes and wallowing in suffering like I have been is a huge freaking waste of time. I feel so much better having been shaken back to reality and don't get me wrong my reality still sucks but by focusing on the negative all I'm doing is blinding myself to the unforseen positive and some of you have mentioned that, but at the same time here you are talking. Masturbation (in the metaphorical sense) feels good, and its easy, human beings do it all the time, but it's not productive in the sense that it doesnt compare with the real thing. It doesn't help us, it's not the same as living life and experiencing new things, or even old things we had forgotten we loved that we put on the back burner when we put these devious people in the center of our lives. And WE did that. Some people are just bad/selfish/devious, and they see us coming a freaking mile away and the crappiest part of this is familiarity breeds comfort so some of you are going to be attracted to someone who's just like your ex and you're only going to repeat this pattern.  Like those women who repeatedly date abusers who beat them and then they finally get away and meet a new guy who only beats them harder. This isn't about what's right or deserved, life is not about either of those things, this is about recognizing patterns and behaviors that we have imposed upon ourselves. The problem is the type that we're attracted to. And I would know, every single major relationship in my life has ended in infidelity so the problem is I'm fundamentally attracted to cute -looking devious bitches and I assure you I am no masochist. This is probably the last post you're going to see from me for a while, I have kids who need me and a life to rebuild and I can't do it here. And I don't have the luxury of downtime. These are just digital words in space, they are literally nothing. My only hope is I can Inspire some people to read this become introspective and start to go out and live their lives once again. Its not long and it's not perfect but it's worth doing. Who knows? I may run into you one day and you'll never know it was me but you'll never run into anybody in these chat rooms, some of them aren't even real people, but imposters with their own ajendas. you have to meet people in the real world if you want to move on. it's time to break the cycle.