I'm new to this community and I don't know where else to turn. I'm hoping somebody can relate to what I'm experiencing.
I was in an relationship with a man 8 years my senior (34). Our relationship went from 0 to 100 from the minute we met. We told each other we loved each other after 1 month, and talked about marriage 3 months in. Long story short, the abuse was subtle but constant. He would constantly complain that I wasn't giving him enough affection or love, even when I was giving him my all. This eventually resulted in me constantly walking on eggshells with him. I was afraid to tell him things I knew he wouldn't agree with. I would occasionally have emotional and angry outbursts, something I'd never experienced up until that point. I started to feel crazy and confused about who I was. I felt detached from my reality, from my family, from my friends. I slowly started sinking into a deep depression, and all the while unaware that he was the reason for this new dark me that had emerged. He was an inseucre person and he dragged his insecurities into the relationship and made me responsible for them. I wasn't equipped to realize what was happening at the time, and I let myself feel guilty and remorseful for the way he felt - constantly apologizng to him and walking around with a heavy feeling of not being good enough for this perfect man who does so much for me. But I thought our love was strong, and I thought we'd make it through the constant fighting and miscommunication, that time would help heal our issues.
Our relationship ended in July. He and I kept talking on a frequent basis, trying the whole "let's be friends" thing. But he'd want to see me all the time, and I'd resist because it just didn't feel healthy hanging out with him after we'd broken up. I also tried to reduce our text communication, but he'd ignore all of my requests for space.
Almost a month ago, my ex went from being warm and friendly to suddenly becoming cold as a freezer. When I confronted him about this shift, he exploded. He told me that he feels like he wasted his time with me, and listed all the ways that I hurt him in the relationship. He begged me to leave him alone, and said that he can't handle me in his life anymore. He was talking as if he hated me, like he was disgusted by me.
This was very painful to digest, and over the last few weeks, I've really gone through all the different stages of grief. I was mostly angry. It felt like a veil had been lifted, and I spent a lot of time going through old conversations (it makes it easy that they're all archived in Hangouts) and read through our old arguments in HORROR at the way I was manipulated. I saw the fights and our issues in a brand new light. Now, after not speaking for a few weeks, I'm beginning to feel the depression stage rather heavily. What I'm feeling the most is a heavy feeling of emptiness. He has completely cut me out of his life. It's like he doesn't exist on the planet anymore. He's removed ALL connections with me. He's not a nostalgic person at all, and once someone is out of his life, it's like his heart freezes towards them. At first I thought this was a manipulation strategy, but now I'm pretty certain that all he wants is to forget about me.
I guess the reason I'm turning to you all is so I can get some advice on how to cope with my feelings of emptiness at this stage, as well as some insight into WHY/HOW a controlling person is able to make a sudden and severe shift such as this. Have any of you experienced this?
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