Yes a good marriage is such a blessing, and if it's not the best marriage, it's still marriage. I have always believed that people married because they were "in Love" now I believe some people get married because they want to hurry up and get that family started, or they need to marry because it's the right thing to do, or because their clock is ticking and need to be married. I'd like to believe the former that people marry because they are "in Love" if you can marry the love of your life, to me that is such a huge blessing. I was not one of those lucky people however, and that's good that you feel blessed to be married. I wish I would have married because It was the right one and I was in love. Now looking back I was one of those who's clock was ticking and got married to hurry up and start the family.

:( not a reason to get married, just my 2 cents. God bless you.

I thought I was marrying "the one", but I can see now that I was only fooling myself. I believed he was a much better man than he turned out to be. I'm not sorry I married him though because I got the most wonderful daughter out of it, but I am sorry for all she has had to go through and is still going through with such a selfish, narcissistic father. I entered into my marriage with a pure heart though ... I loved him, I cared for him, I wanted a family and a life with him and I wanted to grow old with him. I remember, in the beginning, how my heart would flutter when he would call me at work or at home just to chat and I remember how in the chaos of babies, toddlers and pets, I'd run to put a fresh coat of lipstick on when I saw him pull into the driveway. He was cruel to me even then, but I kept hoping and praying he would change. I forgave and forgave and forgave, but all it ever got me was more abuse. Now I look at old couples walking together at the mall or in my neighborhood. They hold hands or sit in Starbucks talking over coffee and a pastry. That's what I want. That's what I've always wanted. My stbx would probably say that's what he wanted too, but he wasn't willing to do what it took for that kind of a relationship to grow. I agree that people have all kinds of motives for getting married and sometimes when a marriage ends, it's a good thing.

Hey Samantha, I hope you newest post wasn't about me because I am married. I am very separated and don't want to divorce but I am trying to get through this. I have no way of knowing the outcome of my marriage. My wife says she can't tell me anything so of course I go to the darkest part of my mind. I have received so much good and enlightening advice here. I would never want to offend anyone by my still being married. I just can't throw 25yrs away nonchalantly. We had a great marriage for many years, her loving my best friend threw me for a loop. Many members have shared their stories when the same thing happened so it has been extremely helpful. I like to think that I can encourage and be encouraged regardless of current marriage status. I am trying to have a positive outlook on my marriage, I am not to the point of giving up yet, but I also want to know why I am feeling and hurting so bad and know that I will survive. If you were not directing at me, I'm glad- just feeling really sensitive. We are 2 months in and she just tells me I can't tell you what you want here right now. I take one step forward and ten steps back.

Stex, I think most of us on here had hoped and
prayed Everything would work out and go back
to howThey use to be long ago.

Sometimes if both partners are Mature willing
adults and they can work and act like grownups
then they can work on their issues.

Its not the case a lot of the time, usually one is
Long Emotionally Checked and in affair fog and
Has no remorse or concern. Like my ex. HUGS

Thanks miranda, you know how it goes we both did our fair share to ruin things. I just think she has no respect left for me or love. I am dying inside, the thought of being by myself the rest of my life is so daunting.

Stex first we need to heal ourselves and get
Whole then we will be ready for our new life.

i did a lot wrong in my marriage too and i am
trying to get better and i keep working on me
with the help of God and my support system.

Many checked out spouses act the same, my
Ex was over the top in behaviors so I know all
The feelings and emotions well. This was not
The man i thought I married.

If they dont respect you they dont love you
if they respected you they would not have
cheated. HUGS

Your post could have been mine. I absolutely have wanted to grab my friends, shake them, and say wake up!!! I would have done anything to have saved my marriage if my ex had only voiced his feelings.

But, 2 years out from the day he told me he was having an affair, I wonder if it would have made a difference. It takes 2 people totally committed to working through a marriage. It is hard work. I means taking responsibility for yourself and your actions. I don't know if any amount of transparent dialogue would have gotten that thru to my ex. I suspect i would have just spent years trying to make him feel good and completely neglecting myself.

I would have done anything. He didn't want to do anything that might be even remotely inconvenient or emotionally challenging.

I almost wish we had made an agreement when we got married to go to set of marriage counselling sessions every year - even if we didn't think we needed it. Maybe then we would have had a chance at spotting issues before they grew

When its your own Life we wear emotional blinders
and keep moving Forward only somewhere along
the way we lost our way as a couple. And we dont
know how to regain what we lost.

Much of the time the problem is emotional Intimacy.

Being vulverable and open and Honest with each
other, you each have the others back, your bond,
love, faith, respect, honor and trust are strong in all
your Interactions with each other.

I had that in the beginning or i thought i did, somewhere
and somehow It got very lost in the mess that became
my marriage. HUGS

I think that makes so much since. When you are in it, you don't really think about it until it is too big to handle. It would be good to get a yearly check up for marriage. I have friends that think a weekend away fixes all the years of hurt and pain, they don't realize they are just putting a band aid on it. I could have helped my marriage years ago but I buried my head in the sand and hoped the problems would just go away. Now I get to deal with this immense pain, I have literally been sobbing for 5 hours it is so pathetic. I just hate myself right now.

Stex grieving is a natures way of healing,

I cried for 4 months after he left and it was
Very bad before he left so it was almost a
Relief when he did. It was lonelier with him
At home. His heart was not with me.

My ex refused to work on us i was very
willing. He had made his decision really
a very long Time ago and was not a
happy camper with me.

Nothing I could have done would have
worked. And i tried And tried some more
until i almost had a breakdown. He did not
care.

We are not unique here there are many of us.

There are usually two guilty parties but only one
selfish and broken party. I heard that at divorce
Care. HUGS