How long was the sexting going on, days, weeks or months? What would it take for you to trust him? Is he willing to allow you full access to his phone? (I never locked mine until I started the divorce proceedings, I didn't care if my husband read my messages prior as I had nothing to hide.) Do you want to continue to monitor his FB messaging? Your relationship with your brother is already impacted, how will you manage that? If he finds out on his own without you or his wife telling him, how will the both of you respond, since you knew and didn't tell him. There are so many issues here. I guess the bottom line is this, you know your husband, is he trustworthy from here on in? Taking blinders off, is he generally an honest guy? If yes, and he goes to counseling and give that 100%, then maybe you can rebuild something healthy. If he balks at or during counseling, if he locks his phone, doesn't let you know his where abouts, if SIL is acting weird, all of these would be flags that there might be more going on.

You're devastated and rightfully so, but you're worried about the impact on the rest of the family?

You didn't do this.

Maybe those two should shoulder the burden for what THEY have done to you and their family.

Im not a big believer in secrets or martyrdom.

You say you have a fantastic marriage? Apparently not.

They crossed a serious line. Looks like you have some decisions to make.

I think everyone on this forum by now knows my position on things like this. He'd be gone. No Jerry Springer moments, he'd be done. And so would she. But only you can decide what to do with your life.

I'm sorry these people chose to disregard and disrespect you. This is totally a reflection on them, not you.

Oh wait, he's been sexting for 5 months? That's not innocent or casual, that's big-time. If I were your brother, I'd want to know. You didn't create this problem, they did, and you and your brother are unfortunately caught in the middle. This is an emotional affair, as far as I'm concerned.

Thank you both. Apparently I didn't have a fantastic marriage. I thought we did before I found out about this. I don't know what the future holds. I'm going to go to counselling with hi and take things from there. Trust me if this is a one off I don't want to throw my marriage away it's been going on for five months. I have all the messages saved so I know exactly. If anything transpires it was more than texting it's fdefinitely over. I'm going through so many emotions right now. Trying to hold it together whenever my son is here. And in work. I don't know how much longer I can go on. I found out a week last Friday whilst away on holiday and staying with people.

It has to be a horrible shock.

Make sure you take care of yourself while you process this.

My ex traveled this road and it was his addictive
Personality leading the way, he was already pretty
much a checked out spouse. He loved the ego
stroking From FB then things kept going downhill
after that. He loved his sexting too that was a whole
new exciting High and world. He is with his current
Friend now. They both enjoyed sexting and FB

He still has it on his timeline when they met in person
and flirted and he even mentions on his timeline when
We were in vegas he made a decision. I never saw the
Messages Until after he left. He and his GF have me
blocked but i Can see it on his timeline. Either he doesn't
know how to delete it or doesnt care. HUGS

It is so difficult in the beginning stages. You just have to hold onto your core strength. Reach deep down and pull it out and use it to get through these days. Counseling is no picnic, it's excruciatingly draining in the beginning, but it can be a godsend. Hold on till then, and take things one day at a time (someone posted on here to take things :15 at at time). You might also want to go to individual counseling at some point too, so you can speak about just your issues, not couple issues.

Thank you for your encouragement. I know what I should do but I am clinging on to the fact that maybe our marriage can survive. I really do not know at this present moment in time. I know I must tell my brother but o want to spare him the heartbreak I am in at the moment.

I would have my own therapist for just you
And for you to work thru your issues. Many
People have there own. Do not rely on the
Marriage counselor. Some are good some
are Bad, most cheaters admit to next to
nothing. My ex admited nothing and played
At trying until she called him on something
Then that was that.

I liked my marriage counselor a lot she met
Both so that was good each seperate at first
Then together. I went to see her alone 6 times,
She had great insights and was helpful eventually
I went and got my own drug, alcohol and abuse
Trained therapist. She is great i love her too. I
Needed the professional validation Also i was
Attending support groups.

I am sorry for your pain, i would talk it out with
Your own therapist how to deal with your brother
And SIL situation. HUGS

He's admitted to the texting. Well he had no choice did he !! He swears nothing else happened but can't get it out of my mind. I know I keep repeating myself

Oh no...you tell your brother immediately! Then kick his ass out!

Ok quick update. I'm still heartbroken. We went to council long which to be honest I didn't feel as though o got anything from apart from him saying that he swore it was only texting. He's adament but I really am finding it hard to believe. I feel as though I am two people at the moment. One doing my job in work me being a mother and one who can't stop crying when I'm on my own. The counsellong session was more about the past which we did not have a problem with. I wanted the counselling for what's happened !!! By the time we were actually talking about how i felt about the whole nightmare she said its time up now unfortunately !! He is still trying to make amends and I'm still trying to comprehend with what has happened. I have decided not to say anything at the moment to my brother and family and try and work things out with my other half. I am seeing my best friend next Wednesday and I m going to let her know what's happened as no one else knows. The time I find it hard us when I'm on my own when he is in work and everything keeps popping in my mind. I have told him that if I ever find out it was more than what he has admitted that's it !!! I said I'm not prepared to go through all this for it to happen again. He does seem really remorseful but time will tell. He said he's afraid I'll have a breakdown if o don't speak to someone and I said you should have thought about that before you started all that. I know a lot of you are saying get rid but I love him. It's really hard to be strong.

Your life, your call.

All I can say is that if heaven forbid my brother in law was to make a pass at me, drunken or not, he'd get a swift kick in the groin and I would immediately go to my sister and tell her

I care about my sister and relationship with her too much to not be honest.

I know what you are saying but my nephews are like my soms and my sim us like their brother and this would destroy the whole family.

Why would you want the marriage to survive? He's a cheater and won't change. He's betrayed you. You should be pissed as hell and divorcing his ass.