Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi, I am new to this group. I went looking for support on line, because I do not have any family where we live and I feel very much alone.
I who drove my husband out and that has been a very hard pill to swallow. Without going into too much detail, I was very controlling, checking his phone constantly, not trusting him, you get the picture. He suffered for something another man did and now I am looking at the shambles of a marriage, 08-08-08 is our wedding date - we didn't even make it 8 years.
My husband has moved out and is living with his parents. We are going to seperate counselors and while he is making strides, I feel like I am stuck in this mountain of pain with nowhere to turn.
Neither of us has filed, but he has formed a strong emotional bond with a woman at his work. She is his confidant. They do not have the ugly history that was our marriage.
It has been a wake up call, but I am afraid it is too late. I think he has stronger feelings for this other woman, because there is no stress.
It is very hard to deal with, knowing that I destroyed his love for me. The fact that I did not see what I was doing to him is no excuse, but it does not make the result easier. He admits that he allowed me to become controlling of his life - I wish he had said something as soon as it began. He says he still loves me and he cares for me and that there is always hope, I just don't see how he can still love me and be willing to give me time to work on myself in order to fix my problems with counseling.
Nights are the worst for me. I lay there and think about all the things I did and what I have lost because of it. The pain is almost unbearable! I have a sister in another State and a daughter also in another State, I can call them and lean on them, but at 2, 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning there is nobody.
How am I going to go on, knowing I destroyed my own marriage and that I've lost the man I love very deeply, even with the horrible way I treated him?
I who drove my husband out and that has been a very hard pill to swallow. Without going into too much detail, I was very controlling, checking his phone constantly, not trusting him, you get the picture. He suffered for something another man did and now I am looking at the shambles of a marriage, 08-08-08 is our wedding date - we didn't even make it 8 years.
My husband has moved out and is living with his parents. We are going to seperate counselors and while he is making strides, I feel like I am stuck in this mountain of pain with nowhere to turn.
Neither of us has filed, but he has formed a strong emotional bond with a woman at his work. She is his confidant. They do not have the ugly history that was our marriage.
It has been a wake up call, but I am afraid it is too late. I think he has stronger feelings for this other woman, because there is no stress.
It is very hard to deal with, knowing that I destroyed his love for me. The fact that I did not see what I was doing to him is no excuse, but it does not make the result easier. He admits that he allowed me to become controlling of his life - I wish he had said something as soon as it began. He says he still loves me and he cares for me and that there is always hope, I just don't see how he can still love me and be willing to give me time to work on myself in order to fix my problems with counseling.
Nights are the worst for me. I lay there and think about all the things I did and what I have lost because of it. The pain is almost unbearable! I have a sister in another State and a daughter also in another State, I can call them and lean on them, but at 2, 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning there is nobody.
How am I going to go on, knowing I destroyed my own marriage and that I've lost the man I love very deeply, even with the horrible way I treated him?
The problem I am having with figuring out if I drove him to do the things he did, or if he drove me to become what I have become.
I just don't know why he stayed if he was so unhappy. At least I can say that I stayed because I loved him.
Besides going to his female coworkers house while I thought he was working, I found out a lot of other things. He actually told me about them after the fact, though I discovered quite a few myself.
He used to have a Facebook account until I saw that almost all of his 'friends' on their were women and they addressed him as 'handsome', 'sweety', etc. I got mad, told him I thought it was not acceptable for him to be talking with women in that way. He deactivated that account, though I am now sure he just turned around and opened another.
By the way, he has no male friends - none he ever hung out with, none that I know about.
Anyway, then he got into playing Dice with buddies on his phone, for hours on end, while I was sitting right next to him. I noticed that he was texting a lot with that as well, so I got mad again. He recently told me that he would uninstall the game once he got home and then install it again when he went to work or when I was not around.
He also told me that he would take to sexting with other women whenever things were 'not good' between us. He said it didn't mean a thing to him, that he did not feel why he needed to get women to fall in love with him. He said that once they were hooked on him he would lose interest and move on to the next. Said there wasn't even any sexual excitement for him other than in his head.
I never knew for a fact what was going on, but again, most of the time I felt like something was just really off, I was always suspicious, checking his phone, the phone bill - you get the picture.
Since he has been going to counseling - well, he says he is seeing someone, does not know if he is a 'real counselor - he has told me that he has 'allowed' me to control his entire life and that he will no longer allow me to do that. That he is taking back his life and he thanked me for forcing him to take control of his life again, for having to set up his own accounts, for having to learn to keep track of his money, etc.
So, when you ask why I still have trouble letting go, it is because I do not know who caused who to do what. The answer to that could result in extreme guilt on my part.
I really WAS a good wife! He never had to worry about me looking at another man, let alone cheat on him. The sun rose and set over him in my eyes. I took good care of him - all of the time. He never lacked for anything. All he had to do was go to work, come home and drink beer and watch TV. I handled all other aspects of our marriage and worked a fulltime job myself.
This morning I dropped the divorce papers off at his parents house where he is staying. I feel better already! I still have to work out some of the details, but I think I am going to be ok.
One woman had been married for almost 40 years and is now divorced and looking for a job. I'd guess her to be in her late 60's. Her daughter was with her and also divorced - since 2013 and still dealing with that.
Another woman had been married and divorced 3 times - it was just so depressing. I left more upset than when I went there.
I have found that this site and group are being more helpful than anything else - with exception of my counselor.
Thank you all for being here and sharing!
No one person is to blame for a marriage or a relationship ending. Don't take all the blame. Don't beat yourself up.