Me too - 47 yrs old and married 19 years. He left 3.5 weeks ago. Said he still loved me, I'm the person he trusts most in the world, etc etc (I think a lot of them say that) but he just wasn't happy anymore. Found out a week later that he is dating somebody else, who he had started seeing before he left. (she's also younger - like 15 yrs younger. And BTW, who are these women who sleep with married men?) Mine also says that he'll support us and we'll be fine, but that's now what I care about. The future that was supposed to be mine - the future with him - he has stolen from me. It's a horrible feeling, isn't it? Sorry I can't help at all, just want to say that I feel the exact same way and that you are not alone. I keep telling myself one small thing at a time and eventually this new normal might seem normal.

Severing the marriage vows severs all,
You can't be friends with someone that was never your friend .
Take care of yourself
Get tested for STDs
Get a counselor
Get a lawyer

It is devastating to be where you find yourself

It will take some time but then you'll see that you didn't put yourself there
And you can make choices to live a new full life

I am so sorry :(

Mine left me for another woman says he's in love with her but I thought we were working on our marriage going to counseling but the whole time he was with her so how are u working on a marriage with another person, he wants to be friends too and says he'll support us so far he has but it's only been 2 weeks. I'm devastated and miserable I guess it just takes time. He's moved on and I'm just lonely. It seems really unfair. I wish a thousand times a day this wasn't my life, I thought I'd be married to him forever grow old together.

So sorry for your heart ache. It truly is the hardest thing to go through. Most of us here know how you feel and have been where you are. This website will help you through the toughest times. Come here often. I know it seems overwhelming (and it is some days) but take this one day at a time. Make a list of things that need to be done (when you're having a clear moment) and take it one step at a time. I think true healing doesn't start until after the divorce paperwork is done and final so hang on and take care of business now. You're healing will come later. Remember to take care of you so you can be there for your kids.

The thing that helped me the most was going no contact as soon as you can. Its hard in the beginning, especially when kids are involved but I couldn't move on until I let go. Get yourself an attorney right away and let them do the battling. Good luck, you will make it but its a long, hard journey. By the way, this was my 2nd divorce, sigh and I was 53 so it is a scary thing to go through but life does get better, it calms down and one day you will even smile and laugh and hopefully love again.
Hugs!

ps: it's hard to stay friends with them, I tried but it was just too painful. I don't know too many people that can stay friends, at least during the divorce process.....maybe down the road (since you have kids together) And I wouldn't trust him, they always say they will "help" us but once the divorce process starts, they usually turn into total strangers and you are left wondering where that person you married went. Sorry, probably not helpful for you but stay on guard. This is your future you're suddenly fighting for.

Actually we don't have kids so when he leaves I will be truly alone. We are still living together (still sharing a bed!) until he can find another place. We are holding off on divorce so I can stay on his benefits as long as possible. He says it's hard on him too and that he never wanted to hurt me but feels he deserves a chance at love and happiness.

I'm so sorry. I'm in the same boat. Affair with my best friend etc. FYI they all say that at first. GET IT IN WRITING!!! He told me he'd take care of me the rest of my life. I won't ever have to work etc etc. ( I haven't worked in 20 years due to raising kids) I trusted him. I never thought he'd treat me so thoughtlessly. Now totally going back on everything he said. You can't trust him, even though you really want to, you can't. And I get it. You want to believe him. But you can't. YOU CAN'T! You will not be friends and as soon as he is comfortable that his new relationship is solid, he will no longer feel guilty. He's already shown you that he does not have any regard for you or the marriage. It's painful and terrifying but, you need to think about you and what you need. Get tested for STDS, get counseling and get a really, really good attorney. This is now a business deal.
Again, so sorry. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. Hugs

Get a Lawyer PROTECT YOURSELF

This is hard very hard, my husband left me and is dating a woman 11 years OLDER than him. She was with another married man before she started dating him. I am heart broken as well. The crying does start to subside, but it will come in huge waves where you just blubber. Mine said he still wanted to try for us and work on our marriage, but he doesn't want to, it was lies. He was keeping his foot in the door if it doesn't work out with her. My kids are so devastated. They keep asking when daddy is coming home. You can always start the legal parts of it and if something changes it can be stopped.

I cant offer any advice either as my husband of 30 years has just moved out after an affair. All I can say is that we can all empathise and try and help one another feel slightly less lonely. I have cried so much, and have a permanent knot in my stomach, but now I just feel so full of anger, which is not good either. I would agree with the others who have said you cannot afford to trust what he says. My husband has said he will continue to cover the household bills, but I know that he is looking for somewhere to rent (he's with his parents) so how long can he afford to do that? He lied to me for so long I can't trust anything he says and I would advise anyone in this situation not to trust a word they say. I am going to start squirreling money away in case we divorce. Pm me if you need to. Thinking of you.

You cannot stay friends. The only reason he wants to is to relieve his guilt. Do "friends" betray the most basic trust? Could you trust him enough to be open and vulnerable? Of course not. You will be going thru deep pain. And, the key ingredient for moving thru that pain is "no contact". Every time you talk to him you will be ripped open anew. You can't be friends because then you cannot heal.

So, that is that

- No contact
- Surround yourself with friends and support
- get a lawyer, and listen to her.
- know the most important things you want in the divorce and go after them with lazer focus, compromise on everything else.
- put yourself first, not him

Good luck!!

Oh! And check out www.chumplady.com

For all of you on this thread who were cheated on... this site helped me get it in perspective, move past the shock, and put the blame where it belongs.....