Yep - that was my husband. Dumped him and his criticism because I saw he would never change.

Lynne

Yeah I can totally relate to that.

Just as awful though is a spouse who lies and leaves the truth aside until either you find out on your own, or they say it in the throes of an argument.

My X said some extremely revealing/hurtful things in arguments, then didn't think I should have taken them at face value b/c they were said "in the heat of the moment."

uh, yeah. Is there a reason you are in the breakup and divorce section? That says something.

it sounds like an abusive relationship. i am sorry.. no one should make you feel that way.. you don't deserve it.
hugs

I don't think my stbx feels anything anymore, except for the bimbo OW, perhaps. I honestly think his soul is empty.

That's my ex exactly. He would always criticize me in his efforts to "help" me be better.

See it for what it is--verbal/emotional abuse.

I have to chime in here, I have said some pretty hurtful things to my stbx. I felt guilty after I sad them.
No excuse other than lashing out becuase I was hurt and pissed.

Mine doesn't even make sense anymore. Maybe it's because it's all crap to try to excuse his behavior, but he's contradicted himself so many times. Like, several weeks ago during a conversation where I had to hear once again that he's "not in love with me anymore" and I asked him whether he thought it was ever really there. He said, "I think it was. I had doubts, but everyone has doubts." Then yesterday I pulled out our notebooks from our Engaged Encounter weekend we had to do before we got married. In his, he said he had no doubts about marrying me. He talked about how much he loved me. Methinks the supposed doubts are a convenient way to excuse his exit from our marriage. After all, if he was never really sure about it, this couldn't be that much of a surprise, right? So he was either lying then, or he's lying now. I vote for the latter. He has also both told me that I've changed, and that I can't change my personality (which he now has a problem with). When I read my notebook, I immediately recognized the person who wrote the words. It was me. I'm not all that different now. I could have just as easily written a lot of it now, and that was from over 12 years ago.

This is all to lay the blame on us, Lily. The shame of it is, sometimes it actually works, which is why we need a support group, and they just need another warm body.

been there. xoxoxoxox

Mine seemed detached from his actions, more than his words. He said all the right things, always. He just did the opposite of what he said.

i had one like that he's call me a bitch in one breath and them exspect me to have sex with him the next

My husband has some of the same behaviors mentioned by others. His words and action often contradict each other. He also changes what he tells me from one day to the next.

One day, he'll tell me how much he dislikes doing some activity with me. The next day, he either denies ever saying it, or says he actually likes it.

I have given up on trying to figure out what the truth is for him. It seems to be whatever suits the moment.

Yep, that's part of the crazy making. Throw in some re-written history and outright lies and it's a wonder we're all here speaking intelligently instead of drooling on a paper bib.

Rewritings history and lying are also part of his vast repetoire. He is very talented at avoiding responsibility for anything he says or does.