Sounds to me like she does still want you in her life, just under her terms. That seems cruel on her part, really. I think you are taking the right approach.

Everybody is different, so each approach will be different. I remain friends with my stbx. She didn't want to be married any longer, and she doesn't need to be divorced but feels that would be best. I know that we will slowly drift apart as time passes, but my appraoch is to not cut ties totally. I am not angry at her, just disappointed. I still enjoy the time that I spend with her and I know she feels the same, but it is becoming less and less. In fact, the more I think out it, I really do miss her as my friend, but I know that I can't keep talking to her everyday like nothing has changed. So I do understand the way you are feeling, I am just letting the passage of time take care of our friendship.

I'm in the exact same place Heave. My STBX called me on the PHONE 6.28 and said he wanted out of the marriage. Total shock,had no idea.His reason for the divorce, he's just not as happy anymore. He had thought about it for a nbr. of months.Took one 3 month college course (that was it) then bought a motorcycle but said it still didn't make him happy. Only thing he knew to do was get rid of our house,37acres and his marriage.Figures he just needs to get out of everything and start a new life. We've been married 11years,got along great.I always looked at him as my best friend. I'm still in shock over this whole thing,can't eat & lost all kinds of weight,plus my hair is even falling out. Anyway he too said he wants us to go through the divorce proceedings as friends. He filed for divorce on July 22/08.After it's all over he said he wants to remain good friends. Yesterday after we discussed how things will be split blah,blah he even said I hope down the road when you get yourself another place you'll allow me to come over and just spend time. He also told me a few days after asking for a divorce that he just wants to be free from everything right now...maybe it's a mistake and who knows maybe we'll just end back together again!!! He is a great guy,very sweet but OMG what's he thinking! Put me through this living hell so he can go play the field for a few years and we will remain friends and I'll just be standing there waiting? Don't think so. I know I could never trust him again because of a few things I did find out. He had been talking to another woman (who he never knew prior)for ONE MONTH before asking me for a divorce. Guess it was better to cry on her shoulder,let her in on what he was feeling and then shock me with the phone call. I'm sure this other woman did everything to convince him to go to me,see a counsler,anything to try and save our marriage. NOT!!! I'm sure he hook went in the day they started talking & she just reeled as hard as she could. But he's too nieve to see that. Her words probably tasted like Sweet Tea to him,he just doesn't realize their was a lot of poison in that same glass.
So friends long term will never happen.Right now I'm trying to keep things on a friendly basis until the divorce is finalized. He thinks I have plans to stay in the area but he's sadly mistaken. My plans are to move 2500 miles to where my family lives. Everyone is right, very few people can stay in contact with an X, hear about all the great times they are having,who they are dating or even getting serious with and the chance of bumping into them. Nope, that's not going to be for me. For me to clearly move on I have to put all this behind me. Don't want what is healed to be torn open with phone calls, or the unexpected knock on the door. I believe he's the kind of man who turns to other horizons when the past and present becomes old,there is no chase or challenge left...all in his mind that things will be more exciting on the other side.
I believe you're right for keeping the distance Heave, she only wants the reassurance you care,you love her...gives them power but you are left powerless. Stay the course. I have no family members with me and really no friends.I told him he literally dropped me into a deep dark pit which I feel will take me forever to crawl to daylight.I can't move back to my family until our house sells and with todays market I could still be sitting her July 2009 :(
Take care and be strong...y'all need to be strong for all of us like Heave,myself who are still struggling so bad.

I am NOT friends with my ex! He simply isn't "friend" material in my mind. He's a cheater and a liar and that old expression "show me your friends, I'll tell you what you are", pops into my head when I think about it.

Hang in there Heave, i think the guilty party have a tendency of going down the bullshit friends path. Mine wanted to go out for dinner the other night, yeah like that was going to happen. I would rather tango with the devil..good luck

I hear ya, Onwards. I so wish my ex-wife would stop calling to "chat." Chat meaning she wants to bitch about how much her life sucks.

*hiss*

That's her problem now. I'm free!

LOL

i whole heartedly agree with this approach, i am wiping the slate clean, and going to act like she never exsisted. different towns so it should be easy.

I completely understand. If my husband and I were ever to break up forever, I could NEVER be his friend, because of our past also. I would long to want him and hold him and so on. Even if we weren't together. I understand, and I'm sorry that you have been put in this predicament. If you arent going to live at the house anymore, tell her to hire someone to fix it. I dont think its a bad approach at all, may be to some people, some people can just change feelings and be friends. But not me. Once you love somebody, you always do. That's how I feel anyways. Good luck to you

I agree.Even tho I left becuz he NEVER treated me like a friend...what makes him think he could be a friend now...seeing as he hasn't changed.He's never so much as to try to save this relationship even after I left 4 years ago.He wants this divorce to be amicable but has done nothing to do so on his end.I say....end it and move on

It's just the opposite for me. I am the one wanting to stay friends with my wife who is living with another man. I don't think I really want to be her friend. I think I feel like she will see what she is losing and come back to me.

The person she has become is nobody I would ever be friends with. But I can't seem to look at her that way except for brief moments. I just remember the wonderful wife and mom she was for 9 years. . .

I think my STBX believes we are still going to be friends, but she's living in a fantasy world right now anyway. If we didn't have kids together I would never speak to her again.

I want to add my voice to the chorus above. My ex wanted the divorce, but wants to come over and drink with me and my friends, go camping together etc. just like old friends. to which I must respond "NO WAY IN HELL" you will not heal with her around. I have learned that. My advice is: you have no kids, so you never have to see her again. Cut her out of your life and become happy again. Live honestly for yourself, and you will be happy.

Nope - personally I don't get the whole we are still friends that I hear so much on this site. If you have children, then one must be civil, but if not? Then WTF?????

Here's the problem...and I don't know your whole story. my ex was the same way. i wanted the divorce (he was awful during our marriage and eventually cheated on me when we were going thru marriage counseling). So I left him. He told me he still loved me (still does). I tell him I want to be freinds with him and he says he can't do that. Then he gets nasty because I won't say I love you back. Maybe she is just ready to move on with her life. You should stop telling her you love her. I will always love my ex...we have three kids together. But I'm not "in love" with him and don't want to be married to his cheating ass anymore. But somehow he makes me out to be the bad guy cause I am moving on with my life and he is stuck in the past.

if you had kids with her i would say that you need to maintain and friendsly relationship for their sake but you dont so i say f*ck her! she wants her cake and eat it too.. it dont work that way!