Good question when does the fun begin? I am
At 14 months divorced and still havent found it
yet after Being married for 30 years. I have peace,
i Am okay and i am safe, those three things i am
sure Of. The rest is a jumble even with lots of
Support groups and a good therapist.

The grieving Ends when its ready and hopefully
so will my Depression.

The rule of thumb is you should be normalized
At the three year divorce mark. Meaning having
your own Life enjoying your singlehood. The ex is in
the past And does not leave such a gapping empty
hole. You Have found the new you (new normal ) and
you are embracing your own life.

Are we forever changed and different, yes i know i am
Not the same person anymore. Unsure who i am and
What i want out of life. The best thing i can say do
Support groups and have a good therapist many do
During and after the divorce, transitions are difficult
And painful. I moved out of town after the decree and
Went no contact Still trying to heal. HUGS

I am a firm believer that all things happen for a reason. There's no easy way to navigate through a divorce; a messy divorce, at that. The worst thing you can now is to not allow yourself time to grieve. Only time can heal the wounds left by this. God would not have let this happen if He didn't have something else better for you.

I am feeling the same way today... Signed papers last week (23 yrs together, 18 married, 3 children). I thought after the legal stuff was over, I would feel relieved and ready...it's the opposite. I feel like I am grieving and can't breathe. I lost both of my parents within the last 7 years and it was horrible. They were young (50's) and I was so close to both of them. I grieved hard and long...and this is worse. I can honestly say that. And the H brought to my attention that he thinks I have replaced the grief of losing both parents with the grief of his affair.....ya think?! Talk about salt in the wound...I don't want to live bitter and grieving...I want to be alive again. Here's to hope for us all..

I'm recently divorced so I know about the extreme pain. My first wife died from cancer so there was a long process of dealing with grief. this has been worse due to a huge load of SHAME and REJECTION. My first marriage ended well in terms of good memories together. The recent divorce dumped a load of rejection, which triggered childhood rejection and thus hit me much harder. I have needed therapy and medication and HOPE to do better. I think of it as having emotional heart surgery. Does the pain end after the surgery? No. The real pain of therapy starts and takes a while to recover. You just had surgery with no anaesthetic. Expect to have pain but learn to get better at dealing with it. definitely go to a divorceCare group. If you feel stuck, go to a therapist also.

I am glad to come here and read what other's have to say. I also moved out of state and I am not sure that was a good thing, but, here I am. I am sad, fearful, and plain lost!! I don't leave my house much, only when needed. I cry too, easy!!! I don't like that about myself!! "the grieving ends when it's ready...and the depression." It is good in a weird way that many are going through the same thing, maybe for different reasons. I will take 5 minutes at a time for now. Thank You for your replies and I pray for all who are hurting!! :,(

I hear you loud and clear, i only moved 13 miles away
And still doing the same work. I Still see many people
From where i lived before. Basically i left the life i knew
For 30 years. I did not want to pass my ex or his family
All the time.

I think divorce care.org will help you i just went
Yesterday i needed it. Its 13 weeks long and it
Really does give you great insights and be with
others going Thru the same thing. Most were
there for infidelity, Its a little religious based that
was fine by me Actually they helped me more
Spiritually than my alanon group did. My therapist
Helps too. I will beat any bush to move thru this
Pain, hurt, rejection and betrayal.

I find i can still nest and cocoon and isolate, i am
Fearful of trusting and getting myself out there. I
Am not anywhere ready for dating i need to heal
first and foremost. HUGS

Welcome to a community where people have experienced loss whether through the process of divorce or separation. Feeling better comes from the realization that you are no longer a part of the person whom you were married to. Focusing on what you need to redefine your life without your partner comes when you are on your way to heal. Feel the feelings inherent in the divorce process in order to move onto the next step. Everyone is unique in the time frame it takes to heal.