Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So it has been about (2) yrs since my most recent separation. I decided it was time to date. I started dating this older gentlemen about 4 yrs older than I and we hit it off. He seemed well traveled, had a good career, said he was married for 20 years and wife cheated on him so he divorced, he was loyal, cared for his children and seemed to care for me. Anyhow we had been talking/dating for about 1.5 months. I had agreed to come stay over his place for one weekend. The weekend I stayed with him was terrible. He was there physically but, mentally he was not. He was anxious. So he tells me that his sister is in the hospital and he is worried about her, then he says he was going to leave to Oklahoma to pick up his kids because his ex-wife needed to go out of state to see her mom that is in the hospital. So I had asked when will you be leaving and he said “as soon as you leave I will leave”. He said but, don’t feel like you have to rush. ??? He continues to tell me he can’t get a hold of his mother to see how is sister is doing and he is getting upset at his mom because he thinks she is helping his brother that is causing trouble in their neighborhood by threatening to kill a well-known Mob Lord of some sort in that area. Wait I am not done yet! So he says the ex knows about me and she knew I was with him and then he receives a text that the ex let his dog out and the dog never came back. (she knows how much he loves this dog) So now he is worried about the dog! Of course I am thinking did she purposely let the dog leave just because she was upset because I was there? Not sure.
So this whole time, I don’t know what to do and I am feeling very uncomfortable and a bit awkward. I mean it’s not like I have known this man for years I have only known him less than 2 months!! I asked him should I leave so you can deal with all this? He said no, he wanted me there with him. But, to be honest I wanted to jet because this was a bit too much for me. So early morning comes he makes me breakfast and I went to go get my car to leave and I left pretty quick and flustered. He thought I was upset. I was not upset I just wanted to get the heck out of there and let him fully focus on his problems I felt I was an obstacle keeping him there while he could be on the road to get his kids. And again he had a bag load of problems to work through, it was no help me being there, I felt. And to be honest I got a chit load of problems of my own. I mean I am a struggling single mother. (not sure if this was selfish of me)
Well a couple of hours later he sends me a picture of him in the hospital. Apparently he has heart issues and the stress got to him. I finally was able to get in touch with him and he told me what had happened. The next day I went over everything in my head. So I tried calling him to discuss. I told him how I felt at the time when I was there and was uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do or how to help him and that was why I left. I didn’t want to be an obstacle. I also discussed with him that he talks a lot about the "ex" and felt he was not over her yet. I mean 20 yrs with someone is a long time I am not sure if 2 years is enough to really get over a person you been with for so long? I continued to tell him the person I was involved with before never got over his ex and he cheated on me with her when we were together and I didn’t want to go through that type of situation again nor drag my kids through the same. I needed to protect myself and my kids. So he said he couldn’t deal with me it was a lot for him and he hung up on me. Then he began to ignore me for a while which I didn’t understand why so he said I was acting like a “child” because “if the ball was not in my court I was going to take the ball and no one will play”? WTF?!!
I called and texted him and he completely blew me off and ignored me. I left him a voicemail and told him I am simply looking out for myself and kids and he calling me childish only knowing me for less than 2 months was not right and he was acting childish by ignoring me and not able to have an adult conversation. (My ex did this all the time too! What is with the whole ignoring someone?)
So here is my question, did I do the right thing by leaving? How do I get myself up from this to date again, cuz after this I am pretty scared to see what is next.
Am I a “B” for having standards? Is there something wrong with me?
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Just thought I would join this group now that I am a widower. My wife passed away May 28th. She was "The Wind Beneath My Wings". When I met her, I was a drunken, dope smoking, fighting, hell raising biker. She told me if I could get rid of the inner storm within me, that I could be a blessing to people. God placed her in my path to stop me. I have been drug and alcohol free now for 53...
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My husband and I got our foster license last month, after 3 years of hard work (we had to start over multiple times due to family dramas and Mom's open heart surgery). We spent a year preparing the whole house, guest rooms, and children's bathroom for older kids of 7 yr old and up. Then we got a call that we have been approved to receive twin newborn premies. What, what?!! Babies!? Premies?!...
Perhaps this post would be better suited to the Healthly Relationships forum?
When I was dating after my divorce, I too would talk a bit about the EX because like you said, we spent years together. It was not so much about him, but things about my life that lead me to where I am today. I did realize that much of it really doesn't matter nor is it helpful to share, so I made a conscience effort not to. I've gotten much better about it. One example is some of my (new) in-laws take their kids to a lake and their in-laws have a boat. Well, we had a boat too when the kids were young, and I have great memories being on the lake. That is something I would have normally shared with people while having a conversation, but now I just don't share it. Not because I hate my EX or anything,...it just doesn't add anything of value. I hope that makes sense. It really is a shame someone cannot talk about an EX without others thinking "oh he still wants to be with her, or oh she hates his guts." Of course unless they actually say I hate my ex or still want to be with them. LOL I'm rambling....sorry
Whether you made the right decision is neither here nor there since you to seem to have distance yourselves from each other. Only you can decide how much and what you want to put up with.