I've started typing and deleted it about 5 times. I don't know what to say. I know it happens day in and day out all over the world, but seeing it is still shocking. I commend you, because it appears you have taken the high road to preserve whatever relationship there may be between your son and his father. To take a super high road, it's possible your ex has his own scars from childhood that make him feel like a failure and thus he fears contact with your son... maybe he's afraid your son is getting old enough to call him out. Anyway, regardless, it's wrong. He's the adult and should get his head out of his ass. I don't have kids of my own, so there may be more experience out there. My belief though is that kids, at any age, appreciate straight talk. Age appropriate of course. Have you talked to your son at all about how he feels? Maybe have a talk with him, and stay as neutral as possible, but acknowledge that it must be disappointing and see what he says. Like, "I'm sorry things didn't work out the way we thought this week, how are you feeling about it?" I think giving children some credence to their thoughts is valuable. I think it might go a long way with your son to know that you aren't blind to the fact it sucks and he probably has feelings about it. For what it's worth. :) And I'm so sorry. What a jerk.

Namaste - Girl, you KNOW I hear you.

I posted a while ago about dumb shit my ex did...lying and hiding his marriage, and how pissed I was that he hid it from our kid...and the general feedback I got was that I was letting him take my power.

I thought about it and, NOPE, it's not the same power when it comes to your kid.

I completely understand. I understand how you're so "over it" with him, and how, even though him bailing at the last minute is characteristic of him, it STILL SUCKS that YOUR kid has to suffer. You are left holding the bag while deadbeat dad makes promises, bails, makes promises, bails.

Biting our tongues sucks, too. I've bitten a LOT...I always say, "Ok, I will pick my battles with him"...and ALL my battles have to do with my son. Youand are alike, we don't give a crap what they do, but we care when the deadbeat dad disappoints our sons...again...and again...and again...

Ok, so I ask you: Will it go ANYWHERE if you say something? Will there be an improvement? Based on his history, he doesn't sound like he will change.

is there any way to NOT tell your son when "dad" is coming, so when he fails like usual, your child will suffer less impact? Is it possible to plan under the assumption he will consistently fail, like he does, so you and your son can go on, not missing a beat?

I'm sorry this shit keeps happening, buddy. Seriously. I'm like you... I can put up with some BS, but it hits...and it hits HARD..when it's our kids.

I think sweeping it under the rug is teaching your son the wrong lesson. A lot of us here find ourselves in broken relationships because we're with partners who can't communicate their feelings. This is an opportunity for you to teach your son about the importance of expressing his emotions. I agree with Sweetirie. Acknowledge how disappointing the situation is while keeping it neutral. Ask him how he feels? Even if he doesn't want to talk about it now, he'll know that you're ready to listen when he's ready to talk.

Thanks, everyone, for your words of kindness.

Yep, this is what it is. I've made NO mention of this trip (and never do) to son. Promises are always broken, and "donor" is the one that brings it up to him. I can't change it. I can't control it. He promises and doesn't deliver....that's on him.

Son hasn't said a word about this....and, being 12 1/2 he's well aware of what was said. He's a really sweet, kind, compassionate little guy. When he's let down, he will never say, and just keep it in. I don't broach the subject. I believe his relationship with him is his business. Son knows I'm always here for him and we have a great communicative relationship.

I feel stuck. Resentful. And I don't want to be. I give this child 1000%. And HATE that he's treated this way. Powerless feeling to not be able to protect your child's emotions. It blows.

I should have chosen better....that's all I can think or feel right now.

My ex-husband, the father of my two, now grown, sons is an alcoholic. After the divorce the kids knew I was the one taking care of things and Dad was unreliable. One day they asked to go to a friends house and I said " no, your Dad is suppose to pick you up in half an hour," They both looked at me like I was crazy, and Jesse said, "Mom, it's Dad....." I said "Oh ya, what was i thinking,.... go." Sometimes they get it better then we do. That doesn't make it okay though. Somewhere down the line, it's going to be an issue in the way they relate to others. You'r doing a great job. Life is very unfortunate at times.

Namaste - I totally understand feeling resentful...pissed off that this little person is the most important thing in the world to you, and you can't imagine not having him in your life...and then the other "parent" puts every other priority ahead of your son.

Because we are mothers, and are protective of our children, this is a hurt we can't stop. THAT, for me, is the part that sucks. We can't change the deadbeat BS of these men, we can't smack them in the head and tell them, 'Wtf is wrong with you, wake up"...NOPE...all we can do is be the best moms we can be. Be there, every day, like we are....doing the best we can.

When it all comes out in the wash, our kids will know who was there for them and who was a deadbeat. I know it's little solace, but I, for one, am not going to stop myself from being my best because his father sucks.

I wish I had chosen better, too. I wish I could've given my son the kind of Dad I had....BUT, we wouldn't have these exact sons if we hadn't chosen these loser men, and I wouldn't trade my son in for anything in the world.