Let go of the impulse. Nothing good can come of it. It's mean-spirited and manipulative, and he'll only react in kind.

It is outside your control - why bash your head against those rocks?

I apologize that I'm not familiar with your story, so my answer might not fit what's happening.

If you have valid reasons for believing that your children are endangered by the GF, by all means, talk to your attorney about pursuing the means to keep your children from her. If you just don't like her, though, it's not reasonable or healthy to try to keep your stbx from seeing her. It's one of those things you just have to let go. There are many of those things on this journey. Some are a lot harder than others.

Diemjs, I think you know that this is wrong, wrong, wrong! None of us here know you or her or your STBX. But what sticks out the most is your hate. You need to work on this. If not for yourself then for your children. Think about what this is teaching them.

You have no say in the matter of who he dates and that you use the children as bait to get your own way is not something to be proud of, not to mention against the law....you can't hold out on visitation because you don't like her.

Let it go. Move on. Get some councilling. Show your children how an adult is supposed to behave. It will all blow up in your face if you continue this fight. It sounds like the things you hate the most in her are the same things you are displaying in your own behaviour. Therapy will help. Good luck.

Take control of the things you can control and who he sees is not one of those things. Unless she is a danger to your kids you have no real choice but to suck it up really so to speak.

I imagine how hard it is but start concentrating on something other than that.

((((hugs)))) diemjs,by holding onto these feelings,you are allowing her to control you.Do you really want the enemy to control you like this?It will eat you up inside. My heart is aching for you knowing you are destroying yourself. You will find your own happiness.For now,just heal your soul :)

Thanks All, I know you are right. I do want to point out that, I DO NOT say anything about her in front of or to the kids. I would not do that.

Also, if some of you remember, she tried playing mind games with me a couple of weeks ago, therefore, I dont trust her or her motives.

You get to choose your battles and if you choose this one so be it. I know you well enough to know you're a reasonable person. Do not tell him why, if you choose to do it, you are fighting so hard. At least not directly. I know you'll make the best decision. Love to you!

Ah yeah, I can so relate. But of course neither will find a decent woman because the best they can do is the trash that they have. Big hugs and sympathy.

been on both sides of this, and i am tellin ya, she aint leavin till he or she wants to, you are not part of the equasion, and the fighting is only hurting the kids. this is part of the problem i am having with my wife now, her ex hates me, he has the kids, but now that she left, she gets much more time with them. lots more to the story and i am not going to start now, but if you show the ability to work with him and her, your children wil benifit

even if he got rid of her and you worked everything out you could get finished in court and then she might reappear...

Now be honest- would you REALLY like and accept a nicer gf more?
Reverse psychology right? If you reveal your dislike he'll stay with her to piss you off. If you show disinterest, he'll probably lose ineterst in his own sweet time!

I agree with planet. Nobody is going to be good enough for him or your children but you. It is hard to admit but it is true. You don't have a say in who he see's. Try to find a way to get along with her for your children's benefit. You don't have to be friends but don't be enemy's either. Hard to do but worth it.

It is too bad that the ex's will never have any good judgment again. What a bunch of losers they are. Where do they meet these women anyway, on the street corners?

Just remember: Whatever you do, don't put your kids in the middle of this. That's what you'd be doing by dangling time with them in front of your ex as an enticement for him to break up with his GF. Keep your kids isolated from the drama.