Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi there follks. Now I just thought I'd put this to you. Now after my mums first divorce, we felt a whole lot better. He was an abusive git, but never-the-less we still got to see him after she divorced him. Admittedly this didn't last long, he never wanted us in the first place, well he didn't want me anyway(wanted me mum to have an abortion when she was pregnant with me) but anyway, that stopped, my sister got her sixth birthday card through back in 1994, on the back of it it said that he was never going to come and see us again, and that we wouldn't see him again, said he couldn't afford the train tickets, I still today think thats a load of rubbish but nevermind that.
Anyway, my mum got married again. He seemed pretty decent, he spent so much time playing with us, he even put in a lot of effort to try and get me to trust him, and after the first of my mums marriages, being abused by your father, well that puts a kabosh on the whole trust issue, but anyway. He put a lot of time and effort into me trusting him. Then years later, he and my mum divorced (she was pretty much a computer widow) some he'd met over the internet. But considering, he was the only one of the two of them that made any effort to play with us, to interact with us whilst they were still married, but he didn't seem to want anything to do with us, he hasn't been to us, I mean, whats going off, he seemed a decent chap. What happened?
Any ideas? After all these years its finally just struck me, you know, its been about 5/6 years, but by gosh its hit me now.
Thank you for listening
Riddles
Anyway, my mum got married again. He seemed pretty decent, he spent so much time playing with us, he even put in a lot of effort to try and get me to trust him, and after the first of my mums marriages, being abused by your father, well that puts a kabosh on the whole trust issue, but anyway. He put a lot of time and effort into me trusting him. Then years later, he and my mum divorced (she was pretty much a computer widow) some he'd met over the internet. But considering, he was the only one of the two of them that made any effort to play with us, to interact with us whilst they were still married, but he didn't seem to want anything to do with us, he hasn't been to us, I mean, whats going off, he seemed a decent chap. What happened?
Any ideas? After all these years its finally just struck me, you know, its been about 5/6 years, but by gosh its hit me now.
Thank you for listening
Riddles
From the little information you've given, I'd say you had bad role models as parents. At the very least, your mum may not be able to choose the right man. Try to avoid those patterns for yourself.
You're only going to get the real answers you want from your former step dad. Don't make him feel defensive. As you said, he sounds like a decent chap so he should tell you something you can hold onto.
Speculating on the reasons isn't going to give you any comfort. This is a great question for you to pursue. You don't want to follow in their footsteps and do the same thing to the children in your life.
It is very common these days with so many dating sites and chat rooms. I don't think that anyone realizes how common it is - and how hurtful. I think it is an addiction, but many doctors debate that fact.
Just remember it has nothing to do with you personally. We all have our problems to deal with, unfortuneatly sometime innocent bystanders are the ones who get hurt.