I've definitely felt that way. I still do sometimes but to a lesser extent. A real change didn't come until I went and volunteered at a wellness retreat. Working outdoors everyday and spending time with people who were similarly situated really helped change my perspective. During that time I was happy more often than not. Coming back home has caused me to backslide a little but at least I know there is hope that I will have a life and be happy again someday.

Ive been there more than once. Its a hard place to be, but you also come to a point where you got tired of being in such a place. You get tired of being down and out and you come to realize you deserve better. You can do better, and then you get mad, get up, and back in the fight. You fight for yourself and you get beyond this horrible point. At least this is how it has worked for me. Im no saint, but being beaten down and out and staying that way is not what I deserve and I wont allow anyone to put me there and keep me there. I wont.

I ran across this earlier this morning.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breath and have faith that everything will work out for the best.


Do not give up on yourself, this is the time in your life where you have to bend down, grab those boot straps and pull them up. Make peace with yourself, do something that will make you happy. Try your best not to think about the past (what you had), think about what you have today and what you want for tomorrow and the next day. Set your goals, set short term goals and long term goals. Find a new hobby, try new things. We only live once and we need to make each day a new day, a new beginning.

Here is another quote I try to remember

While on this ride called Life
you have to take the good with the bad, smile when you're sad, love what you've got and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget. Learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change. Things go wrong. Just remember, the ride goes on

A while back I wrote about feeling defeated. It is exhausting and you feel as is if you will never rebound from it. It hurts to know that our STBX is out having the time of their life, but you know what? Eventually, we will get to a place where we honestly do not care. I say honestly because at this stage in our process of healing, we still do care somewhat about what they are doing. It's natural. However, time and strength will help move us away from these toxic thoughts.

I will admit that when I think about my future, it is intimidating. I have to create a new path. The one that had been existence before the divorce is no longer valid. I wish that I could not care, but I have to. Not having an idea of what you want out of life does not help the current situation. If anything, it gives you an area to focus on.

As I said, I have been where you are. It drains you, but I can assure you with time, it gets better. The energy slowly starts to come back and you look forward to grander things in the future. You just have to assure yourself that all will work out. Remember, you can change how you feel by changing how you think. Stay strong.

Honey, it has not even been 1 year. Please be gentle with yourself. What you are feeling is so very normal. And how do you know that he is happy. Really, what makes you think that. He is showing to the world the person he wants people to see. It is all a mirage. I know for sure that my ex is so miserable that he cannot even be in the same building as me. It has taken me the better part of 3 yrs to even start to smile. I cried so much that I felt my eyes were permanently swollen. You will be fine. Unfortunately, we have to walk through the fire of hell before we can start to heal. It usually takes about 1 year of recovery for every 4 year of relationship. Just hand in there, there is a bright beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. Go for it. Hugs.

I honestly think what has gotten me over the hump from not wanting to get out of bed (and yes not wanting to live) to realizing that I am wasting my time obsessing over him, trying to figure him out, talking about him to friends, crying etc etc is this website. This website and the people I have met on here have been exactly what I needed to not feel so alone in this world. I honeslty thought I was the only one going through heartache and although I knew that wasn't true I was the only person I knew personally who was. It is so comforting to read people's success stories and how it does get easier and better in time. I still have days where I feel awful, but enough is enough!!!! He isn't that special and time to take him off the pedestal!!!

Wow. Thanks everyone. Nice to know Im not alone in feeling this way. I just would have never thought that a breakup would shatter my world for a full year. Never ever felt this way before.

I appreciate all your comments. I may have to print them out to reread when Im feeling really low.

YOU WROTE - but just thinking I just dont want to care anymore about what my future holds. Just go through the flow of the day and take things as they come.

TO ME THAT'S A SIGN THAT YOU ARE FINALLY GETTING IT TOGETHER. :)

Caring, dwelling and obsessing doesn't mean we control what happens, we don't control anything at all - so the only way to live is taking one day at a time.

Good luck.

Yes everyday when the distractions aren't enough and I have down time. Your not alone with these feelings. We all have good days and really bad days. I pray that you get to the good days, or at least start small and have some good moments through out the day.