Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Last night my wife called me (the nerve of her). She was complaining about some recent problems with the house. I made sure that I told her that if I was still home I would have been there to take care of those problems.
I made mention that if we were able to work things out that we should spend some time working on the house together to get it in order (that will never happen because it was built in 1858 and it needs a lot of work). She finally said don't even talk like that because we are just going to be friends, we aren't going to be married anymore.
I told her that I still love her and I couldn't be friends with her because of our past. I told her that it is all or nothing.
She said that she was disappointed. I told her that is the way things work and that kind of relationship would only cause pain. It is all or nothing.
I can be friendly towards her, but we damn sure aren't going to be friends. The first time I saw her with another man would tear me up. NEVER. I don't keep exes in my life, I clean the slate. After the divorce I intend to do this with her. We don't have kids so I can do this. I don't want to know how she is or where she is...I don't give a damn. She left me so she has to live without me.
Does anyone think that this is a bad approach?
I made mention that if we were able to work things out that we should spend some time working on the house together to get it in order (that will never happen because it was built in 1858 and it needs a lot of work). She finally said don't even talk like that because we are just going to be friends, we aren't going to be married anymore.
I told her that I still love her and I couldn't be friends with her because of our past. I told her that it is all or nothing.
She said that she was disappointed. I told her that is the way things work and that kind of relationship would only cause pain. It is all or nothing.
I can be friendly towards her, but we damn sure aren't going to be friends. The first time I saw her with another man would tear me up. NEVER. I don't keep exes in my life, I clean the slate. After the divorce I intend to do this with her. We don't have kids so I can do this. I don't want to know how she is or where she is...I don't give a damn. She left me so she has to live without me.
Does anyone think that this is a bad approach?
doing the same thing myself
Keeping exes as friends can cause a lot of problems. Emotional problems for yourself. Jealousy in future partners. Some people can do it, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't work out great for most, at least as far as I have seen.
*high five*
*man hug*
*belch*
I think your approach is good, but I think you need to make the descision and move on. No more calls or contact unless you have to. Don't tell her you love her anymore, she already knows this. She obviously does not appear worthy of your love.
As so many have told me, it takes time and time sucks, I know very profound.
Let me make sure I've got this right. . .she is the one who wants the separation, doesn't want the marriage to continue but won't file for divorce, calls you with all kinds of problems and pet chores, and SHE IS DISAPPOINTED IN YOU for not wanting to be friends!!??
If I come to Virginia to slap her for you, will you promise not to arrest me? lol
You're right---the nerve of her.
Peace and hugs.
Yeah it sucks...I love her. I don't tell her this anymore. Maybe I don't really love her but the illusion of her, if that makes sence. It is wierd how the mind and heart work.
I haven't been calling her or emailing her at all. She always initiates conversations. It is like she wants to live separate but still have me in her life. That won't work on my end. Sorry about your bad luck wife, but I don't play nice when it comes to exes.
No way--once someone dumps me, I never look back.
I understand loving the illusion--that's what I did for the first month or so. Missed who he used to be, and what we used to have, and what we might have had.
In the past few weeks, I've realized how happy (if that's the right word at this time) I am to be rid of him. I'm starting to remember all the bad stuff. The rose-colored glasses are gone.
You'll get there, Heave. My stbx came by to get some stuff today, and after he left, no feeling at all.
Peace and hugs.
Your stbx doesn't want to be married to you but wants you to father her child?
Man, that's . . . messed up.
I have an ex boyfriend whom I dated for 6 years. We didn't speak for 10 years after that. Now we are friends but it took a long time. Also he's an ex bf, not an ex spouse.