Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Cry or Scream - really stressed

Baker2
Baker2
Spouse of 37 years wanted an inhouse separation a while back. Marriage is definately a disaster. I was not comfortable with the inhouse situation, but at the time either of us could afford to move out. An uncomfortable situation has gotten really unacceptable. Not only does he stay out at times overnite & for days, he has chosen to spend Christmas Eve, (which happens to be one of our sons birthdays(22),& Christmas Day with someone else. He went out Christas Eve morning & we never saw him again until the day after Christmas. Our finances are a mess & he is dead set on getting info to file bankruptcy. I don't want to file bankruptcy, I don't think we can, we have a good income, but owe alot in credit cards & mortgage & taxes, auto repairs. Basically a misuse of income. I have not spoken to an attorney yet. Does anyone know if he can file bankruptcy without me? Does it affect my income? Will it affect my getting a legal separation? Right now I really want him out of the house, apparently he can live somewhere else.I am really venting right now, need some advise if anyone has been through this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
What state do you live in? As for the bankruptcy he cant file with out you.
Baker2
Baker2
I live in NY. Bankruptcy laws are confusing, if he files, can I still get a legal separation & have him pay maintenence till we sell the house?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am not sure but dont see why not and from what I have read about the bankruptcy laws if you can py something then they will make you pay.
deleted_user
deleted_user
To file bankruptcy you have to pass the means test, (google it) also he cannot file solo on any joint account without you or they will come after you no MATTER what the separation agreement says (trust me been there and done that) . And they will garnish your wages up to 1/3 of your take home pay.

Also you can't file BK on taxes, child support or student loans. You really need to see a good lawyer.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
I do not know a lot about BK laws from state to state but I would think they are the same. Yes, he can file BK, but anything that you are on jointly would them become your responsibility...and yes, that just sucks! If he files and you have joint credit cards, loans, mortgage ect, you would be the only person for them to come to for payment.
I would seriously consider seeing an attorney before this gets really out ofhand for you.
(((((Hugs))))
Baker2
Baker2
I really don't know what he plans on filing bankruptcy on. We are both on the mortgage, credit cards - some in both names, some only in one name. I just want a legal separation & a maintenance agreement till we can sell the house & payoff everything.
Baker2
Baker2
How long does it take to file bankruptcy in NY? If I file for a legal separation, am I covered for maintence if he files after the agrement? Really wish I had $$ for lawyer right now. Working on getting some cash.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It really seems like he has been planning this for a long time and he may have been stashing money somewhere and trashing the family credit in preparation for a split...start gathering any and all info you can on finances, accounts, etc. Start writing down any and all transactions that seem weird. If this goes too far you could be financially ruined for years.

Protect yourself.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It took me 6 months from the first visit with the lawyer until my case was approved.... and a $ 1800.00 retainer ....

Most first visits to lawyers are free.... you can a least get some direction.... also any lawyer you speak to he can't use.... conflict of interest. I don't know about maintenance... that would be a good first question to ask.
Baker2
Baker2
I don't think he is trying to make our credit any worse, its been bad for a long time, he just doesn't care. I think he is trying to see if he can walk away and still keep his income without paying for debts. I just want a legal agreement that finances will be taken care of until we sell the house & maintenence after that until we divorce.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I spoke to a lawyer about this very thing. Since my husband is in another state. I can file without him.
Just got him to trade in a vehicle that is in both our names, so when the funding goes through for that vehicle to be paid off, and I am not attached to his damn car habit. I can file alone.
As for having a good income. I have just a little unemployment, so it will go by my income.
IF you have a good income, they will have you file chapter 13 and put you on a budget. That gets things paid off and you can't do any more credit etc. But it still counts against you.
Either way 7 or 13 not a good thing. But I have No choice thanks to the cheating husband.
Who by the way 1. still loves me 2. has a hole in his heart 3. misses and thinks of me every day 4. is full is shit or he wouldn't still be banging her.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My ex filed for bankruptcy in MA about a year ago. This is how he was able to move out with no debt. We are not married so it didn't affect me. In MA I think it was about $800.00 or $900.00 His truck , credit cards, medical bills, cell phone all had to go. but once it's over the credit card offers, cell phone solicitation and everything else come back. The companies know you can't file again so they know you have to pay. It is an easy out all you need is a lawyer and the money. Aguy at work did it and they took everything and the house. He walked away with no debt and was able to rent an apartment.I would look for a lawyer for a consultation fast and they can at least advise you on what first steps to take. Good Luck