Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Ok, so my anniversary is coming up soon and I sent him this text message:
In a few days, 14 years ago - our morning started with a little Dr. Seltzer and a whole lot of love. I stood so proudly in front of that Court House - holding your hands and loooking into your eyes as I handed you my heart "unconditionally", with our family and friends standing by to witness. Each day that passes and we are not together, I cry uncontrollably and mourn so sorrowfully for what was supposed to be the "rest of our lives". I fully intended to grow old with you and dies with you. When I said "till death do us part", I meant it. I will always love you with every ounce of my being. You will always have my heart, my body and my soul. My only regret is that I wasn't strong enough or woman enough to hold "your" heart and keep it safe with mine. I love you and always will.
His girlfriend responded to my message - not him and this is her response.
so pathetic. what a shame. must have worked in the past but thoses days are over. the sooner you except it and move on the better your life will be.
Why do I torture myself? Why after all the years of adultry on his part, do I still have feelings for him? Why do I even think that I want him back? So he can verbally and emotionally abuse me some more? Please help my find the strength to move on. Lecturing doesn't help. I just get pissed because I already know all of this. But how to I tell my heart to stop jumping for him. How to I teach my heart that he is toxic? Can anyone answer these questions? I have tried to date. I'm just not into that scene either. All I do is talk about him. What he did, who he is, how he treated me. HIM HIM HIM HIM ..
I need to get HIM out of my head.
In a few days, 14 years ago - our morning started with a little Dr. Seltzer and a whole lot of love. I stood so proudly in front of that Court House - holding your hands and loooking into your eyes as I handed you my heart "unconditionally", with our family and friends standing by to witness. Each day that passes and we are not together, I cry uncontrollably and mourn so sorrowfully for what was supposed to be the "rest of our lives". I fully intended to grow old with you and dies with you. When I said "till death do us part", I meant it. I will always love you with every ounce of my being. You will always have my heart, my body and my soul. My only regret is that I wasn't strong enough or woman enough to hold "your" heart and keep it safe with mine. I love you and always will.
His girlfriend responded to my message - not him and this is her response.
so pathetic. what a shame. must have worked in the past but thoses days are over. the sooner you except it and move on the better your life will be.
Why do I torture myself? Why after all the years of adultry on his part, do I still have feelings for him? Why do I even think that I want him back? So he can verbally and emotionally abuse me some more? Please help my find the strength to move on. Lecturing doesn't help. I just get pissed because I already know all of this. But how to I tell my heart to stop jumping for him. How to I teach my heart that he is toxic? Can anyone answer these questions? I have tried to date. I'm just not into that scene either. All I do is talk about him. What he did, who he is, how he treated me. HIM HIM HIM HIM ..
I need to get HIM out of my head.
We've all played the fool, but no ones worth your self esteem.
And tell his girlfriend to suck it. He's a grown man, he can handle his own affairs.
Still, stop doing this to yourself. Its wishful thinking and fantasy.
I've been doing the typo thing a lot lately. Sorry
You are in control of your self esteem and you can't let him control it. I know you miss him and it is hard with your anniversary but you can't keep putting yourself into the same situation and expect different results. That is the definition of insanity.
((hugs))
Things will get better.
learning to breathe - you are so right - i must be absolutely insane to thinkk things would ever change. teaching my heart to say no is a whole nother story.
tobehappyagain - it would be so much easier if i lived in another state. as it is, we only live 12 miles apart. shop at the same stores - travel the same roads. including his girlfriend. they have managed to shove their so called happiness in my face. it's not a slap - its a freakin punch.
Something that worked for me, outside of going to free/low cost counseling, is going to the self help section in the library/bookstore and reading all I could on codependancy. I felt like they were writing the books about me. When I built back up my self esteem (or actually built it period since I had never had it) I realized how tied together codependancy and self esteem issues are and then I was able to really talk those things out in therapy.
Hope this helps! I think that answers the entire last paragraph of questions you have - at least from the journey I have been on. Best of luck. xoxo
1) It is beyond offensive that he would let her do that.
2) Her response is beyond offensive -- and so breathtakingly cruel and heartless that I have no problem whatsoever saying she is a waste of human life.
I don't know you, but I am SO FUCKING ANGRY for you!! I hate them for you. I wish them ill for you. (You may not want me to, but I can't help it.)
Oh, cmshinn -- I am so very sorry for your pain. I can feel your pain. I know what it's like to keep pining for someone you *know* in your mind is not worthy of you and your love.
How to stop? I never figured it out. I just had to wait it out, until eventually, gradually, and slowly, it went away on its own.
As for you sending the text -- I see the issue not so much *that* you wrote him, but *what* you wrote. You weren't woman enough to keep him??? Oh, please!!! You can love him and miss him -- those feelings are beyond your control. But you HAVE to stop the groveling. That, you can control. Reclaim your dignity.
It sounds to me like maybe you need to work up some good, healthy, righteous, distancing, and self-protecting ANGER.
Sending you fierce hugs of support!!
another thing, i was angry. then I got sad again. then i missed him. then i saw him give me that smile and stare at me as i walked in the house after he dropped our daughter off. a had a glimmer of hope. i think now i was just reading into something that just wasn't there. i knew the closer it got to my anniversary, i would start to crack. and boy am i cracking.