Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
It seems like there are conflicting ideas as to how to move forward, and I am just wondering what you all think. All resources say to "let go and move forward", and also 'deal with the pain, don't ignore it." Everytime a thought of my ex and the good times come into my head, I won't let myself envision it - I try to block it out because it sends me back to square one - crying, sad, etc. Funny, all the crappy things don't seem to be so prevalent in my thinking... I guess the mind just naturally tries to block those events out. So.... my question is: do you try to remember all the good times, REALLY remember each one separately and feel the sadness, or try to block thinking about your ex at all so you CAN move forward? Or while trying to keep "him" out of my head, am I setting myself up for more heartbreak later on? (Separated for 9 months before divorce last May).... so you would think I shouldn't even have to ask this question!! Thanks...
Currently I seem to be stuck obsessing and like you said the good stuff is what I think about. I have to consciously remind myself of how things really are between us- he uses me- he has serious issues- will never be able to give me what I want/need. So why am I still caring about him? I dunno! I just know that it hurts to be treated this way by someone I loved and did everything for.
"Two people can have a lot of love for each other, but not be able to stay together, and thats okay... No relationship in this life is ever guaranteed to last. It can end anytime because of death, divorce, moving, a change in feelings, changes in life circumstance and other factors.
The grief process very personal; you get to go through it YOUR own way. So don't let anyone else determine how you should feel and when. And don't be so hard on yourself.
Reprieves in despair are ok. These breaks are part of the grief process, not a sign of denial.
Youre going through this with a lot heart. Just take care of the basics right now and completely surrender, be authentic & feel your feelings AS THEY ARISE.
The clouds will go away.
Youll start having sweet visions about your future.
But dont worry about that right now.
Re: feelings of failure, that's very very normal in the case of divorce & it's part of the grief process. Don't avoid the feeling, but BE a failure! Don't dwell on it, yet embrace it. It will not last forever."