Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So, a couple weeks ago marked 1 year, 6 months. I've been separated for that long. No contact in 1 year, 3 months. I've been a very good person about keeping that line cut, mostly in part to your guy's and ladies encouragement. Problem I have as of late, is that, I don't understand why I'm in the same position.
12 months came and went in May. A very challenging time for me, but I made it none the less. 12 months is when she could legally file for divorce, due to me moving back to NJ, with my family, and what I assume was her moving back with hers. So what goal does she have on keeping this marriage thing the way it is.
It's not to say I got people knocking down my door to want to date me, or even really wanting to be bothered me, so it isn't like moving to this next step is important to me. But there still isn't any closure, and I think it is bothering me a little. The last week or so, I've found myself dreaming about her. Plotting all the different ways she is waiting. Thank my brain for that.
But realistically, what goal is in keeping me separated, but not divorced? Is it to punish me some more? She did like controlling every aspect of my life in our marriage. Do you think she is expecting me to file it? If so, she has a very long wait. Principals on my account, solely because I believe in marriage, and the sacredness of it, and I didn't want out of it to begin with 18 months ago. My feeling still is, if she wants out, she is paying for it. I know that is probably petty, but she wronged me in so many ways, it only feels right to me.
Is there any advice you guys could give me on handling this? I am hoping the dreams fade again. I'm assuming with the holidays and my birthday being 8 days away might be triggering some of that. But am I to be in limbo until she decides that she finally wants to let me go officially. Honestly it just feels like a game, and maybe it is just me, but I'm so tired of games. But I guess I make it easy for people, having morals and ethics to guide me in life seems more like a crutch then a help. Seeing as everyone can manipulate me, and use my own beliefs against me, I guess it is only fitting.
12 months came and went in May. A very challenging time for me, but I made it none the less. 12 months is when she could legally file for divorce, due to me moving back to NJ, with my family, and what I assume was her moving back with hers. So what goal does she have on keeping this marriage thing the way it is.
It's not to say I got people knocking down my door to want to date me, or even really wanting to be bothered me, so it isn't like moving to this next step is important to me. But there still isn't any closure, and I think it is bothering me a little. The last week or so, I've found myself dreaming about her. Plotting all the different ways she is waiting. Thank my brain for that.
But realistically, what goal is in keeping me separated, but not divorced? Is it to punish me some more? She did like controlling every aspect of my life in our marriage. Do you think she is expecting me to file it? If so, she has a very long wait. Principals on my account, solely because I believe in marriage, and the sacredness of it, and I didn't want out of it to begin with 18 months ago. My feeling still is, if she wants out, she is paying for it. I know that is probably petty, but she wronged me in so many ways, it only feels right to me.
Is there any advice you guys could give me on handling this? I am hoping the dreams fade again. I'm assuming with the holidays and my birthday being 8 days away might be triggering some of that. But am I to be in limbo until she decides that she finally wants to let me go officially. Honestly it just feels like a game, and maybe it is just me, but I'm so tired of games. But I guess I make it easy for people, having morals and ethics to guide me in life seems more like a crutch then a help. Seeing as everyone can manipulate me, and use my own beliefs against me, I guess it is only fitting.
stay true to what you believe, seems like you believe in more than yourself---a good thing,
To me, that is not the marriage God has planned for someone, and not for me. To me a marriage is loving, caring, and respect for one another. No matter how difficult times may be, you do not treat someone like that, and one day, Lord willing, I will have that person who treats my son and me with that respect and love. I see the blessings of marriage with my siblings and their spouses, my parents, and other family members, as I used to sit back and say to myself, "why can't I have that? Why can't I be loved like that?" One day I will.
I guess I feel a bit confused. She was so quick to get rid of me, made it abundantly clear she wanted nothing more to do with me, 18 months ago. It broke my heart, shattered my life and all I knew, but I grew from it. I'm fully functional again, in a much better place in my life most days, and overall a happier person, then I was then, and even in the last couple years of my marriage to her. But since she made it so clear, why am I still waiting. I guess it just hurts, knowing that even outside of marriage, she can still toy with me a little. And I'm letting her. I need to stop.
If I were you - with some time under my belt and a new life - I'd be taking my control back and cutting those ties. Divorce her. Free yourself so you can truely move on. Then you need never wonder again............it would a gift to yourself.
You can use any excuse to stay "legally" married, but the relationship ended almost two years ago. Who knows why she hasn't filed, you need to take control of your life. It isn't her keeping you in limbo, its you keeping yourself there. Regardless if there are people crashing your door down or not to date, you need to run your own life and take a step to make it better. No one is going to do that for you, but you.