Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

enduring the pain

seeker01
seeker01

I am pulling out all the stops trying to endure the pain of ending a 13 year relationship I know was unhealthy for me.  I have analyzed it up and down, but I cant seem to get the angst and loss out of my head.  My ex-husband was an alcoholic and committed suicide after 14 years of marriage.  I met my boyfriend 1 month after my divorce of my ex- and we have been together for the most part for the past 13 years...we were engaged until last November when I called it off after one too many verbally/emotionally abusive interactions.  Strangely, the more time went on, the more I was afraid he was going to abandon me.  I have been doing a ton of grief therapy, and work on PTSD.  Its just so hard to lose someone again though i was unhappy most of the time with him.  Its kind of a broken record, I just wish I could move on in my head.  


ARRgh!

GettingBetterEveryday
GettingBetterEveryday
I'm so sorry you have been through all of this. It sounds like you made this decision with your happiness and well being being the priority, as it shd be! stay strong in your decision and resolve. You deserve happiness! I wish you strength and courage as your journey continues...
Enchantress1821
Enchantress1821
I am sorry for your tragic loss of your ex-husband. I understand the turmoil of not wanting to let go of someone who has done you wrong for so long. You feel like if you break up with this unhealthy person that something might happen to him and you won't know about it. I recently lost a very dear friend of mine unexpectedly and now I hold onto so many unhealthy and toxic relationships in my life. Everyday, I live in fear of the unknown because you don't know what may happen... I guess you are the only one that can decide the best outcome for yourself and your current situation.
Nick2017
Nick2017
find something to do. go support groups like this and go to find people to talk to. will keep you busy and soon you will move on before you know it. don't sit down and over think it.
jaynib
jaynib
Dear Seeker, that is a heavy load to bear. I'm glad you are in grief therapy. Support is the only way to get through these things. But being with someone abusive will hinder that healing, not help it. I suggest at the very least taking a breather from each other while you individually work on your issues. I know it's hard to be alone after so long but it sounds like it may be the best thing. Maybe down the line things can work out. A book that helped me recognize my damaging patterns was Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud. Praying you find your way out of the dark clouds to a sunny horizon.
seeker01
seeker01
Thank you all for such kind and compassionate words- I made a promise to myself not to dwell on the negative. Im setting a new path and though I find myself veering off often, at least I can catch myself before I fall back into the rut! Its amazing that you all out there in the universe just appeared with the perfect words and support I needed. Thank you!!!
Cora_Belle
Cora_Belle
It looks like you ended one abusive, unhealthy relationship and entered into another relationship without taking the time necessary to duly heal from the divorce and get yourself healthy for another relationship.

My suggestion is that before you entering into another relationship, make sure you are healed and emotionally healthy. Like attracts like. Which means emotionally healthy people attract emotionally healthy people. And people who are not emotionally healed attract, well, they attract other unhealthy, unhealed people.
seeker01
seeker01
true story! I am taking a hard look at this- it is work that is very difficult and gut wrenching- I am working hard to look at the positives in my life, paradoxically I wish I could have healed within the relationship but I couldn't and I guess that is the lesson. I see how he was attracted to vulnerability and he had no compassion to work with. When the triggers of grief and abandonment occurred, he took advantage for his own ego instead of supporting me through my weak times. At this point i need to remember it is my journey to focus on and though I am sad missing the good times, i looking forward to the freedom of letting it go...