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Custody advice?

Anonymous112211
Anonymous112211

OK. Despite my hopes most or all you were right. Despite trying to hopefully save my marriage (granted I filed), my wife is now the enemy. When I filed, I did so with the best of intentions for everyone, fair to be fair in the divorce request. 


She is counter suing for divorve (I believe this is the case, will confirm tomorrow) - expected this as most people do. However she did so with a motion for full or sole custody of our children. I never thought she would actually try to keep my kids from me. 


I have never claimed to be a perfect dad. But I was a dad who provided for his family by going to work every day. Rebuilding our home, and doing the best I could to be there for anything the kids needed (school, homework etc). I have been in their lives since the day they were conceived, born, and have rarely been away from them. The wife says that I have been verbablly abusive to her and the kids and that is her grounds for trying to take them from me. This piece is a whole conversation in and of itself. Better saved for a different time. 


My kids are the world to me. I am scared shitless that I may lose anysay so in the way they are raised if I am even allowed to see them. She is doing things now that I never though she was capable of, so all of you were right. I trusted and got burned. 


I have a call with my lawyer tomorrow to discuss this motion. I dont know if I get to counter / answer her response since I originally filed (I assume I get to if she counter filed). If I can, should I request full custody too?  


Any other advice?  If her game was to put me on edge, she won. I am struggling to keep it together today. Please help me find a positive to get through the rest of today! Please. 

jimthzz
jimthzz
Rely on your lawyer and disengage from responding to her directly at all.

Just because she has stated what she wants does not mean she gets to shut you out of contact with your children.

Discuss this with you lawyer and don't give in to fear or bluff.
jojored
jojored
It is so very unlikely that she would be granted full custody. Today, the courts try to award 50/50, unless there are issues with the fitness of either parent, which I don't think could be said in your case, either side. It is unjust to the non-custodial parent, and really abusive to the children to keep a loving and engaged parent from their children. I'm pretty sure you're safe here. Not to say that she won't try to sling some stuff your way, but those in charge of establishing parenting time have seen it all and probably don't fall for any he said/she said crap.

In the beginning, my ex had said that he would get full custody, because he knew that's where the punch would hurt the most. He would tell family and friends that I was a great mom, then tell me I was abusive to the kids, that they would be better off with him, and that he would win full custody. Those words scared me to the bone even though they were totally groundless, but they did not prevent me from proceeding with the divorce. He ended up asking for every other weekend with the kids, and in 4 weeks since the divorce, hasn't taken them for the weekend once, let alone an overnight. He sees them once or twice a week for about 3 hours. His choice, and frankly his loss. I guess since he's leaving them with me by his choice, I'm not that abusive mom he tried to brain wash me into believing I was.

Words are cheap, early on in the divorce lots of blustery crap is spouted about. You can probably ignore most of what she says. Look at what the law says - the law says 50/50.
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
She can file whatever she wants however if your not a bad dad, have a home or place to take them, and way to provide for them most likely judge won't give her full custody. In our case we got 50 50.i didn't want that exaptly mainly cause his mom and sees and cares for them more than he does but in end he isnt bad dad so I can see why it was that.
Stephanie1977
Stephanie1977
This shows maliciousness on her part. My husband (who is physically abusive and I was able to prove it with pictures) tried the same crap originally. Because of the abuse (to me not her although I digress because he hit me while I was pregnant) his parenting time will be limited but he still will get it. Unless you have been hitting the kids and she can prove it, you're most likely going to be granted 50/50. You'll get to respond to her allegations and make sure you maintain what the best arrangements for the kids will be. She's using them to hurt you and they see it alllllll the time. Do NOT do the same. It's bad all around. Will cost you more money, will hurt the kids and will drag things out. Are they old enough to go to counselling? You should suggest it for all of you. I'm so sorry. Message me if you'd like.
Anonymous112211
Anonymous112211
Thank you all for responding. I don't know what to think. Reading the considerations the judges look at, it all depends on how they consider my actions I guess. Maybe my issue is that I feel like for the first time in my life, I am not in control. I did not mind sharing it with my wife, because it was our life. But now I am lost.
patti22
patti22
What state are you in?

With most states it's going to be 50/50 custody. Some it will be like 70/30, but it's extremely rare for her to have 100%.
Anonymous112211
Anonymous112211
MI
confused79
confused79
I filed and he has the chance to counter. I am sure he is going for full with the hopes of getting 50/50. What he is trying to do is prevent me from moving. My support system is not by me. I have wanted to move for a long time. I don't want to take the kids away from him but this is my life too. I think 50/50 is true in most states. I am in Ohio. I was told by my lawyer that the one who files first usually gets what they ask for. Or has the upper hand.
Anonymous112211
Anonymous112211
My lawyer said to ignore her request. They don't foresee any reason she would be granted that request. She may have used this as a distraction, as the motion actually was for spouse support + custody + limit my kids time. Oh and pay her lawyer fees. I'm cringing, but hopeful that I am strong enough to fight her off. I want 50% custody, and physical custody. She won't let me... sigh.
AAABJ
AAABJ
Well, just so you know, it's not up to her whether or not you get that 50/50 custody. Remember that! I would definitely fight the part about paying her attorney fees. They are going to get quite high, if it drags outs. You may have to pay her the spousal support if you were the main provider in the marriage. Hopefully your state still believes in the 50/50 custody. Does your attorney feel confident that you will be able to get the 50/50 custody? Just a little advice..... document everything. At this point, you didn't think that she was capable of doing what she is doing, so don't put anything past her from this point on (unfortunately). Try to communicate via text, so that everything is notated, or keep a journal yourself of communications you've had, times you've had children, ect. This may seem silly, but you need to protect yourself. You may not even need it, but I just recently went through a custody hearing, and when I started bringing up the documentation that I had and could provide right on the spot, the other person's attorney changed the subject very quickly and moved onto something else. Like I said, you may not need it, you may think she would never go down that road, but you just never know. Just try to remain strong, for yourself and your children. This is not an easy process. We are all here for you!
Anonymous112211
Anonymous112211
Great Advice AAABJ. Will do on the journal.
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