@11. That's a great way to look at it.

I'm in a "similar but different" situation. I left becuase he is abusive and nasty but he is the one pushing to stay friends. He wants to come over and hang out, with the excuse of spending time with me and our daughter together. He says our daughter "needs to see us together". I think thats BS, I think HE needs to see us together. He claims that he understands that he and I are never going to be "together like that" anymore and that he is "okay with that as long as we remain friends."

I'm having difficulty with this. I don't mind having him around for short periods of time, but I really don't think it does him any good. He doesn't seem to be accepting that it is over with, despite what he says.

I want to remain amicable with him since he have a child together, but I don't want my weekends to continue to revolve around him calling me asking to come over to take us to the park or to dinner or to go shopping or......

I am in the same position as you and so many others who have offered comments. Apparently this is not unusual at all. My soon to be ex-wife wants us to be friends, she considers me a very good friend, and she is not ready to close the door on us having a future together. She seems to want me to be within sight so she can keep track of me. The day after she sent me divorce papers--I was at my parents house which is a 4 and 1/2 drive from her/our home--she sent me an email about a job that I qualified for at a college where I already had a job, but this one was much better. She told me that she knows how much I love the area, which is very true, and she cares about me so she thought she'd let me know about the job. I was as confused as could be. I was still in shock and now seriously confused. Why in the world would she want me around in a small town where she would most certainly see me all the time? She told me that she would have no problem with that. Is that a mixed message or what? I have had so many of those and continue to get them. It makes it so hard to decide to break off from someone who does this. So, I hear you loud and clear. This whole divorce idea is very sudden, I didn't see it coming at all. Now I am suddenly out of 2 jobs that I liked a lot, friends I had made. The community that I had become a part of finally, it took time and I was there for a year and a half, is no longer my home. I didn't even say goodbye to anyone. I was very active in keeping up the yard and the house. We had been remodeling the house to make it more 'ours'. Now she continues on with the changes by herself. We had put our honeymoon money into the house and lots of money from both of our incomes. She said I am being petty when I said how much I had invested, time and money, into our home and that it hurts so much to have to leave it all behind. That seems so mean. I put everything I had into our relationship and building a life in a new community. Now I am told to leave and that's all there is to it. I am sorry I'm going on endlessly about my own story. It began as a response to your story! I just know the feeling of needing to break off from an ex so that you can begin to accept what has happened and to rebuild your life, and how difficult and confusing it is when s/he wants to be 'friends'. I also understand how frustrating and confusing it is to be the one who has done seemingly everything to work things out and hold onto the relationship. My marriage meant everything to me. I made a commitment to a person to always love and support her and I would never ever have walked away from her/us. I think we are both being jerked around so that our ex's can have us when they want us and to the extent that suits them at any given time. Makes you feel rather unimportant doesn't it? You value and would do anything for them, but they can take you or leave you depending on their mood, it seems to me. I want to remain friends with her, but I don't know how to do it in a way that allows me to really move on. Very difficult place to be in. Best advice--make friends as you do the things you enjoy doing.