Read journals here, make friends here, keep your own journal here, these are all things that helped me. There are so many great people here, you will make wonderful friends, some for life. There are always a lot of people willing to talk, and just be there when you need someone.

Well, coming here is a good first step. This place is filled with people that either have been where you are or are where you are.

One of the great catch22s of depression is the sleep cycle. You are depressed so you sleep less, which leaves you exhausted which adds to the depression which makes hard to sleep...yada yada yada

My first suggestion would be to get some Melatonin to take in the evening to help you get your sleep cycle back. It's something you can get at your local drugstore.

The next thing I would suggest is that you find a counselor. Therapy can be helpful for getting through this part of the process.

I would also suggest journaling. Here, if you journal, people will post supportive comments in your journal. The other option is to journal just for yourself. I do both and find it's helpful to get what's in my head out of it so that I release it and sleep at night.

You also might want to try exercise. Exercise helps release endorphans which are natural mood enhancer. You don't have to go to a gym and do something boring. You can take a Karate class, or dance lessons, or take a walk every evening, or go swimming. There are lots of options.

And drop in here anytime, we're good listeners.

It does get better, I promise.

Hang in there, Bigguy. I have found that healing isn't a straight line from excruciating to well. It is three steps forward and two back. Feel your pain, then visualize releasing her. This is working for me.

Bigguy, I know oh too well what your going through. I too jumped to anger to subside my pain and depression. I kept asking myself why I was so angry. That there had to be a reason behind it. Yes, you do have to go through the pain, but you have to do whatever it takes to get through it. After awhile, I came to realize I was angry because I had every right to be and there wasnt anything behind it. I got %&***%$% over! Anyone that has that happen to them with feelings feels anger. Its natural. It may sound cliche, but keep one foot in front of the other (make that your motto) and focus on what you accomplish day to day rather than what you didnt. Slowly (VERY SLOWLY) it will get better. Reading posts and journals here helps put things into prospective. In the sense that your not alone and many people have the same feelings and thoughts. Either way, good luck and may the day come swiftly that you can rest peacefully.

All the suggestions here are great.

The anxiety and depression have really taken their toll on my physically. I barely eat, and my sleep is all messed up.

I am on Lexapro to help the anxiety, but I think I may need to have the dosage upped.

I try to exercise, but being so tiredand weakened from weight loss it is hard to get motivated. But when I do exercise it is usually with weights or just punching the heavy bag.

I have really found the journalling feature here on DS a great help. People read them and offer you a great deal of support.

COunseling seems to be helping me. I think it is just the fact that I am talking about the feelings out loud rather than just keeping everything bottled up inside.

Prayer has also been a big help for me, both alone and with my Pastor. And I read the Bible nearly everyday. If anything, I think this experience has helped me to trust in God more and rely on God for my spiritual well being.

Go out with friends. anything to get your mind of the situation at home.

Sorry for your pain big and know that it is very typical of the divorce reaction especially an unwanted one. My reactions have been very similar to yours and tho anger does serve it's purpose to motivate us in some respect it can overwhelm us. Acceptance of our situations and our pain and sadness should be our next step. All the suggestions of others can be very helpful but motivation must come first. You need to care about yourself and love yourself and make you your number one priority now. Pick one thing one dream one happy thought and focus on that big time. That can lead to other happy feelings. It's a slow process and healing could take several years as per the length of your marriage. Good luck and we are here to support your efforts.

dude here are my drug free suggestions

a) start to exercise even if you simply go the gym for 5 minutes and gawk at the ladies...
b) try alterantive stuff- reiki, nero linguistic programming, herbal remedies

Some of these really really work. I have reiki level II and I only practice on myself and send distance healing to those in need. Maybe even try acupunture... can't hurt right?

As for the sleep thing, I use ( quite by accident) a little heating pad, it makes you feel comfort and lulls you to sleep.

May not work if it is too warm where you are.LOl Let us know if you find something that works

Thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate it.

This whole divorce has been much more difficult than I had ever imagined. My ex-wife was the "leavee" and I am the "left" in our divorce. I am sure she had years where she was working out how she felt before she finally decided to file for divorce. I have only had 6 months since I accepted the divorce and signed the divorce papers. I still love my wife ... it would be so much easier if I hated her. I hate the things she did to me (she admits that she emotionally abused me and took advantage of me), I hate the giant financial mess she left for me to clean up, and I hate that she whined about lack of communication when she was as much at fault as I was. I can rationalize in my head all day long about all the bad things that were done to me, what I put up with, etc. But there is a deep emotional connection there that I have been struggling to let go. I never felt like I would feel ANY emotion more powerful than the love I felt for my ex-wife. The pain is definitely more powerful. To embrace that pain means I have to let go of the emotional connection that I had ... which is scary and very painful.

All of this was triggered by an conversation I had with my ex-wife on Monday night. All I wanted to do was let her know that I was concerned about an incident she had with our oldest son. But it ended up being an hour and a half conversation. I was able to vent to her and tell her how I have been feeling, how unfair the financial situation is, how much it hurts etc.. And to my surprise (and very atypical for her), she just listened and did not get defensive. She shared with me what she went through during the divorce and how she is feeling now ... and I just listened and didn't get defensive. This type of honest, verbal "intimacy" was something that I very much wanted in my relationship with her but we never had. To experience it after the divorce is finalized was extremely painful to me. I did not want the divorce and tried everything I could think of (and everything that I was asked to do) to save the marriage. She gave up on even trying. I accepted that she had given up and realized that any more effort on my part was futile. So I accepted the divorce and signed the decree.

I appreciate all the support here and I'm sure I will be back. Thanks again.

I think a lot of how we recover depends on how we look at things. If you look at it like a break up ONLY instead of, the big d word it puts it into perspective better. Also, once its over you do go through a grieving period which I think is normal. You grieve for what you used to have.
When my first situation ended I took my lil happy butt out to dinner to celebrate! I had my freedom back. He was cold and icy and NOT husband material. Someone else might like that, but not I said the fly.
I did go through all the steps of grieving also, but was mostly pissed bec he got to go to St Thomas with some skanky girl he was seeing at the time after we broke up. Now I was with your behind for 6 yrs and WE never got to go to St Thomas. My life got worse when it was over, and apparently his got better. So I had a lot to digest mentally. Now, I just say my ex when I talk about him which is rare. Ex can mean a lot of things, ex fiance ex boyfriend, we cant get too caught up in the wordology of it.
Things will get better, it just does take time. Journaling is an excellent release as someone else mentioned. Peace to you..