Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
it will be 2 years next month since she cheated and we split, but she still continues to do things to tick me off when she has our kids,
i have 2 girls 14 and 11 they sleep at my house mostly my ex only has them for 3 hours a day after school and one day on the weekend due to her work schedule,
my daughter has bipolar disorder well we think they wont officially dx her with it til after she gets further in her teen years, now they are just classifying it as mood disorder, anyhow her and i are about 6 months episode free, she has all her episodes at her mothers and grandmothers, we have some issues but nothing fall out drag out crazy,
for the past month, the one day she is at her moms i get a phone call to come get her she is acting out, and i get the blame, i dont talk about my ex at all in front of the kids, my ex uses them as a middle person when she wnot get on the phone to tell me whats going on , i dont ,
anyhow my question will ex's ever quit laying false blame to everyone and realize its them, di admit my faults my ex blames everyone else but herself or better yet do they ever wake up and realize that as parents you have to work together to help your kids
i have 2 girls 14 and 11 they sleep at my house mostly my ex only has them for 3 hours a day after school and one day on the weekend due to her work schedule,
my daughter has bipolar disorder well we think they wont officially dx her with it til after she gets further in her teen years, now they are just classifying it as mood disorder, anyhow her and i are about 6 months episode free, she has all her episodes at her mothers and grandmothers, we have some issues but nothing fall out drag out crazy,
for the past month, the one day she is at her moms i get a phone call to come get her she is acting out, and i get the blame, i dont talk about my ex at all in front of the kids, my ex uses them as a middle person when she wnot get on the phone to tell me whats going on , i dont ,
anyhow my question will ex's ever quit laying false blame to everyone and realize its them, di admit my faults my ex blames everyone else but herself or better yet do they ever wake up and realize that as parents you have to work together to help your kids
I have dealt with a similar thing with my son who has mild autism (he is 11 years old). Only he tends to have more tantrums at my place. And I guess is not uncommon for one parent to experience this and the other not (for a variety reasons, doesnt mean either parent is a bad parent). But I will try and write more about that later.
Background, me and ex-h have three kids (7, 10, and 11 years old), two special needs kids. 11 year old (oldest) son has mild autism (dxs 2 years ago). 7 year old daughter has lagged behind since 10 months old (first PT, then speech, now cognitive, possible emotional issues). Yeah
First, keep your kids on a schedule/ routine and stick to that. Avoid changing that, unless absolutely necessary (physical illness). Avoid shuttling your kid(s) around (when things get uncomfortable, for whatever reason). Id recommend ignoring ex-ws request to take you daughter when things get hard, unless you daughter is threatening to harm herself. If the current schedule is not working, then change that, but don't do unless you're prepared to do it permantly.
Second, minimize chaos. In my own divorce, there were two main parts to this. First minimize the fights with your ex. Keep correspondence with ex, only to kids (not personal stuff). Dont complain/ grumble under your breath about the ex (your kids will see/ feel this). Second, keep your kids out of your dating/ love life. By far, the most chaotic time in my kids life post-divorce (or pre-divorce for that matter), was that 1 year period, between ex-h remarrying, and divorcing again.
Third, when your kid(s) is stressed, having an episode, about to lose it), dont stifle it, or punish them for expressing their feelings (my ex-h threatens to take stuff away, when son has a tantrum, Give them a safe outlet, to let it all out, safely.
I say all this because, even at the worst, I didn't shoot him down, or call him names. I've never been one for "middle men". If I have an issue or concern, I will address it with YOU, not go through a channel of people, esp kids, to chat.
To me, it's less about blame, and more about just doing right. Your ex may never admit she's wrong, and ok. The good news is, YOU are the primary parent, so YOUR influence is greater than hers. Your kids see you and your actions.
Kids are way smarter than people realize. They recognize BS when they see it and, as your kids get older, if mama is bringing the crazy, they will know it.
They will also know YOU were their rock. That will take you very far.
Sending you lots of strength...