Im about there also , tired of being angry and hurt, im ready to move on now after nine months of my pity party.. Im just ready to get things settled now, everything is still so up in the air with the divorce but im pretty much over the crying and all that, now just to get him out of my head , that will probably never happen after 33 years i guess.
I dont think we are in denial, i know full well what happened to me!

I'm afraid that if I choose what emotions to feel that I'm being dishonest with myself and I'm really just in denial.

I know exactly what you mean - I feel that way, too! I could not have said it better! I just never had the angry stage, just the hurt, and I am afraid if I don't feel the anger, really feel it, it will surface someday. I believe you are moving forward and that is a very, very good thing ((HUGS))

I dont really feel i have the power to choose my emotions just the way i control them outwordly so I think im pretty much past the anger and hurt.

Maybe you are also?

You may be coming out of the anger phase. There is a theory that there are stages of divorce much like the stages of grief and that different people move through them at different paces and in different orders. The tricky thing with divorce, is that roller-coaster effect.

My gawd. I once went through like 5 of 7 stages in the space of one day. Time helps heal when you loose someone because of a death. And so it does with divorce. But, the darn ex's are still there just annoying us by moving on or not moving on. So, it's hard but we will all get through this...........sometime.

As to can we control our emotions, I totally agree with iquitnow. We can control the outer evidence of what we are feeling. If we become aware of triggers and learn how to avoid them or at least anticipate them we can deal with the emotions with a bit more grace. But, I would be quite disappointed if we could totally control our emotions. I rather like them. They serve a purpose and they are barometers of our passion.

i like emotions 2 next..well most of the time. i am a retired drama queen, so i can run the gamut. so i may still be angry but i can decide not to dwell on it. i can surely decide not to have conversations with him that arent about the kids. i can be curt. i can choose not to seethe. i dont mind crying. i often find that cleansing. what ive been doing that kinda disgusts me lately is i send him texts telling how horrible he is. after like hours ill apologize. i mean every word but i know i have no right to berate him.

I think you do get to a point where you are tired of the anger and the bitterness and just want peace. I remember one night really wanting to learn how to really forgive and move on.

I prayed for guidance to learn true forgiveness and the path which has emerged is pretty amazing!

Go on, move into the light! It is where you belong!

Good luck to you!

You Don't Have To be angry. And you aren't in denial if You decide it is time to stop.
I think we will actually always hurt. But we learn to deal with it better each day. Just like the death of a loved one.
You can forgive but still be angry and hurt. It's how you deal with the angry that gets you by
I chose to NOT be bitter. There is hurt and anger. But I don't dwell on it anymore. (some days i do) But there comes a time you are just Done.

thank u all 4 ur open and helpful comments. go into the light. i like that. im actually thinking of naming my new daughter light. in some ways this is harder than mourning a death. what if i nevr stop loving him? then i have to still love this person who has hurt me so and be very aware that he doesnt love me. that scares me. the hope or comfort is that i can love him and someone else. i know this, but it would be easier if i just stop loving him. it may come. theres many a relationship in my past that i never thought would be over; that i never i thought id be ok with the end, but i am. i got over a rape. i should be able at some point get over a betrayal....amen. ty everyone for helping me through this moment.