Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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jeffstueber 07/05/2010

I signed up for match.com and one gal on this site suggested that I change my status from "separated" (as wife and I are going through a legal separation) to "divorced" even though we are not divorced. Her thought is that I should do this because women will think I might go back to my ex is I am separated, not divorced. but if I change my status to divorced and meet somebody, isn't that lying? she said maybe I can just explain myself to a prospective date later. However, the STBX changed her status on facebook to "single" when she's really not. Hope she don't lie to a guy that she is single when she's not.... but that's her problem.

so what should I do? I can use some advice here...

ChiTownBear 07/05/2010

does it really matter? This is not dating site support. Maybe you could query the forums there.

llmt 07/05/2010

Hey Chi...I thought DS stood for dating site or was I mistaken? LOL.

jeffstueber 07/05/2010

hmmm not seeing any forums there.....

Misred 07/05/2010

I struggled with something like this. I get the question how long have you been divorced and since it has been less than one year that seems to be a red flag. So then I get the how long were you separated before you were divorced question. Apparently people read something into it like there is a time line. Anyway, back to the question at hand; I thought about lying and saying we were separated a long time before the divoce, but I think that would be starting a relationship off on lies. A relationship that would be an important one.

deleted_user 07/05/2010

i say be honest... seprated thats what u are and if u meet someone u really connect with theyll understand...if they rant willing to give it a try then they arent worth it ....but its up to u ...

deleted_user 07/05/2010

There is forums on those sites, I know that POF has one.

ChiTownBear 07/05/2010

maybe we can help with your profile too...

deleted_user 07/05/2010

goodness

deleted_user 07/05/2010

You should change it to divorced. Look at it this way if you invested time and feeling into a woman and she went back that would suck.

As for your stbx it dont matter because if a guy is going to get some ass it dont matter what she lies about.

Just explain that it is over with her and the divorce is filed.

deleted_user 07/05/2010

Be honest, because you will waist your time.

deleted_user 07/05/2010

She is not single and you are not divorced yet,; therefore, you are....separated.

lifeisgood2me 07/05/2010

Be honest, if you're not. who really are you kidding?

Having dated and fallen in love with a separated man who then went back to his wife after 8 months and broke my heart AFTER she found out her separated husband was in love with another woman and decided to try to make things work, I won't ever date a separated man again. Of course, I am speaking my truth, but that doesn't necessarily mean the same will happen to someone else.

deleted_user 07/06/2010

If you state that you are divorced...you would be lying....very simple.
As a person who has been sort of where you are....I can almost promise you that you aren't ready to date, anyway....even if you think you are...so did I....

deleted_user 07/06/2010

I'd keep it at separated, Jeff. You're right, that term will likely be construed as a red flag, but it speaks of your honesty as well. Consider the alternative: if you put "divorced" and then you have to explain yourself to someone, that sets a precedent right off the bat that there was dishonesty in your profile.

Regarding the STBX, I wouldn't concern myself with her profile. Let her make her own mistakes...er choices.

lycesq 07/06/2010

I agree - be honest and say you are separated, then change it to divorced when you are.

Lynne

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