Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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diemjs 09/20/2009

Its been a pretty long time since I've been on here. I do come in and check every now and then, but now Im here for support, again.

My x's father died three days ago. My x and I told our kids, (8 and 5) yesterday and then he took them with him to be with the family. (its my weekend, but considering the circumstances...)

I went to church today, as I do on every Sunday (!) and the WHOLE family was there. I got snubbed by two of his siblings, and one did hug me. Some of his nephews and a neice hugged me. My children were there, sitting with him and his gf, and the rest of the family. Oh, and I did hug his mother and told her how sorry I was for her loss and she said, I know you are. I think that was good.

I am just an emotional wreck. His father did not like me after we seperated, and I really didnt care for him, either, but, a loss is a loss.

I dont know how I feel. I just dont. Im sorry for him and his family, and for my children, but Im really feeling weird.

What is this emotion and how do I get over it?

I have a phrase I use now: Im sorry for the way I left him, but I know I did the right thing for me and my children.

Im just so confused and Im not sure any body gets that.

I cant wait until tues when this is all over. The funeral is tomorrow, and I am going to that, but thats it. I know I have to walk in there with my head high knowing I am a strong, good woman. Right?

Im an idiot, arent I? LOL

deleted_user 09/20/2009

you are not an idiot and you don't have to go to the funeral tomorrow, why to put yourself in that position? You already showed up to church, your place is not there anymore so I would send a simpathy card to the family instead, Im sure they will understand

diemjs 09/20/2009

Unfortunately, susan, I think the x wants me there.

deleted_user 09/20/2009

You're no idiot, just a person who cares. You're holding your head high, paying your respect, nothing more is needed. I'm glad his mother gave you a warm reply.

deleted_user 09/20/2009

You came back cause you need an opinion. People handle divorce/seperation all sorts of ways. but it really was just 2 people involved. some good some bad. You have moved on that is clear. Some people can accept it others don't . I think the mother in law was great and she probably meant it. If you are/were close or were ask if you can take her out to lunch in a few weeks. by all means go to the funeral with your head high. You are strong.

deleted_user 09/20/2009

If any of her family passed I would not go and would not want her or her family there.

deleted_user 09/20/2009

Hey stranger! I think your confusion is pretty normal. Your children are involved, and you have natural empathy. Get through it and than let it go.

veeachjay 09/20/2009

Hey, D, it's good to see you, but I'm sorry about what you're going through. I know a death in the family can make things really weird. After my husband and I separated last year and I told my family what he had been doing, my nephew passed away after a terrible car accident. We were all able to put things aside for the time being and my brother even shook hands with my husband after months of not talking to each other. My husband went to the funeral and sat with us, but didn't go to the other family get togethers. So I know it will be hard for you but go and hold your head up.....you haven't done anything wrong and you're just paying your respects. Big hugs to you, sweetie!

diemjs 09/20/2009

Thanks all. I knew coming here was a good idea. Im just so afraid of going into a deep depression. I feel like Im crazy!! But, at least I can write that and laugh!! And V, I remember when your nephew died. Thanks for your input.

deleted_user 09/20/2009

Hi, D. I concur with what jo said. Get through it and let it go. Be there for your children, who lost a grandparent, and any other of his family who appreciate your presences. The rest of them....you don't have to give a second thought. Hugs to you. You CAN walk in there knowing who you are and knowing you are doing the right thing.

deleted_user 09/20/2009

you do not have to go to the funeral. you dont have to just because your ex wants you there. Only go if it is something you feel you need to do. When my STBX's grandmother died I wanted to go to the funeral because she was one of the FEW people in his family that was ever nice to me. however I knew that there wold be family members at the funeral that would have been mean to me if I were to go. I got my kids dresses up nice and sent them with thier dad. I didnt go. Grandma knows my feelings for her and that is all that matters. you say he and you didnt even like each other. so why would you be going? you can support your children in a lot of ways and still not go. Do not feel guilty for not going. You can talk to your children about thier loss, support them and love them through this. But it is not wrong of you to not go. He is your X and has a girlfriend. you are not obligated to him.

deleted_user 09/20/2009

well hello long lost friend, good to hear from you. sorry about the loss. go to the funeral. be there for your children. my ex didn't bother coming to either my mom or dads, my adult children were pissed and hurt that he didn't bother to see if they needed him. the rest of his family came. when it comes time for his mother or father, i will be there to support my children, adult or not, i will make sure they are ok. my daughter was so close to my parents, and she is so close to her grandmother. i could care less about him or any of the ones that don't care for me. i'm a very respectful woman who was raised to be that way. xoxoxoxoxox

deleted_user 09/21/2009

I don't know what kind of power he has over you to tell you he wants you there. He will be there with some body else and you don't have to witness it. Take care of your children afterwards but don't put yourself in that position.

Just my opinion!!

deleted_user 09/21/2009

I think you could be there for the children.

deleted_user 09/21/2009

Hey baby!!! You can do this - you are a good woman to be there for your ex, his mom, and YOUR children. Go in with a good, true, heart . Sandy

diemjs 09/21/2009

susan, unfortunately, he has a lot of control over me, STILL! Its the guilt I feel for leaving him in the first place. I hate it and I know its all my fault for letting the guilt and him still control me, but that is just who I am. It sucks and I dont know what to do about it.

Thats why Im here. I have a lot of issues I need to work out with me, I know. I just hope Im not the only f**ked up one here! Im hoping someone will tell me Im ok and I did the right thing. I think, and I hope this wont happen, but I think I will want that for the rest of my life. I know, I need SERIOUS help!

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