My situation is the exact opposite. I will be staying in our home with my children. I say that it will be good for the kids to be in a familiar place but I just feel like I want to get out of there. I can't afford a down payment on a new place so I will be staying. I think being able to get away from the memories would be. A good thing. Create a new place that is just your own. Make new memories. Ones that replace the bad. I actually envy you for being able to leave.

I too left but, I had to leave to live. The situation was so volatile that had I stayed, she probably would have killed me or had me killed.

I moved about 20 miles away then, later my employer transferred me to the Southern part of the state and that helped. We had children so, I tried to make the visitation work but, she would throw a wrench during my times of visitation and that caused more issues as well.

Things will get better as time goes along. Life must go on and we as humans, adapt to those things that we value most. MY thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there.

Sidecar.

I remember you sharing this before.

Jstcyn

Life is tough at times. How well I know too. There is always fear and anxiety when a person has to uproot and go somewhere new. Our social life changes, friends, our surroundings, and there will be new friends made and friends of the past will sometimes depart but, life does go on. Keep focused on the future and set goals for yourself. I wish you success and happiness.

I moved out. I didn't have to I suppose but I didn't want to have to buy him out either. Plus I didn't want the memories. I left and after a month or so of getting stuff I left behind, I never went back. It was easier to start over somewhere where there weren't any memories. I also didn't want to stay and fight over every little thing. It wouldn't be worth the hassle-I just wanted to 'leave a cheater and gain a life'

We bought that house in 1999 before real estate skyrocketed and even though there has been a crash of sorts, it's never gotten back to a place where I could afford a place like that again. I'm saving like crazy, don't have any credit card debt, I've paid off my car a year and half early and now I'm working on my timeshare. I'm hoping to be able to afford a condo someday but it will take a while.

It was hard to leave but I promise it gets easier as time goes on. Sending support your way.

lemaym1.wordpress.com/

I didn't have to leave...but I wanted to! I couldn't wait to get out and make new memories in a new place. Don't get me wrong, it was hard to leave the dream home we had built together. Up until the day he left me he had a photo of us in front of the house the day we closed as his computer screensaver. It was one of the happiest days of our life and then less than 3 years later he no longer loved me, no longer wanted a life with me.
I know it is hard but try to think positively about the move, how it will be a good thing for you and your son. I spent lots of time on Pinterest designing my perfect girly bedroom. It kept me from thinking about the past. Maybe you could find some fun things that you and your son could do together for his new room?
Two wise things that people told me while looking for a new home (actually wound up building my dream home) was to not over spend (don't become house poor) and to buy the smallest house in the nicest neighborhood.
One of my best friends sent me the following story shortly after I moved out of marital house. Wish she had sent it before I moved and he moved back in :) Not that I would ever want the house back!

http://divorcerecovery101.com/curtain-rod.htm

I left the house so my son would have familiarity - house, friends, school, etc. I found an apartment in another part of town that is on his bus route, so when I have visitation the bus can pick him up in the morning. I was sure it would be awful being alone in a strange new apartment, but that was not the case. My son helped me pick it out, and he really likes it here. I've grown comfortable here as well. You will do just fine. Make it your own place. If I didn't have my son, I would actually be on my way to another state for a fresh start and to be away from the pain.

I'm so sorry for your pain and sadness.

I left and it was the best thing for me. I didn't have to deal with the upkeep of a big house and yard. I also didn't have to be in the familiar surroundings of my once-dream house that turned into a nightmare. I will admit that I do miss my luxurious spa-like bathroom and the water front yard and wildlife (animals, not the ex, lol).

You've gotten lots of good advice about creating a new place that is just your own. It's really hard to stay in the present when you literally live in an environment that exists the past. It makes it much hard to move thru the grief process and move on. It just extends the pain.

It is hard to leave our comfort zone. And it does feel like salt being rubbed into the would. Most of us are creatures of habit and would prefer to stay in our comfort zones, even when it means we aren't happy. But, if we don't experience newness, we don't grow. And, we can't heal.

Focus on the positives. You get to recreate your life. By living in a new fresh place, you will be able to heal faster. What I have learned is that you just never know what's right around the next corner. If we stay in the past, we aren't open to all that the future has to offer.

Had I not chosen to leave the marriage, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet new people and experience all the wonderful things that have since come my way. I wouldn't have had the opportunity to grow and heal.

I know that this probably isn't offering much comfort at the moment, but it will get better and one day, sooner than you think, you will wake up one morning and realize you're smiling and looking forward to the day, AND didn't think about him one time the day before.

~healing hugs~

I really appreciate everyone's replies. I am not good with change that is for sure....I have had this on my review at work. I need to accept change, change isn't always bad....hmmm...none of this feels good...Time, time, time is on my side, yes it is...or is it?

Take care all

I left my home after a year

i let my stbx move back in

I moved in with my girlfriend.....that did not work out

My stbx is buying me out...I could not afford to buy her out

It hurts so much to see her renovating and being with a new man in my house

BUT...I still believe it was a good move

I now have my own apartment and a wonderful woman in my life

Yes, time will help. But only if you take some action, one small step at a time.

Wayne Dyer has been quoted as saying if you don't like what you see, change how you see it. He goes on to explain some of the same things I suggested like focusing on the positive.

Here's a suggestion you can try if you want. Write out a pros and cons list about leaving the marital home. Try to do it as if you were doing it for someone else, as objectively as possible. No pro and no con are too bizarre to include. Let your imagination run wild. (This is a form of individual brainstorming.)

Then write a list of your fears about moving. Then take each fear and 'awfulize' it. i.e. what's the worst thing that can happen if you do the thing you're afraid of? For example, if I leave (the marital home), I'm afraid I won't find or like a new place. ok, what's the worst thing that can happen if I can't find a house? I'll have to stay in a hotel. What's the worst thing that will happen if I have to stay in a hotel? I'll run out of money. What's the worst thing that will happen if I run out of money? I'll end up alone on the street.

Then look at it realistically and ask your inner knowing if that's likely to happen. If the answer is still yes, then you can take proactive steps by checking out local resources to find out what is available to you. You can also call family and friends for help & support, etc.

The idea is to see on paper what your true deepest fear is. (in my example, it would be the fear of being alone.) And also how those fears get built up into paralyzing thoughts that keep us from taking action.

I've learned that what we worry/fear about rarely happens. And the anticipation is way worse than the actual event.

When I "left" I rented a house for a whole month before I actually spent my first nite there! And then, when I did move in, I couldn't make myself sleep in the bedroom that first nite. So I slept on the couch. After that, I was able to sleep in the bedroom.

It helps to remind yourself that this a process. Change is a process. Getting used to being alone is a process, as is grief. And this process isn't linear. Not by a long shot. At best its forward and back, side to side, zig zag and going in circles. But, as you take each step, even if you feel like you're sliding backwards, know that you never slide all the way back.

Fear keeps us from seeing all the good possibilities that are out there. Fear, when it comes from our inner knowing/instinct/intuition isn't a bad. It's warning us about something. But fear, when it comes from the head/ego is harmful because it keeps us from moving. AND, it keeps us hearing that tiny little voice that is our inner knowing.

Courage to make a move doesn't mean you're not afraid. Courage is being afraid and doing it anyway. :-) Even if its done in increments and even if those increments are tiny little baby steps.

Sometimes you just have to hold your nose and jump. When you do, you will soon see that your fears were greatly exaggerated.