time to cut her loose

You have got to let her go! You cannot chase something that doesn't want to be chased.

Let me explain Something to you. She thinks of you as second place; an insurance policy; a safety net in case she doesn't get get first pick. Even if she were to date you because she didn't get her first choice, when her next first choice rolls around the corner, your toast. You will be lucky if she tells you. Often times people like her will start seeing the first choice months (in order to seal the deal) before she tells you or if you found out first.

Btw, this needs to go to healthy relationships. Come back when she breaks your heart if you choose to chase her.

Probably will complicate her life but that's really not your problem. You guys can't move forward when she has feelings for another man.

my guess is that IS the complication in her life.

you can choose to live in limbo in the drama if you will... wait for her until this dude lets her know he ain't leaving his wife or even better, you can just hang around for the rest of your life while she bounces from you to him.

that would work I think...

Thanks for your comments. She comes from 16 years of abusive relationships. I cannot expect her to behave in a sensible way. I should have known she meant trouble. I have been fortunate enough to not have to have lived such torment. Getting involved with her would have been a mistake. I live a fairly quiet and peaceful life. I don't like drama. But I do miss some very good qualities she has. I will miss that for a long time. But she is messed up.

you know what's funny though?

I'm having flash backs of high school. You see, one girl can't decide between two guys and then finally decides only to find out that he doesn't want her. So she falls back to the other guy to find out that he already is with someone else.

She is now left with no one. Wouldn't it be funny if you ditched her and then her married man ditched her too?

Hey galvatron, thanks for making me feel less miserable and laugh. With her history of bad decisions that is what is most likely to happen. I do feel sorry for her. she has suffered 16 years of abuse. But being nice to her just got me dumped. But those years were of her making too. Her life has been a mess because she is a mess. Also she is going through hell with her kid, because of the way she is raising him. Let's see if the old lawyer is able to handle that. In my experience, her kid was constantly disturbing our moments of joy and peace. And he liked me.

Gabriel my take on what's been happening here is this woman has been trying to dump you nicely for a while. You're analyzing and confusing this because you're not getting what another poster said to you : she's just not in to you.

Move on. You're being played. You over invested yourself in a relationship that didn't really exsist.

I think she wants to be with the lawyer even though it is very unlikely she will leave his wife. He has made her wait 2 years and it has not happened. I would not be surprised if she lets herself be put into that demeaning situation. She comes from two abusive relationships, 16 years of abuse. SO she will probably accept that situation with the lawyer, being his lover while he keeps his wife.

Ok, cut her loose on the basis of her extrordinary "baggage" she's carrying. Thta would have been my red flag off the cuff. Like the others said she is holding onto you as a "just in case". Screw that, it's not worth the time, energy, or emotion on someone like that.

I'd have to concur with everyone else. This is a no-brainer.

I am sure you will find many that have the same qualities and touch points you had with this woman, but on a higher and better level.

Gabriel,

I know you're hurting and confused by her behavior, but I am noticing you are posting just about anywhere about this situation. It almost seems as though you are looking for someone to tell you to stay with her, to keep trying. It is quite clear that you are better off without her. She simply has too many issues.

One things that is often said on here is that you can't make someone love you. That seems to be the situation here. These are her bad choices to make.

I am in the dating world and I often don't understand the choices people make. I will talk to men who tell me they want a woman with no drama, who works, takes care of herself, etc. and then turn right around and go for the first drama queen walking in the door. I don't get it. Women do the same thing. They hate the bad boys but can't seem to stay away from them.

You aren't going to change a person like this. You need to let her go, stop all contact with her, and move on with your life.

As strange as this may sound, she may enjoy making her life as complicated as possible. Some people just thrive on drama and she sounds like one of those people.

I agree with Lance. She may be perfectly happy with her life. Posting over and over on several boards getting others to agree that something is "wrong" with her, and SHE'S making amistake isn't going to chnge the fact she is just not that in to. It won't assuage the loneliness either. Pinning this on her perceived "failings" isn't going to fix YOU, and YOU are your biggest problem.

I am sad for the level of empathy you are receiving here from some.... I guess when some recover from their terrible times, and then just become addicted to the idea that being here is a big boon for the newly afflicted.... they forget their manners.
I understand that you are/have been attached to this woman, that you need to vent your sense of loss and frustration in the hopes of easing your emotional state, that you are in pain and that by discussing and getting feedback, you are trying to change your perspective and your feelings in the matter. You are hurting, you need to talk and hear about it. I am not healed, I am not sane, but I think that you being here trying to fully understand your heartache is a waaaay better thing than the many self destructive things people do when badly hurt. I could be wrong, I am NOT a poster child for recovery or mental health, so consider the source.

It IS not wrong for you to post here and in other rooms at DS IF it helps YOU. Some might say it is the purpose of this site. It would be a different story if you kept going back to her, if year after year you presented with "I can't stay away from her." This is a fresh injury and you are frantic for relief.
You may pm me and message all you want about this until you get some relief.
Some of us need to vent to heal. Some of us need to talk about it a lot before we let go, and it is okay.
I hope you feel better, I hope you will allow yourself time to heal before you meet someone new.
























It sounds like she is deeply troubled and that she was trying to let you down easily. You will have to deal with your hurt feelings and recover, and I wish there were any way but time that will do that.

You go ahead and post if it helps you. As far as I know, people need to be given time for their intense feelings to become manageable. Knowing she is not a good match for you (and declaring her a mess will not help you, but do as you wish) and realizing that she is troubled but most importantly, not interested in you is your responsibility.

I wonder if some people who post advice here realize that an off hand reply is not really better than none. Just my opinion, but telling someone they should just get over it , which I see all the time here now is utter bs and certainly not support.

It is not that I am saying bad relationships should not be named as such and those involved should be encouraged to give them up and move on. I am also saying that does not happen instantly and I believe a more hospitable atmosphere to those who need to let go would be helpful.