I suspect you expected her to give back what you gave to her. You filled her voids (no, nothing dirty intended with that statement) and expected the same in return.

Yay tacos.

It sounds like you answered your own questions.

I read a book which explained about people being a "ring". the ideal relationship should be two "whole rings" (people) who link together. both flowing freely on their own but linked.. connected.

in an unhealthy relationship, two "half rings" find one another and create one whole ring. at first this is great.. the two half rings (people) feel complete and the energy can flow full circle. but after a while, that flow gets draining.. like a vacuum... when you need the other person to "complete or fulfill you" you can never keep that up long term.

if that makes any sense. i wish you the best in finding your own inner strength, slaying those demons, and to find the ability to give (to your wife or whoever) for the sake of giving.. bc you love htem and want them to be happy.. and not to get something else. no more stand offs...

hugs to you rman. welcome back.

it's never someone else's "job" to make you happy. You are absolutely right, you've got to find that in yourself. Unfortunately that won;t make a broken heart hurt much less. At least you figured it out, it sounds like maybe she didn't? You should care about a failed relationship. Learn what you can and build yourself up so you can apply it to the next one. Don't expect some perfect person to come along and take your problems away, just expect them to love you anyway, and vice versa.

I agree. tacos rule.

"no more stand offs... "

absolutely concur

Welcome back Rman. Yes, the ideal relationship is interdependence. Unfortunately, I depended on my ex to make me happy. Bad mistake. Working on myself now.

I am going through this similar circumstance, but its my significant other who is wanting me to fill those needs, and that happiness. I have tried for so long now (almost four years) to be what he needs and make him happy, but its not working... now we are in a very unhappy situation, and part of me wants to be there for him, but I can only give so much more. I feel it is time to let go, but then I wonder did I do enough,is there something more I should or shouldnt have done, should I keep trying?

You're a "Break-ups and Divorce" celebrity. Funny how certain personalities become so famous anonomously... I'm glad you're back, too. Your OT posts are always entertaining. Your avatar pic looks like my son, who, at 2, is a consumate, gifted drummer.

You definitely have the right idea, to have a healthy relationship, you must be happy with yourself first. I am still working on that, but its very true.

just because a relationship is not working very well, doesn't mean that it is a failure. it is a work in progress, rman. you two can still tweak it and make it a good marriage.

you two sound like you need ideas. maybe you both can start reading tons of books to get ideas on what you would like to see in a marital lifestyle that is good for both of you.