Suck it up and think only of your son's happiness for a few hours.

You don't have to act like anything at all in front of your family. There doesn't have to be a dog & pony show - it's not about you two. It's about your son.

Pick a neutral person in the room and treat your ex the same way. Neutrally.

After it's over, go back to acting however you want.

I posted before I read your decision.

You are doing the right thing.

lol no worries. I think so too now.

Need to start meditating again... That should help :)

I'm very gald you chose this decision.... Your son is the one that will benefit!

Last year we had separate birthday parties for our son. At the time it was the best solution for a multitude of reasons. May I ask how recent was the separation? If it hasn't been very long seeing the two of you together could send mixed signals, so I am in full support of your decision. Your son is likely still struggling to process what happened. I guess my case is different. Some time has passed now, and my son understands that his mom and I are "just friends". His mother wants me there, as does he. I wonder if this is a way of her trying to mend fences, but my reasoning for my attendence is that my son wants me there. I believe that you are making the right decision in the face of such a raw, difficult situation.

Regards,
SD40

She sprung the divorce on me about 3 weeks ago, but like I said his birthday isn't until April.

She says she wants to be there because it's a ritual for our son for all of us to be there with him, but I think it has more to do with her missing my family. She is mostly estranged from her family, and was much more upset with losing my family than she was about leaving me. She even threatened bringing lawyers into it if I still disagreed. Not that that would do anything, the court can't order us to be together... so whatever. I don't try to understand her motives anymore. I don't think she really cares if I'm there or not, she just wants to be there. I think she's playing the "best interest" card for her own desires, but it doesn't matter really. I'll deal.

Shame on me for posting w/o reading your additional elaboration :)

The dynamics of my situation differ from yours as for me last year it was very fresh, and the OM was living at the residence. Sounds to me your situation is more similar to mine now. That said, your choice to have his birthday together will be difficult, but you'll persevere. This has been a struggle for me too.

All the best,
SD40

BTW this is off topic a little but being that our sons are close in age, I'll share this with you: Hex Bugs. They're all the rage with that age group! I bought my son a whole colony lol

lol thanks. Never heard of them, I'll look it up though. He's in a Lego phase which is great with me. That and those stupid bakugons.. Ever read the rules on how to play that stupid game? It's so cute though he just makes up his own rules. That always seem to make me lose...

It's good that you're putting your feelings aside and doing what is best for your son. The question of why Mommy wasn't there would be harder for you to deal with after if you were the reason for that.

Nice to see Dads talking about toys too. The little ones.

hey,

I'm with you... My stbx has no idea yet, simply because she's expecting me to do all the work and just show up, but i'm not doing my little one's birthday with her.

she and her family can have their own party and I'll throw one myself...

last year was difficult, i did all the hard work, i did all the arrangements and paid for everything and she came out and took all the glory and looked like the perfect mother, even though she only sees my little one once a month.

i know they're going to scream and yell about it, but tough... the free ride is over, we're not a family, we don't get along and i have no interest in being in the same town as her let alone being in the same building as her.

i don't think you're being unreasonable... its one thing if you were saying that she couldn't see your son at all on his birthday, thats unreasonable, but you're not... you're just saying that you want to do your celebrations separately.

I think you should do what feels right to you and the h... with what she wants. She can have a party for your son as well...