Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I really wasn't planning on dating anyone until I met this guy by a weird coincidence 3 mos ago. We have spent a lot of time with each other and I know some people may feel this is fast but I know he loves me although he won't come out and say it. He has been married a few times before and like me it is hard to say. I think I do too. He is 16 yrs older than me and I have had to think a lot about that but he is so loving and caring towards me. More than my ex-husband ever was.
He is a recovering alcoholic and has been for 29 yrs. He has always been very open and honest with me about his past. The issue is this he has been single for about 16 yrs before they finally got a divorce and I just get the feeling like he doesn't see marriage in our future. I probably shouldn't have brought it up but I did sometime and because he believes so much in the 'one day at a time' that AA stresses he talks about that a lot and doesn't seem to plan or talk about the future. I know some people may think I am making too big a deal of this too soon but it is so hard to get so emotionally involved with someone and think it is not going to lead to a permanent relationship. Sorry this is so long. The part that has become really harder on me is our intimacy. Now I will not have sex before we are married but everything does get very 'heated' and intense and that part is hard for me to 'take' because it tends to make you that much closer to someone.
I guess I just don't know what to do. I had a friend just tell me just relax and enjoy it but I am thinking for how long? What if this is all he wants?
He is a recovering alcoholic and has been for 29 yrs. He has always been very open and honest with me about his past. The issue is this he has been single for about 16 yrs before they finally got a divorce and I just get the feeling like he doesn't see marriage in our future. I probably shouldn't have brought it up but I did sometime and because he believes so much in the 'one day at a time' that AA stresses he talks about that a lot and doesn't seem to plan or talk about the future. I know some people may think I am making too big a deal of this too soon but it is so hard to get so emotionally involved with someone and think it is not going to lead to a permanent relationship. Sorry this is so long. The part that has become really harder on me is our intimacy. Now I will not have sex before we are married but everything does get very 'heated' and intense and that part is hard for me to 'take' because it tends to make you that much closer to someone.
I guess I just don't know what to do. I had a friend just tell me just relax and enjoy it but I am thinking for how long? What if this is all he wants?
You brought up marriage after 3 months? - I am shocked he didn't run. I would suggest you try to be a little bit more like him - take one day at a time with this. If you feel is not good for you to get too involved emotionally or sexually, you may want to cut back in the amount of time you are spending with this person and let him be the one to come to you with conversations about the future.
Good luck.
I'm not sure why you immediately think this guy is marriage material? Particularly so soon. There's a lot to get tovknow here, many, many compromises that will be required of you. Way too soon to even betbethinking of anything beyond casually hanging out to let him show you who he is now.
I should have listened to my instincts and run like the wind. My marriage ended in disaster. Personally I will never get involved with an alcoholic again, recovering or otherwise. It's too risky because there's so many negative behaviors associated with alcoholism.