I am exactly there with you, @Tobar21.
My wife just left me. I can't say we decided together because I don't agree. As you, I can see why she's leaving me, but I can also see that I can change and I am genuinely changing, it's not just denial or bargaining just to keep her.
The fact remains that she does not love me any more. Maybe she just feels that she needs to take care of herself, maybe I've become toxic to her, maybe the memory of the she she's been while she was with me is just too painful to bear, and maybe she's just lost any interest in this. In my case, I know it's all of the above, and if that's your case too, we need to respect them, we need to acknowledge what we did and focus on that, fix ourselves, and yes, we need to give up on it.
I feel giving up on the marriage is failing her, failing the promise I made to her all those years ago. But what I need to realise is that I failed all these years, and this is the consequence of that. I must not beat myself so hardly that I break myself, but I certainly must face it so that I can both let her go, as she is asking me to, and let myself move on to the person I want to be, which does not and must not depend on her.
I know this may not help much, but actually, every day I am moving closer to accepting it. It has only been 3 days since my separation became a reality, and I'm already beginning to at least accept that she will never want me back. I can't speak for you, all I can do is tell you that we need to respect them and be strong for ourselves.

I'm in the EXACT same boat. Just like you, I understand my wife's reasoning for wanting out of the marriage, but what really hurts is her unwillingness to make an effort to fix things. She is just determined that this is the way things have to be and no one can convince her otherwise. It really sucks. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't. All I can offer is solidarity, and the knowledge that you're not the only one going through this particular circumstance.

As someone on the other side of this coin, I can relate. For a decade, my stbx pushed me away. I felt like my body was full of puzzle pieces, all of the pieces being full of love for my spouse. But every time he pushed me away I felt as if he took one of those pieces, and eventually he lost so many pieces that he couldn't put the puzzle back together anymore.

The day I realized that he didn't respect me, it was like a light switch was flipped. I had a total moment of clarity and I just cannot see him the same any more. He is really like a different person to me, because he is, I just hadn't noticed before.

I don't know how that helps, it really probably doesn't. I'm trying to sort out a lot of my own thoughts too so thanks for giving me a safe place to do so.

@GettingStronger4, I read what you wrote and I see my wife... sorry, I see my EX-wife reflected in those words. She now sees me for what I truly am... or was... or am, I no longer now. She couldn't see the real me, she loved me too much and believed in me too much, and now she sees it.
The thing is I'm the other side of that coin, as you say, and I feel so rejected, so broken, so... worthless... I guess that's how I made her feel. Why didn't I just come to this forum two years ago? </3
I feel so sad that I was a monster to her, and I feel so sad that I am genuinely changing and she just does not see me as a man any more, I'm just a bump in the road, a thing of the past, a broken memory... it is destroying me.
Thanks for letting me see this, I need to own it, I really do.

I am the wife, that don't want to give up a single day of my life to a husband who took me and all my love for him and this family for granted for twenty years. I stood by him when he had sever depression for six years. I took care of the kids, the household and him. I have him so many chances and he thought that I would never leave him and each time he pushed it further. It's great that you admit that you did wrong and you are taking some responsibility for it. Speaking from myself, I think I've given him enough chances. You get to a point that you feel, enough is enough. Is it easy for me???? Absolutely not. It's a nightmare and God knows how my heart has been broken and how bad I wanted my kids to have a family. it's devasting to see my beautiful kids to go through divorce. It breaks my heart and I feel the wound in my heart. I am willing to work on that and give that a chance, but not my husband. When it's done it's done. Some people don't appreciate what they have until they lose it. This is a lesson to learn for all of us to grow and not to make the same mistakes again.

Many times when its over its over, some come on
Here and someone will ask if they did MC. Most
Have done everything in their own power and
Control to fix things already before things getting
This far.

It still takes two healthy mature Adults to work
on the problems. My ex and i did the MC, he did
It to look good on the surface but it was a joke.

First time she called him on a behavior he was
Done and insulted. He was also looking at other
woman And he did not want to stay married to me.

Keep working on yourself, go to therapy and join
Support group like divorce care or rebuilding.org
Group.

If there are addiction problems and issues deal
With them, HUGS

Visc you sound very much like my stbx (you aren't, are you? lol).

As a veryy empathetic person, I look at my soon-to-be-ex-husband and I see a very broken man. It hurts my heart to see the father of my kids like that but there is just nothing I can do anymore. He has been so unhappy for so long but couldn't snap out of it despite medication and years of counseling both together and separately. I encouraged him to stick with his counseling and I would encourage the same for you.

I truly do not want my soon-to-be-ex to suffer and I hope your ex holds no hostility towards you either. I guess somewhere deep down you will have to learn how to forgive yourself so that eventually you can learn how to be a great partner next time around.

Raindrop and Getting Stronger - My God, I could have written your posts exactly. I'm the one leaving. I can't take it anymore. I'm the responsible one. I'm the caretaker... of the kids, the bills, him, the pets, the school work, the every damn little thing. I'm the shield for him to his family. I'm the one his mother treats like crap when she knows he won't listen. I'm the excuse maker to our kids - "oh no, honey, daddy's just not feeling well" so he doesn't look like the lazy p.o.s. he is. I'm the worker, so he can sit on his ass and do nothing for 6 years.

I can't do it anymore. I'm tired! I want to hand it off sometimes and I can't because he won't do it. And his depression and anger... I'm everything I am and he screams at me and scares us. It's ALWAYS what he wants, what he likes, what he thinks...

Like the puzzle, I'm reminded of the story about the fence. You can shoot so many holes through the fence until it falls down and there's nothing left.

And so, like the fence, is my marriage... a completely miserable, broken down, unhappy wife and a husband saying "what did I do wrong?"

When we were on our honeymoon, a waiter told us that marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100/100. If BOTH aren't giving their all, it will fail. I've been giving 190% for years while he's been giving 10%. And I can't love a man who made me feel this way... in fact, I resent the hell out of him.