I feel bad for your situation. Maybe you should tell him your not going to keep reminding him to have a relationship with his children and don't. that's on him. if he keeps telling kids hes gonna get them then dosnt or he will be there and isn't. it really affects children with their own self esteem. maybe you should establish visitation if he dosnt want to stick with it then go for full custody no visitation. think of whats best for children. tell him straighten his act up with kids or lose them.

I've tried to set up times for drop off and pick up. But he would get mad and just not get them. Or he would call and text me multiple times until I would come get the kids. Another part to my situation is he is not allowed to come out to my house. I have a house on my family's property. After my dad found out what happened in the relationship he placed a rule where he is not allowed to come on the property. Sometimes I believe that whatever time the kids get with their dad is better then none so I keep bending. I've told him once the kids canext legal decide they don't want to see him I won't make them. I just wish he would step up and be a better dad.

If your daughter cries at the thought of visiting him, then I wonder why. Either she doesn't like him, or he's abusing her in some way.

Stop worrying about him and think about your children.

Also know that you can't force someone to be a parent. My step-son went through the same thing, when he married a single mother and they had a baby. She left a note one day saying that she wasn't done partying and experiencing life.

She abandoned him and the kids, and never came back.

The best he could do in that situation is the best you can do. Get child support. If he doesn't pay, then report him and he can think about it while he sits in jail.

Maybe he's got some mental health issues of his own, but you can't fix him. He needs to either straighten up, or face some kind of consequences.

Stop forcing the kids to visit him.

Not every man who can knock up a woman has the capacity to be a dad, and not every woman who can get knocked up has the capacity to be a mom. It can't be forced, and it can't be mandated.

See the situation for what it is, and do what is best for your kids. Best of luck.

I understand your frustrations. Please remember, you cannot control someone else behavior. Although it is disappointing, you cannot force him to spend time with his children when he doesn’t want to. The only thing you can do it encourage him to uphold his end of the bargain. However, continue to encourage and pour love into your children. Being a single parent is difficult for you as well as your children. You are a great mom and doing an awesome job. Keep it up!
I wish you all the best.

I can really relate to your experience. My ex has mental health issues and that is often his reason/excuse for not stepping up and being a parent. It simultaneously saddens and infuriates me, and it's really easy for me to spiral down in a self-pity/resentment cycle. Raising kids is hard. Do all that you can to put your self-care first so that you can be there for your children--lean on others if you can. Breathe, and try to take it one day at a time. Sending hope and love your way.

One thing I did was make sure my ex wife was signed up on the school notification list for email and text messages. Our schools are pretty good about emailing both of us with weekly announcements for things like parent/teacher conferences, etc. That way, you don't have to have the job of being the reminder for your ex. if you make an appointment (perhaps teacher conferences are scheduled) send him one message only. leave it at that.

The other thing you may need to do is get a formal parenting plan filed with the court. It should spell out how much the children should spend with each parent, what days. what the pickup/dropoff times are, which holidays, etc. In Oregon, child support is calculated based in part on how much time the children spend at each household. Mine is pretty simple, two weeks with me, two weeks with my ex. (50%/50%) pickup time is at 5:30 pm Friday or whenever school gets out. Now that my son is older, he just rides his bike over to her house after school.

One thing I wish I had done, was spell out all the major holidays and put them on an every-other year rotation. Because of the 2 weeks on/off schedule, almost all the major holidays fall on the same parents time(mine), and we have to negotiate who gets our son for each, every year. That makes it hard to plan ahead when my ex waffles back and forth on it.

Anyway, getting it all written down and filed with the court formally means that if he keeps backing out, and you get tired of it and want to take action, you have some amount of recourse. You will also be able to say that it's out of your hands; he agreed to a visitation plan and the court expects him to follow through on it. You will have to document it when it happens, and keep a running list when he fails to pick them up. Unfortunately, about the only solution the court may offer is to say you don't have to take the kids over to him anymore. I have not had this problem fortunately, however I know a friend of mine did, and she kept a running log of every pickup and dropoff, and ended up having to take her ex to court over it, (he ended up owing her more child support because they were at her house 100% of the time).

Whatever you do, just don't tell the kids about a proposed visit until you're absolutely sure of it, but I bet you're probably already being careful about that. My situation is different and my kids are older and we're not divorced yet, but they see their dad for who he is, a guy who doesn't usually follow through on his word. They love him anyway. Do you have a custody or parenting plan? Are you receiving child support?

As far as constantly reminding him of stuff, just let that go. Tell him once. My stbx needed to be reminded of everything, multiple times, and he'd still "foget". I couldn't imagine how he could forget everything. I finally came to the realization that he "forgot" things on purpose, because he didn't want to do them. It wasn't my job to show stbx how to be responsible, it was my job to show my CHILDREN how to be responsible. You kids' dad will miss out on their lives, and they on his, but you can't let yourself be put in the middle of trying to remedy this. Sounds like they are not a priority in his life, you kinda have to accept that. You can't make him care more. Build them up, and figure out a way to let them know the truth, that it's not their fault that their dad isn't around so much. This is hard, but you'll figure it out.