let friends help

i faked it til i made it but some ppl i let in to help

your gut will tell you which ones to let in on the dirty lil details

msde, I have been faking it for a while. The way I am on here with telling everyone when I am hurting is so totally oppostite with the way I am in person. I haven't even let my sister in on how bad I have been hurting, it is just really hard for me to do for some reason.

Sometimes I have to fake it, to make it. But when it gets too much, I have to let it out. I need my good friends who understand...

I had the same problem with keeping up the appearances. Now that people know about the situation all I ever get is:

When are you getting back together, the separation cant last forever?

You guy guys are perfect for each other- we do balance each other out pretty perfectly

He couldnt have messed up that bad

and a host of other comments. So you definitely have to take the good with the bad on that. I say if you are losing your mind trying to smile so hard your cheeks burn off by all means- LET IT GO!

Go find and build your support system of family and friends. We are here for you until you are able to do that, and even after.

Some of this is sort of fresh for me, but the way I've been doing it is sort of the way msde suggested: I told my family (and most of my friends) that she and I were splitting up, but only a select few know the real scoop (i.e.--she cheated on me on multiple occasions). That approach has gotten me some pretty good support from my family.

Actually, the folks on DS know more than I've told most of my family and friends.

In my situation I haven't actually come across anyone who would suggest that I go back to him, it is usually they are making sure that I will not. My family and friends know what my ex did and that he is in jail they just don't know the extent of how badly I am hurting because of it. That is what I struggle with, how do you tell your friends that you are hurting and that you need them? I seem to be able to do it on here but not in person.

We had a lot of mutual friends from high school, their completely shocked.

Aggie Girl...you need to let people know. Until you let it out and be somewhat open about it, you probably aren't going to really begin to heal. You have nothing to be ashamed of and OF COURSE your hurting. You and your family were betrayed in a horrible way. Let your friends help you and be there for you. You might be surprised how helpful it is. You have school to finish, you need support so that you can let it go, and finish your degree.

Let your friends help, Darlin'.

I fake it to most people but not everyone because I still need someone in person that I can cry on their shoulder. The person I most want to talk to about it is my best friend who is also the person who left me, my husband...that makes it hard...but I say let someone in...

I think its a balance of somewhere in between. I fake mostly to everyone with the exception of 1 person...my best friend Sue. She is really the only one that "gets it" and gets me..she completely understands it all...not only because she was at one time friends with my stbx (I actually met her through him). She has been through so much with me. I CANT fake anything with her...she has been my rock.

Family...yep..I fake it....even my sisters
Other friends...yep..i fake it some more.

Aggie...do you have at least 1 person you can be vulnerable with? I think its healthy to vent..you need to get it out.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Let them in, if they are true friends they will help you deal with it. You are the only one who knows when the time is to tell people, but the sooner you let them in on how much pain your going through, the better you will feel. HUGS

I have been open with one friend, only bad thing is that he lives in Canada so we don't get to talk as often. Even at that though I worry that he will get tired of hearing it even though he has assured me that won't happen.

I so want to be able to talk to some of my other friends, especially my best friend but I worry that they just won't "get it".

I did the same as you for a while aggie, all the people i worked with and the new people i meet knew i was getting divorce before my close friends. I would meet them for lunch and such and never say anything. But when i did start telling them, i found alot of understanding, not only from them, but also from their wives. I found out that alot of them had be or were going through the same things that me and my wife had. They have been very supportive since i let them know. so give them a chance, you might be suprised how much better you feel and how much its helps

I know that sometimes it seems like they don't want to hear it, but when they get sick of it, they will let you know. It is a very traumatic time in your life and they will understand that. They will be there for you even when you think they are sick of hearing it!

Well this may seem like a dumb question but how do you admit to someone that you are hurting? I am horrible at it.