Go to no contact to save yourself. He's just making it easy for himself. I went through this for over a year and I was just miserable. He wanted to remain friends, and I did a LOT for him during this time period. What I realized is he was able to keep the benefits of being with me without being with me by keeping me as a "friend". Save yourself!

Your ex said:

"He said he still "doesn't have those feelings" for me, but maybe in time a couple years maybe? He can't promise but in the meantime he'd still like to see me for conversation, movies, etc... I said I don't think I can do this, we need to cut off communication for a while. I can't believe it. He said NO. He said he can't go without talking to me and I'm just going to have to live with it (with a smile)."

I'm sorry shantellew but your ex sounds extremely insensitive. He doesn't have romantic feelings for you but he still wants you to hang out with him and you just have to buck up even if you are feeling depressed and miserable. GAWD! Where did this guy come from? Does he really believe you will be his doormat as long as needed and then maybe he will have feelings for you again. Ditch this guy and cut off all communications. He doesn't deserve you. You sound like a great person and deserve so much more.

Good luck and hang in there.

You said it EXACTLY. Its like losing a husband AND a best friend at the same time. Almost unbearable.

The best thing you can do is Not take as long as I did to listen to all on here that say No Contact. I just couldn't go without some kind of contact with my H. We had 3 or 4 convos in the past 8 months. But there was a lot of texting.
The longer you do no contact, the better you see things. I would be in pain for weeks after texting with H. Far worse if I talked to him.
It sounds like he is thinking of 'him' not you. Go no contact.Look, I am living with Son. I am 50. I know just my Son and Niece here. I can't hang wtih them and thier friends. I have no job, and no money. So I know how you feel there.
But you Can do this. you get out there and join meetup or something. Some of the groups are pricey, but some aren't. I joined the knit/crochet meetup...it's only $3
Quit hanging out wtih him. Take care of you. Listen to the people on this site. don't take as long as I did to listen. It will just prolong your paint to keep talking to him.

Nope... this is not healthy... Go with No contact.

it surely may seem insensitive that he, and those like him, are trying to force a friendship. That it seems they feel so good that they can't see how much you are hurting. I think there are people that just can't empathize with what someone else is feeling, simply cus they are not feeling that way. So they gauge a situation or anothers feelings based on what they are experiencing. They just can't reach out and touch the other person. Maybe, they just don't care to.

Either way, it ain't about bein a doormat. I think its hard when not only is your someone your partner, but they have been so intertwined as your friend in life, that it's hard to just not have them around anymore. While its hard, it sounds like it is something you are going to have to do to heal. You said you can't just be his friend that it hurts to be around him. And waiting and hoping that one day, who knows when, he may fancy you. But are you willing to waste all those days only to find out he never will?

Some times, the only thing to do is cut and walk away in order to protect, heal and save yourself from more pain.

many blessings your way.

No contact is the only way you are going to be able to heal from this. You need to make new friends. Try this website www.meetup.com It's a place to join groups and meet new people. It's not a dating site, it's just a social site. Some groups have meets where you go horseback riding, movies, dinner etc. Just a bunch of people getting together for something fun. Great way to get out of the house and widen your circle of friends. Force yourself to do it.

a friend who sincerely loves you
would not want to keep you around
at the expense of your mental health

Sorry you're going through this. But I would say: No. Absolutely no friend for at least one or 2 years if you really want to move on.

He's so selfish to keep you around just to talk and not to be alone. What if he finds another woman? He'll talk to her, take her to movie and totally forget about you. So selfish!!!

I agree with others here: No contact. Run for your life.

Thank you all! I am finally going to take the advice. I changed his ringtone so I will recognize it and not even look at it. I can do this!

I don't understand people that even attempt this, because if I could even stand to be within a mile of my ex, I would have stayed and tried to make it work. I didn't give up until there was NO hope, and he had done so much in the end I would never let him near me again.

Thats what I keep thinking.. if you still like me enough to want to hang out and call me "babe" and enjoy spending time with me, why can't we work it out? Because he says he needs alone time and wants to find himself. whatever. I just think he doesn't want to feel any more responsibility for anything or anyone except himself.

You're very patient, or understanding. I'd walk away. Maybe I'm just too narrow minded to be someones hang out buddy after we've been in an intimate relationship. But ...it would be OVER.

Mine keeps crying and telling me I'm his best friend... but *he* was the one who changed, and cheated, and decided there was no hope for our marriage. I was willing to fight tooth and nail to keep it, but he was adamantly opposed.
He wants to stay friends. I am NCing as much as possible now, but we need to communicate to get through our mediation for divorce. After it's done, it'll be NC again (though with joint friends I'll be forced to be around him occasionally, but he's not getting any more of my time or compassion).
Bottom line: he wants his cake and to eat it, but he sure as h*ll isn't going to get it.

What mine and yours are doing is manipulation, pure and simple. Don't let him do it!

Hugs to you! ((((shantelle))))

Your best bet is to cut off all contact. Difficult decision and a double edge sword. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. You need to think about you now. He is being selfish and controlling. Turn the tables, cut off communication and let him live with it with a smile.